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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2014, 08:14 PM
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Hey All,

New member to OD, looking for advice, support and information like many others here and always willing to the lend the same in return if ever I can

A bit of background on my marital/custodial situation is as follows;
  • My husband and I will have been separated for 8 years in June.
  • When I left him and took the children with me and both were under my full time care for 4 years following the split.
  • Our 1st Order for Joint Custody of our one biological child (girl 8yrs old) was made in 2009, and her primary residence was with me.
  • Our 2nd Order was made at the same time as our separation agreement, in 2010, at which time residence of our daughter was signed over by myself, to my X because I was leaving the area for 2 years in order to upgrade my education.
  • Residence was signed over 'On Consent' under the provision and verbal agreement that our daughters residence would be signed back to me in 2012 after I returned to the area with my son.
  • It should also be noted that I am the Sole Custodian of my son from a previous relationship who is 13, and have been his sole guardian since it was Ordered by the court in 2002.
I was shmucked by my own trust in my X, and if I had to do over again, I'd have taken my daughter with us when we moved because my good intentions in making sure she was cared for by family and not paid sitters have been rewarded with nothing but dragged out drama and heartache...
When I returned to the city with training in a new area of work to support myself and the children my X refused to reinstate residence, and served me with paperwork seeking Sole Custody of our daughter.
The papers he sent were for a "Motion on Consent" and I refused to 'consent' to any of it. Because we were still legally married (as we are currently) he threatened that if I didn't sign the papers he would tie the Custody issue into the divorce and have the matter taken to Superior Court to be dealt with.
Other threats my X made at this time, included; but not limited to:
  1. he would withhold my daughter from me and not allow me to see her until it was ruled he must do so by a Court Order.
  2. he would drag his heals in court to make sure it was a year or more before I would ever see my child again.
  3. he would make reports to CAS in an effort to have my son taken from my care.
  4. he would apply for Custody of my boy and raise him as his own.
  5. he would not allow me access to my son (if he was awarded custody) until it be ordered by a Court of Law.
I was broke (school was not cheap) and very scared. I managed to get him to stall the court case by stating I would submit to any terms he deemed reasonable to keep my little family (me and the kids) together.

Thus for an entire year I was been fighting the good fight (outside of court) and accepting anything my X was willing to give me in access and time, in the hopes that my X might realize how important my son, myself and my family is to our daughter and that we (the parents) might come to some kind of split living arrangement where our daughter could be shared on a 50/50 basis if he was no longer willing to sign over full residence and primary care completely as he so promised...

Once his documents reached their 365 day expiry date I began requesting more time with our daughter, all of which was refused, and attempted several times to make a set visitation schedule for me and my girl to have more time together, working towards a court appointed 50/50 split.
Constant refusal, absconding with our child, removing the child from locations wherein I was to pick her up, and disappearing with her several times was what followed my many requests.

My X has since February 23, 2014 refused allparental, sibling and familial access to our daughter, and has called the police on me several times in an attempt to have me charged with things like:
  • trespassing
  • harassment
  • assault
  • destruction of property
  • who knows what else
charges which were never laid against me because they were all false claims and accusations made in acts of vengeance and anger.

False allegations of the most disgusting kind have also been made to CAS as my X has attempted to have my son removed from my care, and prove me unfit to have unsupervised access to our daughter.
An investigation in to all allegations was implemented and completed, and I am cleared of all claims which were set against me.

I'm currently going through the Criminal Court system to fight a Peace Bond which my Xs new GF has set against me because (and I'm assuming here; but police who I have spoken to agree with this assumption) he and his new GF have not been able to charge me in any criminal matter, despite their efforts, and they are desperate to prove me unfit/dangerous by any means they can muster.


It should be noted that I have never been on the Jerry Springer show, I have never lived in trailer park (less the odd campsite vacation), I do not have a criminal record and the extent of my police involvement prior to these latest events have been road law related offenses like parking tickets, speeding, etc..


My case is an absurd and ridiculous one at best...
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Old 05-04-2014, 09:22 PM
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If it's any consolation my ex's crazy g/f tried to have a peace bond put on me as well. I hired a criminal lawyer and matter was tossed as soon as judge was told we were recently separated (and of course there was no substance to charge). I was horrified at the time. We weren't fighting over children, rather this was just a sleazy move on the g/f's part to cause me distress. That happened over 4 yrs ago. The matter was duly noted by my lawyer in our family law file and definitely did nothing to help my ex - quite the opposite.

Sorry you aren't just fighting your ex but his nutty g/f. You have my sympathy.
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Old 05-05-2014, 01:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
If it's any consolation my ex's crazy g/f tried to have a peace bond put on me as well. I hired a criminal lawyer and matter was tossed as soon as judge was told we were recently separated (and of course there was no substance to charge). I was horrified at the time. We weren't fighting over children, rather this was just a sleazy move on the g/f's part to cause me distress. That happened over 4 yrs ago. The matter was duly noted by my lawyer in our family law file and definitely did nothing to help my ex - quite the opposite.

Sorry you aren't just fighting your ex but his nutty g/f. You have my sympathy.
You're very lucky to have been able to afford a lawyer for that. Unfortunately I'm not in the same boat; but I've been looking into how to self represent for the PB and I'm gonna try a few methods to have this whole thing thrown out of court if I can.

