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Old 03-09-2016, 09:53 AM
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Default New here.. and could use help....

I'm fighting for 50/50 access to kids; we separated in Spring of last year and I was with kids nearly everyday even though I didn't live in the house.

I still paid for all house expenses until January and that is when wife decided that I'm no longer entitled to seeing kids so much.

Her lawyer sent letter saying access can only be alternate weekends due to kids ages (2 under 5). The weekday she gave a time of 3-5pm but I work until 5pm and I'm not able to get out of work so early. I even had a letter prepared by my workplace stating the office hours are 9-5pm.

Since then I'm setting up an apartment in the same neighbourhood and setting it up so kids can come and stay with me overnight during week (and alternating weekends)

My lawyer tells me not to worry we've sent multiple letters from Jan - March asking for more time with kids and how I've always been an involved father and it's not fair to them that I'm being kept away from them.

Her letters put the position that due to kids ages they need a mother more than a father and as such should not be with me more than the few hours they are suggesting.

We have a case conference scheduled for sometime in July but I don't want to wait that long.

Any suggestions on what I should do? My lawyer tells me to be patient and just have the apartment fully ready for the kids.
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Old 03-09-2016, 10:16 AM
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Unfortunately, you are male and you left the matrimonial home. That means that you have presumptively lost your case and you will likely be an EOW pseudodad.

I really wish that there was a way to get the message out to fathers that they should never leave the home unless ordered out by a judge.

Luckily, it is a rebuttable presumption. There are many cases of fathers recovering from their epic initial blunder. However, it will be expensive, and you have to be careful. You cannot make another mistake again.

My generic initial advice:

1) Never listen to her lawyer. Never ever. That lawyer has a job, and that job is to make sure you don't get shared custody. That lawyer is not your friend, that lawyer does not care about your kids. The lawyer only represents your ex.

2) Don't communicate verbally with your ex. From this point forward everything has to be in writing. Seems like you might be doing that already, but just pointing that out .

3) Pay the child support. It sucks, because that child support will be used to pay the lawyer used to hurt your kids, but there is no way around that.

4) In fact, don't play money games at all. Judges assume that men want kids for money, while women want kids for love. Don't give them anything to bolster that assumption. A lot of horribly unfair things are about to happen when it comes to money. If you complain in writing about any of it ever, you are screwed.

5) You likely will not see your kids much at all until the case conference. Your ex will be told to keep the kids as much as possible in order to establish a status quo. Unfortunately, that tactic will probably work. Nonetheless, use that time to prepare your case. Keep on asking for more time, other posters will chime in on that.

6) Your lawyer is right, you have to be patient. Your lawyer is wrong, you should be worried.
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Old 03-09-2016, 11:16 AM
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Agree with everything Janus stated with an additional recommendation.

x) Have your lawyer put together a standard offer to settle for all the matters regarding custody and access of the children (including child support) and serve it in accordance with the rules.

You want to do this because when you do go to the case conference you then attach this to your brief and the judge has something to work with.

Access schedule you want to instruct your lawyer to put in is either a 2-2-5-5 or 2-2-3-3 based one.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...plained-13702/

Good Luck!
Tayken
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