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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 12-26-2014, 09:10 PM
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Default So glad I can finally post!

My situation is unusual, At least I think that is. I was in a long term common law relationship. I cared for two children that i pretty much adopted because the mother was addicted to drugs and alcohol and abandoned them when she hooked up with a sketchy guy.
Now we are separating and fighting the battle to see the kids. She has since heard we separated and now after years wants to see the kids. Not fair!!! Why do I get to lose out here! I don't care about the house or the things we accumulated, just the kids.
I just can't lose them they are all I have.
So looking for advice and support. I have been reading lots since I found this forum and I believe I just hit the jackpot!


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Old 12-27-2014, 04:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanderer View Post
My situation is unusual, At least I think that is. I was in a long term common law relationship. I cared for two children that i pretty much adopted because the mother was addicted to drugs and alcohol and abandoned them when she hooked up with a sketchy guy.
Now we are separating and fighting the battle to see the kids. She has since heard we separated and now after years wants to see the kids. Not fair!!! Why do I get to lose out here! I don't care about the house or the things we accumulated, just the kids.
I just can't lose them they are all I have.
So looking for advice and support. I have been reading lots since I found this forum and I believe I just hit the jackpot!


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okay I am a little confused. Are there two different relationships that you are talking about?

oh wait from your other post I think I have it figured out. You are separating from the common law partner and he had two kids from a previous relationship that he has custody of. Now the mother of those kids wants to see them.

Last edited by standing on the sidelines; 12-27-2014 at 05:20 AM. Reason: added
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Old 12-28-2014, 03:01 PM
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Yup that's exactly it. If the biological mother wasn't in the picture I would of gotten visitation rights. But now that she's popped out of nowhere im standing the chance of not getting visitation rights at all. This thought devastated me. There has to be some rights for step parents.


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Old 12-28-2014, 04:13 PM
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I think this needs to be separated into 2 issues

Issue 1. Your ex partner is denying you access to his 2 children that over an extended period of time you cared for and assumed a role of parent.

Issue 2. His ex partner them children's Biological Mother now wants visitation to her children.

ISSUE 2 IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN. STAY OUT OF IT AND DONOT BRING IT INTO YOUR SITUATION.

Issue 1. I would think would mean you would have to serve him with a motion for access based on your history of you and he allowing you to assume the parental role and it in the best interests of the children to maintain some connection.

Rather like Grandparents who have a good firm relationship with their Grandchildren and because one parent has custody now loses that visitation right and have had to go to court to get some visitation rights. I am not certain how you would do but that is going to be the path you will,need to take.

So while you are dividing up the commonlaw relationship home, possessions, debts, money, assets etc. Ask yourself. Did you take on the parental role and your career was held back enabling your now ex to become the main bread earner of the family. Did you stay home,and become the caregiver of the children

Do you have receipts to,show you contributed to the household costs and the home improvements.

Meanwhile Issue 2 has nothing to do,with you.

Your situation is not that unusual. My girlfried spent 8 years raising 2 small children from age 2 and 3. Her ex cheated on her and then they split. She never saw those children again and had to go to court to get money out of,the home as it was in his name. Luckily she had receipts,and pictures and could prove she contributed.

Last edited by Beachnana; 12-28-2014 at 04:15 PM.
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Old 12-28-2014, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Wanderer View Post
Yup that's exactly it. If the biological mother wasn't in the picture I would of gotten visitation rights. But now that she's popped out of nowhere im standing the chance of not getting visitation rights at all. This thought devastated me. There has to be some rights for step parents.


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you can try but not sure how successful you would be. If you pursue it then don't be surprised if the bio dad comes after you for child support. I can understand what you are feeling, you were like a mother to those kids when their bio mom abandoned them and now to feel shoved aside must be hard.
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Old 12-30-2014, 11:26 AM
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So the biological mom gets access and requests child support right away. When deciding who gets the kids and when during xmas holidays she agrees to half and half split. Too good to be true that she's making it this easy of course because she didn't show up at all to pick them up! I ended up getting them because the ex had holiday plans with his new gf. What a mess this is going to be and im thinking im going to end up the sucker here!


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Old 12-30-2014, 11:42 AM
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She requested CS based on what, if the children don't live with her and they don't have a set schedule / agreement in place? She can't get CS because she was scheduled to have the kids 50% of the holidays, she should be paying HIM CS.

You said your relationship was long term, how long?
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Old 12-30-2014, 01:17 PM
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She has filed for custody not just visitation. On top of that she wants support. I don't understand how this all works! Me and ex were together 8 years, I guess not so long term really. Kids are D9and S12 Bio mom hasn't been around for 4 years! She just up and disappeared. She had custody at the start but just up and disappeared 4 years ago. I was going to legally adopt both of them, it was discussed but the process was so complicated due to bio mom disappearing. Now I'm regretting not pushing for legal adoption.


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Old 12-30-2014, 01:21 PM
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As far as her paying CS there's no way she will be able to, she's on disability from government. States she cannot work because she is too sick. But the courts think she's not too sick to care for two very energetic kids!???


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Old 12-30-2014, 02:03 PM
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Thing is, unless you and the children's father are willing to work together on the issues with the kid's mother, and why the two if you should maintain custody instead of their mother, there really isn't a lot you can do or should do. I have not yet read a case that has split custody and access of the kids threw ways, it may exist but i have not seen it.

She will have to prove that changing the status quo is in the best interest of the kids before she can gain custody or shared access.

Unfortunately, step parents don't have a lot in the way of legal rights. You could explore whether in loco parents would be suitable for your situation. This would see you paying dad CS for the children, but may give you more options as far as maintaining visitation. Keep in mind that the children's wishes may change in time regarding visiting you, ie: if bio-mom gets access/custody they may find it too much to have three homes, or if dad gets into a new relationship. The kids may choose to stop seeing you, however you would still be paying CS for them per your agreement.
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