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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 03:56 PM
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Move back now if you want ANY chance of 50/50.

It took me 19 months of living with my ex to get 50/50 she eventually settled two days before a long motion on the matter.

Write up a detailed and complete offer to settle.

Setup a 50/50 schedule in the house and live by it.

Protect your ass

My ex would bring her boyfriend(s) to the house to try and get me to do stupid things you MUST and I repeat MUST remain calm and collected at all times. Never raise your voice or react to anything. Keep the voice recorder running at all times you are at home. Start it before you arrive and after you leave.

If you want any chance of getting 50/50 you really need to do this NOW. You are in a very bad spot legally speaking.

Good Luck

FB
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:07 PM
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Welcome to this wealth of knowledge and expertise.

I am recently separated as well and although you already have excellent advice from the "seniors" here ... I'll give you my take on things ...

1. Yes, get back into the apartment ASAP. and go back to being with your kids as you were before. If you want 50-50 then you need to continue being in their lives for 50% of the time at least.

2. My initial conversations with the ex were horrible. She couldn't go 5 mins without saying all kinds of horrible things about me and my family ... all lies. As soon as I brought out my phone to say that I would record the conversations, she stopped talking . Since then, all communication is over email - helps maintain a record of who said what and there is no issue of he-said / she-said. She has said some fairly interesting things over email as well which if I need to take to court, will certainly not help her.

3. Feel free to take pictures / videos / audio recordings of stuff around the home that may help you in your case. Also take pictures of yourself with the kids when you do stuff with them either at home or outside. They're good for your own memories and would come handy if needed.

4. Her BF has no right to be in your home ... if he comes there to fight with you, ask him to leave ... politely but if need be call the cops.

5. Do not get angry / fight with her about anything. No matter how much she gets on ur nerves. You as much as point a finger and it would be translated to "threatening violence". Just walk away, go to your room or get busy with the kids. Its short term pain for long term gain.

6. Engage anyone your kids come in contact with - daycare provider, school teacher / principal, friends etc and dont shy away from sharing your side of the story. If you're honest and you have indeed been a part of your kids' lives, theese people will get it and if it comes down to it, they will be your witnesses that will help prove that you are indeed deserving of the 50% custody.

In my case, almost 100% of the time I was the one taking the kids to their activities, preparing them for school and dropping them off to school / daycare etc. But ofcourse there is no proof of anything. Thats why pictures, references from the providers / other parents etc come handy.

Finally, court should be your last option. And quite often, once you have concrete evidence like the kind i mentioned above, the other party may realize that they would lose in court anyway and thus will step back.

Good luck!
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ottawa_divorce_dad View Post
Welcome to this wealth of knowledge and expertise.

I am recently separated as well and although you already have excellent advice from the "seniors" here ... I'll give you my take on things ...

1. Yes, get back into the apartment ASAP. and go back to being with your kids as you were before. If you want 50-50 then you need to continue being in their lives for 50% of the time at least.

2. My initial conversations with the ex were horrible. She couldn't go 5 mins without saying all kinds of horrible things about me and my family ... all lies. As soon as I brought out my phone to say that I would record the conversations, she stopped talking . Since then, all communication is over email - helps maintain a record of who said what and there is no issue of he-said / she-said. She has said some fairly interesting things over email as well which if I need to take to court, will certainly not help her.

3. Feel free to take pictures / videos / audio recordings of stuff around the home that may help you in your case. Also take pictures of yourself with the kids when you do stuff with them either at home or outside. They're good for your own memories and would come handy if needed.

4. Her BF has no right to be in your home ... if he comes there to fight with you, ask him to leave ... politely but if need be call the cops.

5. Do not get angry / fight with her about anything. No matter how much she gets on ur nerves. You as much as point a finger and it would be translated to "threatening violence". Just walk away, go to your room or get busy with the kids. Its short term pain for long term gain.

6. Engage anyone your kids come in contact with - daycare provider, school teacher / principal, friends etc and dont shy away from sharing your side of the story. If you're honest and you have indeed been a part of your kids' lives, theese people will get it and if it comes down to it, they will be your witnesses that will help prove that you are indeed deserving of the 50% custody.

