Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Introductions

Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-11-2010, 11:41 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road
Default New member to the site..hello everyone!

Hello all,
Wish we could have been talking about a different subject all together.

A bit about my situation;
My common law wife of 26 years got hooked on prescription weight loss drugs about 5 years ago. She suffered all the worst side effects;paranoia, taste change, change in touch etc.... and I had no idea she was on them. When we took her to the local hospital the doctor told her to get off them immediately! Dexedrine (speed) 3 times a day or about 100 pills per month.
With this was a daily regimented workout almost at an obsession level. She looks incredible for a 45 year old.

Last January, after much pleading from myself and my two daughters age 12 and 14 to get off them, she refused saying they did not affect her, she assaulted me, not violently but she was the aggressor. I restrained her to protect myself and let her go when she stopped resisting.

She called 911, the police came, spoke to me, my girls and my wife all separately and they arrested her. She lived with her elderly aunt about 2 months and was later tossed out because she stayed on the drugs and did nothing to help herself. With nowhere else to turn, she slept in the local Walmart lot one night and contacted the kids in the morning.

I called her (not supposed to talk to her) and told her to go to a local bed and breakfast to get some decent sleep and shower until we could find her a place pending her court date. She stayed about a month there and I paid for everything....lawyer, B&B, groceries, so on.

The Crown made a deal with her to get off the drugs in a controlled fashion under doctor's care and they would drop the assault charge and placed a peace bond on her for 1 year. She followed through and eventually came home. I spent about 3 months or so looking after the house, the kids, work etc until she returned. She blamed me for everything and the relationship suffered. I tried all I could to get her forget the past and lets move on. We went out for dinners, dancing etc, but it did not seem to work. She was angry and bitter at me.

On July 1st, she attacked my 14 year old daughter and I called 911. The police did not want to do anything and recommended to me I leave her.

We lived together, slept in separate beds and so on until we put our house for sale on Oct 15. On Oct 23, she assualted me again and my youngest daughter (12) called 911. The police arrived and again did not want to take action despite the Peace Bond. I told them if they did not act, I would get a restraining order iin the morning fro the JP. They decided to arrest her again. After 3 nights in jail, she was bailed out by her brother and he is her surety. Her brother is not helping much as I told him she needs medical or psychological help but all he talk about is lawyers, court and cleaning me out.

I have defacto custody of the kids and they do not want to visit their mom who has turned into a chronic liar.

My questions are;

Can I get custody of the kids and will it be hard to do?

Do I have to pay spousal support (she worked for cash cleaning houses) but she never really had a permanent job.

I paid $150k down payment on the house (we both are on title) and there is about 250K equity in it. What is she entitled to?

She wants the house sold today (she is hurting for money), what can I do to stall it? I may consider buying her out so the kids can stay here in the same house.

I may try to buy out her spousal support with the house buyout. How could I work that and how would child support work in this equation?

Sorry for the long story.....
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 12:03 AM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,229
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

The value of the house gets split 50-50. If you have documented reports of the abuse of the children then it's pretty likely you'd get custody and she'd have supervised access. (CAS should have been called?) In that case she'd pay you child support. She could apply for equalization of the house and assets PLUS spousal so be prepared for that. If there is no valid reason for her not to be working full time then she should be supporting herself and contributing to supporting the kids. If she isn't then ask to have an income imputed to her to reflect what her income would be if she was to get a full time job.

If you can afford to buy her out of the house then it may be the best thing for the kids right now so they have something that stays consistent for the time being.

Aside from that, stop making dumb choices. You had a peace bond, you broke the peace bond, things (predictably) went bad and police were called and you then expected them to enforce the peace bond. Protect yourself and the kids and respect that it's there to do the same.

Welcome to the board.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 12:33 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 21
gavingonsalves is on a distinguished road
Default

May I bud in for a sec, but good to know all of those things.

