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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 09-22-2010, 05:56 PM
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I have two children. At 10 yr old girl who is not my DNA, but I have been in her life since she was 6m old, and an 8 year old son who is my dna.

My son was my ex wife's plan to get money from me. We had dated for about 6 months, and the relationship seemed to be going well enough to go to the next level. We both had apartments, so we needed to find a larger place to move to, so I bought a house. Withing a month of us moving into the house, she quick going to university, and unknown to me stopped taking the pill. I asked when she was due back to school, and she said "oh I quit. I didn't like it." it was her fourth year of Native Studies. Then she told me she was late. I was surprised, and initially worried, because we had plans to make money and do some traveling. But I was happy anyways. Set up plans to get married, and prepped our house for another child.

Because we were not married when she gave birth, our son had a hyphenated last name. We got married about 6 months later, and it took her several months to change her name. After the marriage, she said she was going to change our son's name, but she never did. She had a plan.

Just after the marriage, we went through the process for me to adopt the girl. it took 9 months, as we had to wait for the Native Band to accept me to adopt her. He name was changed to mine, and I was put on her birth certificate as her father. 30 days later my ex filed for divorce.

At discoveries, she told my lawyer that she waited 30 days after the adoption so I would be financialy responsible for the girl. She also told my lawyer that she only dated me in the first place because she "knew he would be a good provider".

At trial 2 years later, the judge refused to change my son's last name to match me, my ex wife's, or my adopted daughter. I think the judge thought my ex would change her name back.

Well she has since had another child, and over 5 years later still has not changed her name, but refuses to allow my son to have his name changed.

She has my last name, her illigitimate child has my last name, my adopted daughter has my last name, but my natural child does not. She refuses to allow this change, relying upon the trial order and says she doesn't have to change it. She uses this just because she knows it is something to continue to cause conflict.

My son has just started to question why his name is different than everyone else's name. It just hurts me. I just tell him he does not need to worry about it, because we know who he is. But it does cause problems at the doctor, school, and other places because I need to continue to show a court order to prove I am the dad, and he is my son.
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Old 09-22-2010, 07:26 PM
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If he has a hyphenated name containing both yours and her name then how would that cause any issues at school, doctors or anywhere else?

Seems to me if he's upset about his name being different then likely it has something to do with the answers he was given when he asked. Thats sad.
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Old 09-22-2010, 07:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
If he has a hyphenated name containing both yours and her name then how would that cause any issues at school, doctors or anywhere else?

Seems to me if he's upset about his name being different then likely it has something to do with the answers he was given when he asked. Thats sad.
His name for his computer password is very long. His swim pass does not fit his whole name on it either, and when his name is called out, they don't know how to pronounce all of it, because my last name is only half spelled as it is the last half of the hyphened wording, and he gets embarrassed.

The doctor's office had his file under the first half of his hyphenated name, but the rest of the family is under my name. He was upset when he was not included with the rest of the family. He feels left out.

So are you trying to insinuate that I'm to blame for him wondering why he is the only one with a different name? What is sad is you don't understand. Are you still trying to insult me?

How would you explain to him why his last name is different? He wonder's why his little sister has my last name, but he doesn't. His little sister is another illegitimate child my ex had a few years ago, and does not have a father, and he knows this.
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Old 09-22-2010, 08:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rwm1273 View Post
His little sister is another illegitimate child my ex had a few years ago, and does not have a father, and he knows this.
Why does he know this???
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Old 09-22-2010, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rwm1273 View Post
So are you trying to insinuate that I'm to blame for him wondering why he is the only one with a different name? What is sad is you don't understand. Are you still trying to insult me?
I have to say, my Friend, that I'm thinking along the same lines... If your son has issues, it's because a Big Deal has been made of the situation.

And I, too, want to know how he knows about his half-sister

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 09-22-2010, 08:17 PM
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He knows that only is older sister and him live with me and my current wife. His little sister does not have any father to visit. I don't know what the situation is there, but when we were in court 2 years ago to deal with money issues, she said she was raped and did not know who the father was. But my son used to tell me that "his little sister's daddy is real big and is going to beat you up." I responded by saying that it is really sad that she does not get to visit with him, and he gets to visit with me.(this was before I had custody) He thought about that, and agreed, and has never mentioned this again.(the mother lived with the man for a year until shortly after the little girl was born, and has not been back, and that was 5 yrs ago)

My son was less than a yr old when his mother and I separated.(she changed the locks and had me arrested, with false accusations) He does not have any recollection of life when his mom and I were together. But he has a photo album of happier times, and he and his sister often ask about the story of each photo, and I tell them all about those good times.
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Old 09-22-2010, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gary M View Post
I have to say, my Friend, that I'm thinking along the same lines... If your son has issues, it's because a Big Deal has been made of the situation.