In my case, almost 100% of the time I was the one taking the kids to their activities, preparing them for school and dropping them off to school / daycare etc. But ofcourse there is no proof of anything. Thats why pictures, references from the providers / other parents etc come handy.

Finally, court should be your last option. And quite often, once you have concrete evidence like the kind i mentioned above, the other party may realize that they would lose in court anyway and thus will step back.

Good luck!
Sorry to say but this statement is totally inaccurate. If you ex's name is on the lease/ownership legally she can have anyone she chooses in the house and you cannot do anything about it.

I called the police one night after returning home to her bf in "our" house. The police asked if she was on title to the house. I said yes, they said we cannot do anything. They did ask him to leave and he did but a sergeant told me with a wink and a nod that I should go somewhere else for the night and I did. He said he had seen it too many times. Boyfriend leaves the two make up some story that you went nuts on her after the bf left and you end up in Jail.

The bf kept coming around a lot, I later found the best way of dealing with this was to become friends with the bf. The second I started talking and laughing with him she never brought him around again. Worked like a charm.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:15 PM
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Well I think I've screwed myself good as I have already got another apartment, expecting she would let me have the kids half the time. I have given the 60 days notice at the last place and she will be moving January 1st (at her request). The agreement was that her mother would stay for a couple months with her and help her out so I could get established as we really don't have any money. The moment I left everything was off the table. We are both alcoholics (I am in recovery but she is still drinking), combine this with her medication and it makes for a very volatile situation. It was not good for the kids for us to be under the same roof. In the end I know I made a mistake for leaving but I think I did the right thing for the kids as I am now much more stable and of sound mind. I see my kids as much as I can and they will be coming over to my place for the weekend this weekend but what are the chances of me winning shared custody in court?
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calicodacat View Post
Well I think I've screwed myself good as I have already got another apartment, expecting she would let me have the kids half the time. I have given the 60 days notice at the last place and she will be moving January 1st (at her request). The agreement was that her mother would stay for a couple months with her and help her out so I could get established as we really don't have any money. The moment I left everything was off the table. We are both alcoholics (I am in recovery but she is still drinking), combine this with her medication and it makes for a very volatile situation. It was not good for the kids for us to be under the same roof. In the end I know I made a mistake for leaving but I think I did the right thing for the kids as I am now much more stable and of sound mind. I see my kids as much as I can and they will be coming over to my place for the weekend this weekend but what are the chances of me winning shared custody in court?
Where are you moving to? Where is she moving to? Where is the kids school?

You NEED a lawyer.

EDIT: Everything from this point forward will be done in the kids best interest. You need to focus on that.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:27 PM
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I have moved very close to them just down the street. Not sure where she will move but I am expecting in the school district as we are now. I am seeing a lawyer on Monday but funds are a major issue.
The kids are my first concern, they are well developed and in good shape. Would love to say we always put them first but we are not perfect but they are certainly well adapted, loved and do great at school etc....
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:29 PM
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The best interest of the kids has always been my main concern and always will be. I love them to death and have always been very close with them and this is my main factor in wanting shared custody.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calicodacat View Post
I have moved very close to them just down the street. Not sure where she will move but I am expecting in the school district as we are now. I am seeing a lawyer on Monday but funds are a major issue.
The kids are my first concern, they are well developed and in good shape. Would love to say we always put them first but we are not perfect but they are certainly well adapted, loved and do great at school etc....
Your stance should be the the EXACT school should continue. If she moves away from the school you can attempt to stop her from moving with the children. That is NOT is in their best interest.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 04:57 PM
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I know legally I haven't done everythin right but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. It was a long relationship, together for 15 years and married for past 5, my daughter is 4 and son 6. She has been cheating on me for past year and posting photos (grphic ones of her and the other online for everyone to see. I couldn't take it anymore and with the threats I was afraid I would do something really stupid. I am in a much better place now that I'm out of there, maybe not legally but certainly better equiped to deal with all of this.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 05:07 PM
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I guess from what I'm reading, I've pretty have to take whatever she gives mefor acces atm. And hope that mediation goes well?
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