The Step-Mom aka smom

[Sara08]

Hi, I am a mother a (common law) wife to a wonderful man. We have two children together, and he has one child from a previous relationship. I have been a step mom (or smom as he calls me) since he was 1. The whole situation has been difficult with my husband's ex. There has been a kidnapping (by her) of the child, false allegation of physcial abuse against my husband towards both her and 'her' son, there has been ongoing intentional alienation and the list could go on. We have tried mediation, court, lawyers, have gone bankrupt in our efforts, attempted to get the child emotional help (as he has anger management, rage, and low self worth due to his life being so unstable) all to no avail. We are now taking to attitude that quality, not quantity, of time that my husband has with his son is the most important. In this we hope that the kid will become aware of a different, more peaceful, secure way of life.
Child support is always an issue, and it is something that the ex always holds over our heads because she knows the law supports having the non-custodial parent completely financially responsible for the child. She does not take into consideration that my husband has three children, and he would like to treat them all equal, both emotionally and financially. So we are currently working together to make this change happen, sending letters, and the such. So if anyone is reading this would like to join me in working together to stand up for the equality of all of our children and ourselves. No one should be able to turn away, or be forced away from the joy of providing the very best for our kids. And just because a child comes into a second or subsequent relationship, doesn't mean they should be treated less than equal to the first.
I really do hope this forum continues, it gives people honest answers to extremely difficult problems. And while not legal advise, real advice by people who have been there. Thanks for that.
Sara

[Maggie82]

Hi Sara.

Thanks for posting. I'm in your shoes, pretty much. (Read about me under Introductions, if you wish!) I want nothing more than to have kids myself. And I hope to... soon. Actually, I've hoped to have kids 2 years go! But due to the amount of money my fiancé is paying in child support, we cannot, financially, afford to have kids of our own. It is heartbreaking!

I feel completely torn between my wanting to have kids, and him. If it weren't for how much I love him and care for him, I'd be gone... going to start a relationship with someone who doesn't have this financial obligation, and with whom I would be able to start a family without having to calculate every penny.

If you need any letters or petitions signed... I'm there! Maybe you could let us know what you've done so far, and what kind of response you've received (if any at all).

I understand your cause and agree with it 100%... hopefully we can make others see the same too!

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

I am also the second wife, struggling to support our family while my husband pays CS to a very bitter ex who also uses the FL system unjustly to her advantage.
I would support your position 100%