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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-12-2015, 03:08 PM
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children and happy did not have a condition as the charges were dropped. He did hire a criminal lawyer to handle that but his position was firm that he did nothing wrong and he would go to court and fight the charge. The criminal lawyer simply had a few phone calls with the prosecutor. He never had to go through case conferences. His family law lawyer acted swiftly after the charges were dropped by immediately filing a Notice of Motion. His ex refused to negotiate so approximately 8 weeks later they were in court.

I think the Ontario way (tons of case conferences and 4-way meetings) is the problem. No one seems to get a decision with the case conference judges. Things drag on forever. I'd therefore recommend hiring a pit-bull lawyer and not dick around. Longer it goes on then you have status quo to worry about. Just look at LF32's situation. It has gone on for almost 2 years now with no end in sight.

Hope you get your matter resolved soon.
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Old 12-12-2015, 03:45 PM
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Speaking with my criminal lawyer, it won't be unconditional since it was life threatening. The prosecutor made it very clear that there will be a one year bond to it. What I'm hopping is that the condition is glued to my ex only as for the moment, there is a restraining order not to communicate with my kids in any ways.

In Ontario, case conferences are just a waste of time. This is only an opportunity for everyone to "officially meet and see what the Court looks like in real life". No real decisions is made unless there is an issue with CS, and if that is, it will be mandate. All other issues will be brought through a motion. Status quo, you said it, is my big concern. I'm the type of guy who goes and dig my own information and since my ex is unwilling to negotiate, I've pushed to go to trial. I knew more we were wasting time, more status quo would be in her favour. My lawyer was only trying to negotiate with the other lawyer so I had to fire her. I guest I can compare myself to LF32's situation. Knowing my ex, I know it will drag for a long term. We are not fighting only for the custody... all other issues are being disputed. NFP, pension, CS, SS, house appraisal and share, incomes, name it. She is not reasonable on any topics. I really can't see the end to it as she tend to re-bring things that were settled... back on the table.
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Old 12-12-2015, 06:15 PM
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Make good use of your time. Take a parenting-after-separation course and perhaps an anger management course. If you have had no prior brushes with the law then I think you will do ok. You have witnesses who can and should write affidavits on the circumstances surrounding your statement. WRT family law, I believe that careful consideration will be given if your children were ever exposed to any family violence.

Once you get the criminal matter dealt with (dismissed) you can then proceed to a motion for interim 50-50. In the meantime I'd have little or nothing to do with your ex. Do as Links has suggested and do everything through the court. If she will not negotiate in good faith then you are clearly wasting your time. She will soon tire of having to go through lawyer to communicate with you.
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Old 12-13-2015, 12:04 AM
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If you've been charged with uttering death threats against your ex, it's going to be hard going. If your best-case scenario involves a restraining order for a year, I think you would be well advised to seek as much counselling and anger management training as you can get during that year, to show that you've changed. Even if you think you were set up, you've now got a permanent black mark against your name, because there will always be suspicion that you are potentially violent.

The difference between you and LF is that he didn't talk about killing his wife. Thus he is in a much better position to get 50/50 right now than you are.
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Old 12-13-2015, 12:36 AM
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The thing is, the incident did not happen in front of her and she did not repport anything nor call the police. The incident occured at the workplace and is an isolated matter made under the emotions. There is no historical of family violence and physical abuse. She was asked by the police if she would press charges and of course... she did. The opportunity was there. Her statement though was over exagerated. Also, my kids are old enough to say how comfortable they are when with me.
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Old 12-13-2015, 05:59 PM
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^^^ This is part of the problem. As long as you keep minimizing what happened (I didn't threaten her to her face, I was emotional at the time, there's no documented history of abuse, the police report is mistaken, she exaggerates everything), you aren't taking responsibility for what happened, and you will not be a plausible candidate for 50/50. You should double down on anger management classes, counselling, and anything else you can find to show that that you're a changed man and can be trusted to co-parent.

By your own account, you're facing criminal charges related to statements about strangling your wife and children (although you say you didn't actually threaten to strangle the kids, just the wife), you have an existing order which says you can only see your kids at a supervised centre, you've had more police involvement resulting in you being removed from the marital home, and your criminal lawyer says that the best outcome you can hope for is a year's peace bond - not charges dropped. This is a long way from 50/50. You need to show you've cleaned up your act.

If I heard that my ex had told his co-workers he wanted to strangle me and/or my kids, you can bet I would want him charged. Not because I saw an "opportunity", but because that kind of thing is f---ng scary and dangerous.
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Old 12-13-2015, 06:22 PM
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how many spouses are dead or injured by an ex who made comments that were not taken seriously by others? I would rather the police err on the side of caution when situations like this arise.
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Old 12-13-2015, 06:34 PM
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[QUOTE=stripes;202462]^^^
... and your criminal lawyer says that the best outcome you can hope for is a year's peace bond - not charges dropped.

No... charges will be dropped with conditions like not communicating with the ex for a year or go near her house.
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Old 12-13-2015, 10:05 PM
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^^^ Still not getting it. The point isn't the precise conditions, the point is that even in your best-case scenario, you have been deemed too dangerous to your ex to be allowed any contact with her and only closely supervised contact with your children. This is not your wife's fault, it is not "the system"'s fault, it is your fault, and you don't seem to have any awareness of that. Until you start to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions, like talking about killing your wife, you aren't going to get anywhere with sad stories about "alienation".

There are people on this forum who have committed an act of domestic violence, been charged, done their work and changed their ways, and now have good relationships with their children. Those are the people you should emulate.
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Old 12-13-2015, 10:51 PM
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Mafia - you might be well served if there is someone whom you can speak with. Though the words were uttered as a result of extreme emotional stress, there's obviously a concern when someone hears them.

The problem is that there is a shortage of mental health professionals who have training in or an understanding of family law. They also have a professional obligation to report cases where someone talks about wanting to harm themselves or others, which does make you less apt to have a fully open conversation.

I recently switched from my employer's EAP counsellor who wasn't overly helpful to a psychiatrist who in discussions has been able to help with the emotional side. You may want to phrase the discussion about how you feel, and needing to reign your emotions in. You may be best off even looking into stress leave from work, so that you can deal with the problems.

I've been reading a lot about meditation the last few weeks, though I understand the words, I'm still unsure of the practical results.

Its hard because as humans and men, we are told to stand up for ourselves. Loosing access to one's home and children is definitely something that we want to fight for. The challenge is that we have to learn to use the pencil pushing legal system, which is very passive aggressive.
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