Support in Toronto

[Kennzer]

This Ottawa-based resource is certainly excellent but I was wondering if there were support groups in Toronto.

I'm a man staring down the possible disolution of a 20 year marriage. Still in the house w/the wife and kids (18 and 10). A reconciliation seems very ify though I am taking positive steps regardless and will continue to do, come what may. (No more beer/wine, more exercise, counselling.) At times the wife seems to be pressuring me to leave (and go where?) though from what I have read, she can't and its unadvisable to do so.

What happened? Seems we have been going different directions as people for a couple of years, like the letter V. I have my own complaints (her at least emotional affairs with a few men, morphing monstrous ego, etc., ) yet I will swallow it all and forget any slights to fix things.

She seems pretty determined, appears resolute and strong while I feel weak. Full of anxieties--it's hard to concentrate at work when someone says they no longer love and may never again. But I make her artistic pursuits possible w/my income...See, I'm getting upset. I know I've been focused on work like a lot of people but while we've had fights it's never been abusive.

Well, that's my situation so far. Am s-t-u-n-n-e-d. Any leads about support groups and the like in TO would be appreciated. K

[logicalvelocity]

Kennzer,

welcome to the forum.

There is a wealth of information and experience amongst its members here to share with one another. Collaborative discussions at its best.

I'm not aware of any similar groups located in Toronto region. However, the general discussions in here apply for all over Ontario.


lv

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

kennzer, I am not in the Ottawa area either, however, the information I have learned from reading the posts are priceless. Just by posting here I'm sure there are people who can empathize and offer personal experience advice. You just have to ask.

FL

[Kennzer]

Thanks all. As many of you have no doubt experienced it's very up and down right now.

Last night was almost normal; dinner sans enfants. Good communication.

But then I get an e-mail this afternoon--no call-saying she'll be home later than planned due to a music lesson going later and her appt w/her psychiatrist was intense...The reason for her lateness could well be true but I worry that her psychiatrist and her meddling music teacher may counter-act any progress we've been making.

So I just sent a supportive e-mail back and swallowed my disappointment. In fact, I pulled a 'Lincoln'. He use to write a nasty letter to his non-performing generals to get his feelings dealt with and then wrote a conciliatory letter and sent that one instead. My 'Lincoln' is sitting in my draft folder and I'll erase it eventually. Hopefully I'm just overreacting and the long weekend won't be awful.

K

[logicalvelocity]

Kennzer,

Have you and your significant other considered marriage counseling?


lv

[Kennzer]

Yes, we have been back and forth on this. Years ago we tried this when I was a young Dad and a bit overwhelmed. The guy's technique was awful and we were both put off.

Of late I was at first resistant then willing and then the wife was resistant and now we have finally agreed to try this; I am seeing my MD this week for a referral and have the name of someone an aquaintance has recommended (he and his wife are using the therapist).

I think in recalling the last therapist we have been gun shy; we don't want this to be an exercise in fault-finding and nit-picking, but apparently she's not like this, so here's hoping...

Anyone with recent experience w/this, Do's and Don'ts...I think my wife is willing to try as the reality of what a divorce means, at least in practical terms, sinks in. She was married and divorced before but that was a five year marriage with no kids over 20 years ago.

K

[logicalvelocity]

Kennzer,

There's no harm in trying. Significant number of employer's have Employee Assistance Programs in effect which offer referrals and perhaps free marital counseling to employee's and their families.

I would check with your Human Resources Department.


lv

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

Some work health coverage’s do cover this kind of treatment; mind for one does, to a maximum per family member. And I just so happen to have been "email" talking to a medical professional in TO. Here is the info.


Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW
Certified Stepfamily Coach and Counsellor
Founder and Co-Director of
The Step and Blended Family Institute www.stepinstitute.ca 905-936-STEP(7837)
Featured Coach with www.blended-families.com

She even offers over the telephone counselling should your situation warrants it and if you have a very full busy life style.
From my correspondence with her she is very down to earth yet professional and I am still considering using her services even though I am quite far from TO. Hope this helps.

[Kennzer]

Thanks for the advice and referral. I am setting up therapy for us as soon as next week. K

[tombiosis]

read the post "for those wanting to save their marriage"
if you really want to salvage the relationship, never seem needy! it won't work!
lots of info on-line on this
good luck!