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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2014, 12:40 PM
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I believe OFW is a software program - you can read about it on the internet. I've seen many cases where judge orders parents to use the software as opposed to emailing or texting each other.
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Old 05-05-2014, 12:51 PM
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This is one, of many articles on Google about OFW, which I selected at random:

Our Family Wizard: An Excellent Tool for Co-Parenting with a High-Conflict Person, Part 1 l Dr Tara J. Palmatier | Shrink4Men

I would imagine that high-conflict people would not like this program as it seems it would keep everyone in line.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2014, 01:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacy'sMom View Post
FB,

please take your emotional issues and your obvious need to project them somewhere else because this thread is not about you, nor is meant for those particular ahem needs...
Quote:
projection is the act or technique of defending oneself against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in oneself, while attributing them to others
Right, if anything you are consistent.

This thread is not about me, it's about you.

Your ex is going to ask you one question. You better have a good answer.

"How was I a good enough to be a full time parent without you but not good enough to be an equal parent with you"

How will you answer that question?
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2014, 01:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
50-50 joint custody or 50-50 parallel parenting.

Right now he has status quo on his side. You signed over custody of him but now all the sudden he isn't able to make decision for your daughter because you are now able to take her more often?

You are going to have a very hard time convincing a Judge of that. Forget the sole custody...for either of you. Seek joint custody or look up parallel parenting and 50-50 access.

And for the sake of your daughter, stop treating her like a yo-yo.
Unfortunately it's not a simple case of 'I have more time so I can take her' it's a case of he threatened me with court, withholding the child, calling CAS to have my son removed from my care, him taking custody of my son once that happened and then withholding my son from my care as well; which is the only thing that kept me at arms length from our daughter for the past 19months since my son and I moved back to town.

My X has effectively acted on each of his threats:
  1. he has withheld our daughter from me
  2. he will not allow access until it's ordered by a court
  3. he called CAS with some of the most atrocious lies I've ever heard (I nearly through up upon hearing them) in an effort to have my son removed from my care
thankfully it didn't happen because what my X didn't bank on is the simple fact that allegations made to CAS have to be proven true or plausible, and following the CAS investigation I was cleared of the claims set against me; so my X did not have my son taken away.


My son was terrified for the first 3 weeks that his step father would take him from me and withhold him from me and our family.

I could care less about my rights or my X's rights at this point because these 2 children (my children) are afraid, hurting and have not seen each other in nearly 3 months because my X has refused it- point blank!


I have seen what this has done to my 13 year old son, and it's tarring him apart. My son wants to apply to the court for sibling access rights so that he can see his sister, my mother wants to apply for access so she can see her granddaughter- this 'fight' is not just with me; my X has cut my entire family out- including the kids!

That is why I would be seeking Sole Custody or "Full and Final Decision" should we maintain Joint Custody because he is irrational, illogical and he is hurting more then me in his rage- he's hurting our daughter, my son and my entire family!

I'm not saying that he is incapable of being a father or making parental choices- I'm saying that his own emotional issues and personal agenda are constantly more important to him then the welfare of our child and her own needs, and I'm sorry if anyone disagrees with me; but that is not acceptable for a primary parent/decision maker.


Don't forget we have been separated for 8 years...

This type of drama is something people do wen they first split- not 8 years down the road...
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Old 05-05-2014, 01:21 PM
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Perhaps money has something to do with it as well?

I don't know how those support tables work with custody/access but fighting over the preferred "split" seems to be a common denominator with many people who write in on this forum.

Mix in a new green-eyed partner and you have a very volatile, explosive situation. Very sad.

Always to do with the money IMO and little to do with best interests of children.
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Old 05-05-2014, 01:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacy'sMom View Post
... When I returned to the city with training in a new area of work to support myself and the children my X refused to reinstate residence, and served me with paperwork seeking Sole Custody of our daughter.
Which he is allowed to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacy'sMom View Post
The papers he sent were for a "Motion on Consent" and I refused to 'consent' to any of it.
He has a previous agreement which you consented to so it isn't wrong that he would file this way. Nor does it make him a "bad person" in anyone (even the court's) eyes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacy'sMom View Post
Because we were still legally married (as we are currently) he threatened that if I didn't sign the papers he would tie the Custody issue into the divorce and have the matter taken to Superior Court to be dealt with.
That isn't a "threat". You need to better understand what a threat is and the frank statement of a *reality* that is *perfectly legal*. He has every right to file for divorce which would send the matter to the proper court of competent jurisdiction which is the SCJ.

This in the real world (not the one bound by your emotional reasoning) is known as a well informed FACT and not a THREAT.

