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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2013, 01:11 PM
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Question New to site and newly seperated

Hi my name is Chris,

New to site and newly seperated. I had to leave my house because things were just getting too bad (I wont bore you with all the details). I have been a very involved father, I have a very close relationship emotionally with my kids, I have been there everyday of their lives. My wife now refuses to even consider 50-50 as she stayed home with the kids (4 and 6, both in school full time now) and considers herself the PCG (she is on disability). We are awaiting mediation and in the interum she has offered me 1 day a week and every other weekend. Do I have any options here?
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:16 PM
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Hi my name is XXXX,

New to site and newly seperated. I had to leave my house because things were just getting too bad (I wont bore you with all the details). I have been a very involved father, I have a very close relationship emotionally with my kids, I have been there everyday of their lives. My wife now refuses to even consider 50-50 as she stayed home with the kids (4 and 6, both in school full time now) and considers herself the PCG (she is on disability). We are awaiting mediation and in the interum she has offered me 1 day a week and every other weekend. Do I have any options here?
Hi Calicodacat:

My recommendations to you in the immediate:

1. You don't have to leave your home.

2. You should return to reside at your rightful residence - the matrimonial home immediately and take up all the responsibilities that you would have if you were a SINGLE PARENT.

3. Realize that false allegations of "domestic violence" and "child abuse" could be potentially made against you. You should be recording all your interactions with the other parent.

Although I am not a fan of "the list" could someone please post the link for the OP. It is something he really needs to read end to end.

Leaving the matrimonial home and abandoning your children is NOT a good idea. Waiting until mediation to establish an access schedule is NOT advised and you should have not left the home unless you had a signed agreement or court order for a 50-50 residential schedule and full joint custody.

I would strong urge you to return to the matrimonial home!

READ THIS NOW: http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

Be prepared for a pile of parents whom have made the mistake of leaving the matrimonial home and the children to come to this thread and lambaste you for doing this.

Do you have a family law lawyer advising you on what you should be doing? If so, and they recommended you leave the matrimonial home, might I recommend you find a new lawyer immediately.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:21 PM
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She is now in a position where she can delay, obstruct, make excuses while you get more and more desperate, leading to you settle for being an alternate-weekend dad. Also, since you moved out, CS becomes an immediate issue.

2 ways you can apply pressure on her to get out of this situation:
- file a motion in court to ensure that the mediation doesn't drag
- move back into the house (but protect yourself as Tayken describes)
- make it explicit (email message, or registered letter) that you do NOT agree to her offer, and that for your kid's benefit, you expect to be a 50-50 parent.

Find ways to EMBODY your belief in the 50-50 arrangement. Buy them clothes; in your limited time help with their homework, bathe them, stay in contact with their friends' parents and the school - don't just visit. It IS really hard not to start behaving/thing as the 'lesser' parent, and accepting her dictates.

Last edited by dinkyface; 11-01-2013 at 01:26 PM.
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:25 PM
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She is now in a position where she can delay, obstruct, make excuses while you get more and more desperate, leading to you settle for being an alternate-weekend dad.

2 ways you can apply pressure on her to get out of this situation:
- file a motion in court to ensure that the mediation doesn't drag
- move back into the house (but protect yourself as Tayken describes)
- make it explicit (email message, or registered letter) that you do NOT agree to her offer, and that for your kid's benefit, you expect to be a 50-50 parent.
In addition to dinkyface's always wise recommendations:

- RETAIN COMPETENT LEGAL COUNSEL TO REPRESENT YOU.

In the alternative where you can't afford a lawyer:

- Start reading all the legislation, case law, legal books, parenting books, high conflict management books and other materials to be self represented.
- Be prepared to make an investment of roughly 800-1000 hours of study and research to go it alone as an unrepresented litigant.

If you are unwilling to educate yourself at the same level a lawyer and custody and access evaluator is you will be slaughtered as an unrepresented litigant. If you are unwilling to pay for a competent lawyer you will be slaughtered.

As an unrepresented litigant you are expected to know the law as well as a lawyer, be a parent and be as educated and knowledgeable as a custody and access evaluator... It is no small task...

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 11-01-2013 at 01:29 PM.
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:34 PM
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It was an apartment but all the same. I have thought about this, it is not my preffered approach but if she insists I think this is the route I will take. She got me good, had her boyfriend call and threaten me and pushed me till I couldn't take it anymore. All is fair in love and war I guess. I really don't have much money so legal advice has been thin at best. Trying to cash in some rrsps to get a proper lawyer and advice.
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:33 PM
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She got me good, had her boyfriend call and threaten me and pushed me till I couldn't take it anymore.
Recorders are cheap. Buy one now. Keep it on you at all times. Stop talking on the phone and only email the other parent. You are not obligated to answer her phone calls. Let it go to voice mail then do this:

1. Listen to the message and transcribe it fully. Every word exactly as spoken.
2. Type it all into an email message to her.
3. Respond like this (just an example):

Dear Other_parents_name:

Thank-you for your voice mail message you left for me at XX:XX AM on Day, Month, Year in which you explicitly stated the following:
calicodacat you stupid idiot! You can't come around my house or my boyfriend will kick the living crap out of you! Stay away from us and my children! You have been warned!
With regards to your voice mail message I kindly remind you that:

1. My name is on the lease for our apartment, Unit XX, 123 Happy Street, City, Provice and as such I am permitted to attend at and reside at this location.

2. Please kindly leave the expletives out of any future communications regardng our children in any emails, personal telephone calls, chance encounters and any other situation for which we may interact. I implore you to act in a corjual manner and especially in the presence of our children.

3. Threats are inappropriate and should you leave another message in which you threaten physical violence against me either directly or by a third party I will bring this serious matter to Division XX of the Municipal_police_closest_to_your_home for further resolution.

I hope all is well with you and look forward to improved communications.

blah blah blah...

I don't want to sound rude but, may I ask what your level of education is? This helps me focus my recommendations if disclosed properly. That way I gear my responses to your educational level. As well, better match what level you would write at. You don't want to sound overly educated as a judge may not like that your material is being ghost written.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 11-01-2013, 03:08 PM
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Being cordial is also recommended.
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Old 11-01-2013, 03:20 PM
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Being cordial is also recommended.
And proper spelling, grammars and other improtant things like puncuation?
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Old 11-01-2013, 03:26 PM
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I am high school educated but have been in IT for the past 15 years, I work as the helpdesk rep for a courier company. Reading and writting skills are pretty good.
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Old 11-01-2013, 03:43 PM
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I am high school educated but have been in IT for the past 15 years, I work as the helpdesk rep for a courier company. Reading and writting skills are pretty good.
They were making fun of Tayken, who is in general a very good writer.
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