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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 10-15-2010, 11:45 AM
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Maybe you're right that lumpy may be reading too much into it. Or maybe not. Maybe skipper isn't the person that lumpy thinks she is. But she communicates in ways that I interpret to mean that she thinks she is a superior parent to dad and that maybe affecting her child's regard for dad.

Beyond all those maybe's, Lumpy's comments are very child centred. The examples are spot on.

Lumpy's comments are all about facilitating and promoting a relationship with the other parent, which is a huge, but underrated determinant of custody.

When a child's feelings and postive regard for the other parent are not only protected but nurtured that child stands a much better good chance of emerging from a separation emotionally healthy.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 10-15-2010 at 11:52 AM.
  #32 (permalink)  
Old 10-15-2010, 11:51 AM
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Agreed. But I think this is more the case of word usage rather than a superior attitude. When its a question of superiority, I generally get creepy crawling sensations reading those posts..none from this poster though!

In general Lumpy has excellent responses and is very helpful. I'm not contesting that at all!
  #33 (permalink)  
Old 10-15-2010, 12:07 PM
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I'm really with DTTE on this one - Lumpy put it exactly the way I would have wanted to with respect to Skipper3's posts.
  #34 (permalink)  
Old 10-15-2010, 12:12 PM
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I may be reading between the lines a little bit - but that is what I read. But I do say that from the start (I am questioning... it sounds like.... I worry that....)

I also doubt that this is a serious case of PA - but sometimes we all get so involved in our own situations that we don't realize the little things that we do that do, in fact, don't promote the child's relationship with the other parent. I don't think that there is anyone who doesn't do it once in a while (myself included) - even parents who stay together. What I am trying to say to this mother is to be VERY CAREFUL of the instances when she is doing this, due to her daughter's obvious problems with her father. She says her child is very mature and picks up on the behaviors that she has been teaching her. If so, I'm sure she doesn't want her to pick up that behavior.

Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Lumpy, that was a little too judgemental. This mom is ASKING for advice and seems willing to listen. I don't think she's doing ANYTHING here to deserve criticism. Maybe her point of view is a little one-sided, but harsh words are not needed here, she's open to opinions!
This is my opinion. She doesn't have to take my advice. That is all it is. I can't make her do anything. I am not attacking her personally. In fact I have said some nice things about her parenting and positive opinions too. She asked about how to work the phone problem - I gave her advice - no criticism. She asked about the psychologist - I told her very postive advice. I have said that it is obvious that she loves her child, that she teaches her very important things.

Really the only "negative" things that I have said are to leave the daughter out of an adult decision and that I think that she could try harder to promote the other parent. The dad is willing to go to counseling to hear his daughter's problems with him. THAT should be the next step... so, as I said before, try to do that A.S.A.P.

I believe that most people who come to this forum are trying to be the best parent/step-parent that they can be. If something that I asked about sounded a little odd or one sided, I would hope that someone would tell me the other way of thinking about it. Sometimes its hard to see the other parent's side of things. Its good to get other opinions and perspectives. I may be completely wrong about how I am reading this mom's posts. If I am 'preaching to the choir' - excellent, in that case I hope I am reading it wrong! One less child stuck in the middle of a bad situation. Either way, I hope it works out for the child, mom and dad.

cheers!
  #35 (permalink)  
Old 10-15-2010, 12:54 PM
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No offense meant to you lumpy. I think it was just the PA part that worried me. Just don't want to see someone who is actually trying to make things better for her child run off the forum. Your advice and comments are good, I just don't agree with them 100% this time.

I think we are all on the same page here, just maybe not the same sentence.
  #36 (permalink)  
Old 10-15-2010, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
I think we are all on the same page here, just maybe not the same sentence.
Like that!
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