The allegations of "threats" are of the type seen every day in our courts. Sorry to say but, the complaints you are making above and below are as common as teeth. The result of each would be self-evident to any rational, objective observer.. (re: Justice Quinn)

I recommend you read this thread in full: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacy'sMom View Post
Other threats my X made at this time, included; but not limited to:
  • he would withhold my daughter from me and not allow me to see her until it was ruled he must do so by a Court Order.
  • he would drag his heals in court to make sure it was a year or more before I would ever see my child again.
  • he would make reports to CAS in an effort to have my son taken from my care.
  • he would apply for Custody of my boy and raise him as his own.
  • he would not allow me access to my son (if he was awarded custody) until it be ordered by a Court of Law.
Common as teeth... When parties are not communicating, any slight or criticism is magnified. There is a tendency to minimize the other spouse’s good qualities and maximize the bad. Warring spouses are rarely in a position to step back and evaluate the other’s behaviour with objective eyes. Nor are they able to critically assess their own behaviour...

... Honestly, you need to retain a lawyer.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2014, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
Right, if anything you are consistent.

This thread is not about me, it's about you.

Your ex is going to ask you one question. You better have a good answer.

"How was I a good enough to be a full time parent without you but not good enough to be an equal parent with you"

How will you answer that question?
It's not about "good enough" that is irrelevant. Our daughter has the right to be parented by both parents. She has the right to spend time and have a real relationship with her mother and her brother, and no one has the right to take that away from her!
My X took that- by threat, emotional blackmail and then by force by cutting access entirely.

Why should I have final decision or Sole Custody for the purpose of final decision?
Because I can set my own issues aside and do what's best for the kids no matter what.
Because I have proven this ability numerous times by allowing my X to spend the night at my home many times, spending the night at his home many times, having my sons father stay with us on an every other weekend basis for their visits, I've driven my son to his biodads house 2 nights a week, one hour each way, just to make sure they got to spend time together. I used to walk my son 2 hours in a stroller to his fathers house so they could see each other.

and more specifically;

Quote:
"How was I a good enough to be a full time parent without you but not good enough to be an equal parent with you"
I would say exactly this:

I want to be an equal parent with you and I think that if we share time on a 50/50 basis that can in deed happen; but I bare no confidence in your decision making anymore.
I have told you repeatedly what this was doing to you're one time step son and rather then realize that you where hurting a child you claim to love, you took my words as a barter for access with our daughter.
There was no barter or any implication of such.
The fact that you reformulate my words, reconstruct our past, has me very concerned for your mental wellbeing.
I'm not sure if you aware you're doing these things and just doing them to spite me or if you may have some kind of issue that needs some looking into; but you do see things clearly, you do not remember things accurately and I find it hard to trust your choices when I have such little faith in your sanity at present.

What you have done to our family and our children is wrong, and you have not to this day given me a reason for refused access between our daughter and myself or her brother or my family; but you stand that conviction as if it is warranted, yet you warrant it without reason.

Had you not done these things, had you not proven yourself to a spiteful vindictive man who will hurt both my children and your own child in an attempt to get our own way and punish me for something I don't have any idea I've done- I would have been able to keep joint custody with you and tried to continue the coparenting we've done in the past; but you can't.

You have too much anger about our past relationship and your issues with me that you cannot hear me when I'm speaking to you and you block my words completely out of your head.

You place your priorities and values on which ever woman you happen to be with at the time, and as soon as you have a new GF you try to push me away from our daughter and adopt my son into these new families you constantly create.

Many of these are not a secrete, you know full well where I stand; but the fact that these things have now impeded your parenting role and decisions in our daughters best and ultimate interest, in making sure that she has all the love and support from both sides of her family, at all times- for this I can no longer trust your judgement.

Co parent with me, on a 50/50 split parenting schedule, I welcome it and I'd like to get us into some kind of therapy so that we can heal the wounds of the past and learn to better communicate and respect each other; but the final decision I must insist on!

It's not an act of spite, it's the simple fact that I can be objective and impartial where matters of the children are concerned and you just can't do that right now.
If, after some therapy and time, you become able to do that I would have no problem having all decisions back to a joint mutual agreement; but not right now.. You just cant do it and your own actions have proven it much better then my words ever could.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2014, 02:16 PM
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I'm not comfortable sharing this info...
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2014, 02:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
This is one, of many articles on Google about OFW, which I selected at random:

Our Family Wizard: An Excellent Tool for Co-Parenting with a High-Conflict Person, Part 1 l Dr Tara J. Palmatier | Shrink4Men

I would imagine that high-conflict people would not like this program as it seems it would keep everyone in line.
I LOVE IT!
Does it come in pink lol

He constantly refuses to answer texts and emails, so this system would make him accountable, or show his inability to be so quite nicely.
Thank You!
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