Thanks for your sympathy with the nutcase
This new GF is pure drama and she has been from the start; but the worst part of it is that she's pregnant so... I'll likely be stuck with her in my life (in some capacity) for a very long time ugh!
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Old 05-05-2014, 08:06 AM
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Don't despair - you really don't need a lawyer for the peace bond hearing. You merely go up in front of the judge and both get to present your side of the story (in a short period of time). Judge could merely tell the two of you to stay away from each other (no communication). I had a lawyer do it for me (didn't attend at court) as I was pretty certain that g/f and her entourage would be present and I didn't want to be anywhere near that bitch. In my situation it was money well spent. My lawyer showed the judge a few crazy emails I had received.

You can request that the Peace Bond be two-way, so it applies to her as well. Just watch out for nutty g/f showing up in a place where you regularly shop.
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Old 05-05-2014, 09:05 AM
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As your situation involves children you should consider using Our Family Wizard as a means of communication. Many people on this forum have found it useful.

One thing I have done over the years which has worked for me is insist my ex communicate with me through fax. For several years I refused to exchange emails. My ex would send hand-written letters to me. That way I was assured it was indeed him (and not the g/f).

Whichever way works for you. It sounds as though the My Family Wizard is a good thing as it is child-focussed. Someone on the forum says it is around 100.00 to sign up for it.

I'd strongly recommend finding the best way of communication with your ex which keeps the g/f out of things as much as possible. Perhaps consider having a judge order this at your upcoming PB hearing?
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Old 05-05-2014, 10:19 AM
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So let me summarize your situation. You left your ex, took kids with you. Then it was not convenient to have your daughter with you, so you transfered a custody back to your ex. now it is conveneient for you to have your daughter full time, so you want her back. And you expect your ex to agree to it. And what about your daughter? do you think that she likes living with one of you and then with other at your convenience?

I am not saying that the methods your ex is using are right, all I am saying try to think about it from other perspective. It seems to me that you are behaving as many mom's do, not treating your ex as equal parent. When you first left, if he was asking for shared custody, would you let him have it? honestly?
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Old 05-05-2014, 10:59 AM
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I think you really need to expand on this comment

Quote:
When I left him and took the children with me and both were under my full time care for 4 years following the split.
Was he in agreement at the time when you took the children?

Did he get to see the children for those 4 years?

What he is doing is wrong but this might be a case of calling the kettle black.
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Old 05-05-2014, 12:12 PM
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"Residence was signed over 'On Consent' under the provision and verbal agreement that our daughters residence would be signed back to me in 2012 after I returned to the area with my son."

Depending upon what the word "provision" means, OP might have written as well as verbal agreement. I'm not sure that verbal agreement alone would suffice.
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Old 05-05-2014, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toutou View Post
So let me summarize your situation. You left your ex, took kids with you. Then it was not convenient to have your daughter with you, so you transfered a custody back to your ex. now it is conveneient for you to have your daughter full time, so you want her back. And you expect your ex to agree to it. And what about your daughter? do you think that she likes living with one of you and then with other at your convenience?

I am not saying that the methods your ex is using are right, all I am saying try to think about it from other perspective. It seems to me that you are behaving as many mom's do, not treating your ex as equal parent. When you first left, if he was asking for shared custody, would you let him have it? honestly?

The 1st paragraph is quite condescending, thus I will not even it airs; but to answer your specific question
"When you first left, if he was asking for shared custody, would you let him have it?" NO because I left him for shaking our then 2 month old daughter, and traumatizing my then, 5 year old son by doing so.
I don't speak of my marriage, and I likely won't after this because it is something that ended many years and is no longer relevant today; but my X traumatized my son by breaking many objects around the house, in growling fits of rage, and he neglected us very badly on top of that...
I had a nervous break down because of the stress and pressure in trying to make my marriage work for the benefit of the kids and the good man he was as times, the great man he once was, and in the ultimate hope that things would get better; but shaking our infant while growling in her face, swearing at her in rage and having my 5 year old boy call me home from working the night shift- that was the last straw!
We left that night.

Even though my X did that (shook our baby) I still allowed him to see the children.
At first only in my home.
Then, after a few months, once trust had been reestablished, he could take one or both of them on his own during the day.
Because of the shaking, he was not allowed unsupervised overnights until our daughter was 2; but that was for her own safety.
During those first 2 years, if my X wanted our daughter over night I would stay over at his place- we were still very amicable at the time.
My son would spend the night there too on occasion though he's never been able to spend a night in that house without me there to this very day because of what happened the night we left- it truly did traumatize him.


Please Toutou,

Don't come at me like I'm some self righteous, overbearing woman who makes demands and supposes that she deserves anything more then either of her children's fathers because I'm simply not that way.

I have always done whatever is needed to make sure that the children's fathers have been as much a part of their lives as they would like, and if you read the loooooong post I began with you'd have seen that I clearly stated if my X didn't want to sign residence over to me completely I was fine with us having a 50/50 split and I in fact attempted to make that the new goal.
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Old 05-05-2014, 12:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
I think you really need to expand on this comment



Was he in agreement at the time when you took the children?

Did he get to see the children for those 4 years?

What he is doing is wrong but this might be a case of calling the kettle black.
lol sorry, I guess I stated that wrong. I did take the children with me because the house and situation was not safe; but I did not refuse him access, nor would I ever.
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