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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-13-2010, 01:48 PM
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ah - what am I at now... darn too many spelling mistakes to get in the next 15 min... (:
thanks for the tip dtte!
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:12 PM
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Okay is it just me or does it seem that everyone leaves it up to their kids to call them? What happened to a parent being a parent and if they want to speak to the kid (s) they call them? A kid wants to know they are wanted and needed in a parents life why is it their responsibility to come to the parent?
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:13 PM
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Lumpy you sure made me think. Very important learn on how other interrupt the short story.
However, I see your points.
The step-mom...I have nothing against her. The picky eating was no junk so I would answer "better too healthy". The constant cleaning "better too clean than too dirty" etc. I always back up the other house, the rules and bed times. The problem is the other house telling our girl that my house had the problems. I HAVE to clean more, change sheets every week, eat better food, have more rules.....etc etc. The bedtime was the same even on weekends and I have a garden for all my own herbs/vegetables and love to cook great food. Her dad and step mom buy prepared everything. they just don't eat out....I still say nothing.
I pretty much keep ignoring them and with a happy face just did my own thing around the guidelines I have and always had with my daughter before divorce.
Her dad is very easy going which is why we married. I don't think why we divorced is for this forum.
Regardless, I supported the 50/50 even when he was not sure he wanted it that often. Every child needs both parents and the father plays a huge role.

In regards to taking her to appointments...no way. He does not want to leave work, pick her up for app't, return her to school and go back to work. His job is too important. So that answers that one. I just took it on and did not look back...
He now denies ever saying that, but I have it in an email....like many other things he is now denying.
Everything my daughter says is "a lie" and I exaggerate everything. His wife has fixed her problem with phone calls and he has never done anything wrong. You see, everyone is at fault with what they say/do except him.

The phone calls is such a sore topic by now. After multiple conversations, I just gave up on hearing from her the week she is with her dad and I just said I was happy all the time with my new partner and knew she was great with her dad (to keep her positive). She kept saying she would keep trying to get through to him that she wanted to phone me. See....that is apparently where the fault is....now my girl says I did not fight hard enough for her dad to listen to me....about what goes on in the OTHER house.?
How on earth do I win? I support 50/50, the step-mom, two homes, and still end up on the short end. I get in trouble if I say something or not.

I think it's about time the father speak highly about the "mother's home". The replies here seem to have assumed what he said is true that I don't support the two homes when I most certainly do.
It's only now that my daughter cannot get through to him that she is exhausted. I am sure there is more to it on the other side, but as I said I cannot get it out of him nor get him to talk.
The counsellor we went to twice was because my girl wanted someone else to talk to. I am running out of ideas.
I cannot even try to fix what I cannot see or touch.
Does this help? Could he be jealous that I moved on? that our girl enjoys coming to see me (as she should...too him to), or just upset that he is not the perfect father that he thought he was (I mean, do men really worry?)
Bottom line. The original question....has anyone gone to a child phsycologist with good results?
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:15 PM
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That is so true. I tried dozens of times. However, with call display, my X just NEVER answered the phone.
I'd leave a message and guess what? They never gave it to her.
So what do i do....keep calling and bugging the house? That does not look good either.
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:20 PM
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Skipper being a Stepmom I can say my situationis the reverse of yours, I do everything for my stepkids, take the kids to DR's do their homework with them, cook them good meal, and then my husband and I are met with "mommy" took me to the fair mommy buys me this mommy buys me that, ahh the value of financial love. Advice Your x's house with his new wife is their houshold...butt out unless your child is in some kind of danger. As when my stepdaughter comes to me to tell me mommy did this and moomy does that and mommy says this and says that, I tell her you need to discuss this with mommy not me, why because I cannot change it, you cannotchange the situations, and your childs problems in her dads house are your childs problems, be there to listen and console her, but do NOT interfere. My husband has a term I love...Allow and Accept.
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:25 PM
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And how old is your daughter, does she have a cell...can you get her one?
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:36 PM
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My daughter is 11 and not of the age for a cell. But I have given that some thought too.
I see why some threads get so heated...I don't understand why I am getting advice to stop trying to change the dad's house. I said it is them criticizing MY house of which I ignore them all.
My daughter is upset with all that dad has to say and the step-mom butting in on our life.
I take her to appointments, but the dad spends lots of money on her. So I even say to enjoy the electronics while with him an the outdoors/sports when with me....she gets the best of both worlds.
I really would like to read encouragement on how to deal with a negative dad and jealous step-mom (she really wants my daugther for herself....or so it's been told to me).
So really, I'd appreciate support on how to move forward not on how I should butt out. My daughter is crying all the time, her dad is drilling her, and the step-mom is angry and runs away and yells when she wants to phone me.
Which part of these statements do you think are appropriate in any home?
Now, again, can anyone answer my original question?
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:50 PM
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Sorry hun, ther is nothing you can do in this honestly, your daughters problems are with her dad and her stepmom, and while it is hard to see and deal with, these are things you have to allow your daughter to discuss with her dad and stepmom. While it is certainly not cool to have to watch and or listen to your daughter cry, all you can do is build her strength up so she can talk to her dad. If she can go to counselling they may be able to help give her tips on how to communicate effectively with them. Now on the flip side if you are in litigation you could or may be able to record you and your daughter having these talks but not prompted convos, and use them in court if your in a custody battle, and state that you dont feel the environment there is enhancing her growth and development. But beyond that just love your daughter and ket her know you will always be there for her.
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Old 10-13-2010, 03:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skipper3 View Post
So far he said he would agree to go and hear what our girl has to say............
Any ideas on how a child physcologist would work out?

I think that is already a good start. I don't know how a child psychologist would "work out" - but your daughter has a mom that cares enough to try to work with the dad to get her help and a dad that cares enough to agree to go and listen to her with a psychologist. A lot of relationships are so difficult that you would have a hard time getting both parents to agree to that.

In that case - make the appointment soon and make sure that he is available for it. Try it and see what happens.
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Old 10-14-2010, 08:17 PM
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One thing I have learned is that it is very difficult to raise a "normal child" after a divorce. There are many things that you just got to live with if you want to keep the parents from battleing everyday.

I have limits that I enforce with my kids. I know that they are permitted to do some things that I don't allow in my house. I just enforce what I can, and am hoping to stave off some of the big problems that eventually will come when they get a bit older. But I also enforce certain fundamental rules, and I am glad that their mother does too.

But I do keep hoping that either the courts will do something to stop the problems I continue to have with their mother, or the kids will eventually choose our home over their mother's. The kids do understand most of what is going on, and they do play both of us against each other, and this is what is the hardest. At times I think the kids have more control over the divorce now.
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