Hello everyone, I am in need of help, advice and/or ideas. I am currently waiting for a custody trial in May 2011, however, my ex wife may be deported before then, and has told me she will leave with our daughter, whether I like it or not (on top of that, I would never find them in Venezuela). My ex has had our daughter in her care ever since she left my home and refuses more time, even when our daughter wants more time with me, she thinks having our daughter all the time will grant her access to Canada. She has left me out of ALL decisions, even when my ex knows I want to be a part of our daughters life. With held contact via the phone just yesterday because I would not write a support letter, but I went to numerous appointments to help my ex stay here in Canada. She has lied to the courts and to her own lawyer, even knowing I have proof to prove it. My ex failed to register our daughter for school until I pushed the matter, and informed her that she would look bad in court. I have always put our daughter before any anger I may have, and I have always thought about our daughters needs and best interests first.

What I would like to know, how do I go about getting temporary custody or at least 50-50 until the trial is over, just in case she does get sent back to her home country or tries to leave before hand? What are my chances?
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 12:35 AM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,229
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

Your chances of getting advice are much better in your other thread that you already started.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 12:36 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 21
gavingonsalves is on a distinguished road
Default

Ok thank you. Best of luck to you though.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 01:27 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road
Default

Aside from that, stop making dumb choices. You had a peace bond, you broke the peace bond, things (predictably) went bad and police were called and you then expected them to enforce the peace bond. Protect yourself and the kids and respect that it's there to do the same.

Welcome to the board.[/quote]

Thanks for the advice....
I didn't have a peace Bond on me, she did and she broke the peace bond. What dumb choice did I make? I'm not sure I get it.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 01:32 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road
Default

Can you explain equalization? I understood what was mine was mine and hers hers...
Yes CAS was called and involved and all the situation documented.
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 01:37 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 103
raven70 is on a distinguished road
Default

Firstly, In my common-law relationship where we were both on title with the home, the equity was not split 50/50. I was awarded my down payment back
and retained 60% of the remaining equity because of contributions. So although it may be automatic 50/50 sometimes, this was not my experience because common law is treated different than marriage.

Secondly, with the SS issue. My opinion is that yes she is entitled and the concern is she is not healthy could complicate matters and the duration.
This appears to be a situation where SS could be a long-term order, I would do my best to buy her out,remembering that SS support payments are tax deductable,so you must factor that in your offer. Without knowing your income level, it is difficult to pinpoint with more certainty. best of luck
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 01:51 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 153
lumpy is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lorlaman View Post
The Crown made a deal with her to get off the drugs in a controlled fashion under doctor's care and they would drop the assault charge and placed a peace bond on her for 1 year.

I think, bluntly, the dumb choice was to let your drug abusing violent wife come back into a situation where she had the chance to abuse your children. You had a peace bond against her... then it was your choice was to let her back into your and your children's home.

Now you have made a good decision to end things with your wife. So make your main focus on the kids. Don't worry about what her brother says, obviously he is not looking out for your children. Don't worry if your is getting the help that she needs. You couldn't help her when you were married. You won't be able to do it now. Only she can do that. Instead worry that your children are getting the psychological help that they need. Concentrate on how to minimize the pain that they are going through. Because, in spite of them saying that they want to visit her, they are going to be devasted that their own mother chose drugs and violence over her family. At 12 and 14 they are probobly incredibly angry - and underneath the anger - hurt that this is happening to them. First priority - Protect them & put them first.

Good luck to you and your girls.
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2010, 02:07 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road
Default

It appeared at the time that it was only the drugs to be the cause of the problem. She has not as much pointed a finger at me in 25 years. No one did any psychological assessment and that could have been the real problem.

However, she may have other mental or psychological problems and they are not being addressed.

BTW, I make a bout 90K a year.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
check out this site... tugofwar Parenting Issues 13 09-26-2010 12:47 AM
New member, old story... zeek Divorce & Family Law 3 10-03-2008 07:13 AM
On behalf of new member "oopps" FL_Needs_To_Change Divorce & Family Law 4 03-27-2008 03:46 PM
common-law site lookingforadvise Common Law Issues 5 04-07-2006 04:12 PM
Hi... checking this site... Bonhomme Introductions 4 01-31-2006 04:41 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:59 PM.