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Old 10-14-2013, 11:28 AM
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Default Seeking moral support and advice

Hello- Unlike others, I have not been lurking long. Just diving in and hoping to find information and moral support through this struggle.

Married 25 years ago. One daughter 19. Asked for separation over a year ago and set the wheels in motion, getting house ready for resale, sorting and dividing stuff, requesting H to prepare asset distribution spreadsheet. He has been very slow but progress has been made.

My brilliant, but borderline Asberger's H received multiple inheritances over the course of our marriage some of which was used to buy and renovate our home. He also chose to switch careers from something high to low paying, then unilaterally decided to retire at 55. I have been working full time every day of my life at work and at home. I am exhausted and want out. Unloading a too big house will help. Ours was never a marriage of equal distribution of labour.

Bottom line now, that we have read about Ontario family law, is he gets twice the assets I do (b/c of his inheritances) and I have to pay him spousal support to the tune of up to 50% of the differences in our income. So he gets to continue to goof off while having a much larger retirement nest egg and I am doomed to continue to toil to keep him in the manner in which he has become accustomed. This is not right. What possible incentive can he have to go back to work? Will I ever be able to unload the freeloader?
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Old 10-14-2013, 12:03 PM
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Quit your job, work "under the table."
Tell everyone you retired and that your boyfriend is now supporting you.

This seems to work nicely for my ex.
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Old 10-14-2013, 12:19 PM
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It's my understanding he cannot claim the imheritences be excluded unless he kept the money completly seperate from marital assets and finances. Once he put the money into the marital home he lost the ability to have it excluded.
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Old 10-14-2013, 01:07 PM
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I agree with Blink.

When he put the money into the house it became marital property. He doesn't get extra back because it came from an inheritance.

He has an obligation, when determining his potential for income, to invest his assets. He should be receiving a reasonable return, and this should be counted as his income.

If he has $1,300k income, then he should be able to get $52k return. This should be the minimum income he is imputed with.

If his previous career would pay more, then he should be imputed with that income.

You do not pay support based on his income of $0. You may not have to pay support at all.

If you provide us with some additional details we may be able to offer some additional observations.
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:32 PM
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Additional details. I am 55. He is 57. Married 25 years. So rule of 65 applies. He started out making big bucks in IT. Burned out and took lower paying job in charitable/political sector 12 years ago. 15K a year after receiving a very substantial inheritance, plus interest on his investments. I toiled my way to now just this year earning 100k, 20K more than last year and less in years preceeding. He did NOT stay home to raise children. He did not support my career through unpaid work. He chose to change careers because he had inheritance assets. His asset base will be legitimately I believe twice mine upon separation. He has done careful tracking and their are spreadsheets and investment account statements to prove it. Anything else pertinent you need to know that has not occurred to me to provide?
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:34 PM
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We both acknowledge the home asset is shared. Thank God or I would be far worse off. Other inheritance fund is invested and was able to be tracked.
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:49 PM
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Little confused on some things you are saying, so just to clarify,

-12 years ago he quit a high paying job due to large inheritance?
-He decided to retire at 55 because he had the means to do so
-He is investing his assets
-He has a spreadsheet showing where all the money went?
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Old 10-14-2013, 06:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Little confused on some things you are saying, so just to clarify,

-12 years ago he quit a high paying job due to large inheritance?
-He decided to retire at 55 because he had the means to do so
-He is investing his assets
-He has a spreadsheet showing where all the money went?
I thought she said that he burnt out so he took a lower paying job.
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Old 10-14-2013, 06:59 PM
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both are true burn out and inheritance coincided and created need and opportunity for career change.
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Old 10-14-2013, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
I thought she said that he burnt out so he took a lower paying job.
You're right, sorry...

I am going to be honest though, if someone has a high stress job and they spend many hours working and all the sudden come into enough money that allows them to take a lower paying job, I think MANY would jump at that opportunity. I think it has been said before, that no one can be forced to work. It seems he still worked and was investing his money, thus has some sort of income.

I am curious to know, who brought up SS and why is he entitled?
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