And I, too, want to know how he knows about his half-sister

Cheers!

Gary
I feel like some people here are attacking me, probably because of my previous posts where I am vocal about the bias that men receive. Therefore I think a little info is in order so that the air may be cleared.

He and his older sister visits their mom and little sister every wendsday after school until 730pm, and 3 weekends per month. He also talks to his mom and sister nearly everyday when he is at my home. I ensure that we go out and purchase presents for both his mom and his sister for christmas and birthdays. I ensure that we do not talk bad about his mom, and when I need to discipline him, I ensure that he knows that his behavior is not acceptable at my home or his mom's home. We have had CAS(Alberta style) in our home for 5 months becasue of her accusations, and in one of their reports, it was mentioned that when we discussed the issues, I stopped talking with the worker when my child entered the room, and ensured that they were not within earshot when such issues were discussed.

I have tried very hard to keep my kids from the issues, but that has not stopped them from knowing that things are not good between their mother and I.

When CAS was in our home doing their thing, my children's behavior was terrible. They started to disrespect me and my wife, when they had never done this before. It has only been recently that they have started to be respectful again, and that has been since my ex's last affidavit where she accused me of mentally abusing my children, and my wife of beating them. I provided CAS a copy of her affidavit, and they were very helpful because they wrote a letter contradicting everything she said in it, and then closed the file. My affidavit provided this letter and their report, plus the report from our aid worker, and from the therapist I have the kids see. Her lawyer did not proceed with the application, claiming it was too late to deal with the summer access.

We are case managed. Our judge has confirmed that I am the primary parent 3 separate times. My ex's last affidavit claimed that she needed an emergency order to specify her access for the summer. (we were ordered to share the summer with her getting the majority half.) She refused to communicate her suggestions. I therefore said we would swap bi weekly(as I was working 2weeks on 2 weeks off at the time), with my portion being reduced to ensure she had the majority half. She had the kids for 32 days, and I had them for 28 over the summer. She refused and claimed that she demanded a mid week and a weekend visit. (this would have prevented me from putting the kids in any camps or going camping with my friends or family, which the kids enjoy.

The application was not because of summer access issues, it was because she wanted to get a different judge to order a bi lateral assessment. Our judge was not available to hear the case, that is why it was made as an emergency order. She claimed that my wife and I abuse the kids, and used the involvement of CAS as proof that I was unfit.(I voluntarily agreed to let them come to our home) She also claimed that our judge wanted a bi lateral assessment ordered.(was not true, and in fact the judge told her in november 2009 that if she wanted one, she would have to pay for it herself) What was surprising was despite the serious abuse allegations she made, she did not ask for a change in custody.

Any event, her lawyer dropped the application the day of the hearing, and said they were going to find funding for an assessment. The deadline has come and gone, so we have a case management hearing to be scheduled to deal with the latest problems. But since they got my affidavit, my ex has been on her best behavior, and my kid's behavior has settled down.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 09-22-2010, 08:59 PM
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Many people see me as pro-dad, and I am, I admit it, but I am also pro-mom.

I know our system is flawed in favour of women, having fought in it from both sides...and I do not judge a parent on their sex, I judge a parent on their parenting. End of story.
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
Many people see me as pro-dad, and I am, I admit it, but I am also pro-mom.

I know our system is flawed in favour of women, having fought in it from both sides...and I do not judge a parent on their sex, I judge a parent on their parenting. End of story.
Well said.
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Old 09-22-2010, 09:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rwm1273 View Post
I feel like some people here are attacking me, probably because of my previous posts where I am vocal about the bias that men receive. Therefore I think a little info is in order so that the air may be cleared
I sincerely apologize if you got the impression I was attacking you. What I meant to say was that I was getting a "bad vibe" from the tone of your post... It appeared to be written by a very angry person whose anger was likely spilling over onto your son.

Peace,

Cheers!

Gary
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