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Old 06-24-2010, 08:42 PM
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Hi my name is Jason, and I am now separated. This whole mess sucks. But it is better than the alternative.
My wife and I have decided to split after 17 years. We have 3 boys, 3,6,8 yrs old. My wife since our 2nd was born has been the major bread winner at home. I started a new company 3.5 yrs ago and am still not really doing well.
She is moving out, as she can afford another place in the same neighborhood. I cannot, but can afford to pay our small mortgage. The kids will stay with me on Sun, Mon, and tues, with my wife having them the rest of the week.This works best for both of us. She would owe me alimony, but I see little reason to take it from her.
My biggest problem is with where she has decided to live. Her front door is right ona a major busy road in our 'hood. With no backyard, I feel it is very dangerous location for our kids (who are extremely free range).
Is there some kind of provision for this in family law?
Is there any provision with the size of an apartment. I didn't want to force out of this apt. for it's size (it is beyond small for 4ppl, ie 1bdrm)? I don't want my kids there, by any means.
Please help with my querries. And yes I have thick skin, so berate away if that's some kind of initiation, as I read before.
Thanks in advance,
Jason
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Old 06-24-2010, 09:49 PM
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I don't know if there is anything legally that you can do, technically there isn't anything unsafe about it as thousands of other families live in areas like that.

My only suggestion would be to trust mom with the kids, as you always have. Trust that she would not put the children in harm's way or not consider their needs.

Have you spoken to her about it?
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Old 06-24-2010, 10:18 PM
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Dude you're in an ace position here vis a vis maintaining your parental status. That she is comimtting cardinal sin #1 by leaving the house, albeit with an arrangement in place, puts you rock solid on custody and access.

I had the same concerns about the kids living in an apartment with a balcony and improper window locks. Trust your STBX that she will care for them. It sounds like she will. Do you have faith in that regard?

It's very nerve wracking I know, but be careful not to stare this gift horse (of you staying in the house with the kids) in the mouth.
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Old 06-24-2010, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chefjayl View Post
Hi my name is Jason, and I am now separated. This whole mess sucks. But it is better than the alternative.
My wife and I have decided to split after 17 years. We have 3 boys, 3,6,8 yrs old. My wife since our 2nd was born has been the major bread winner at home. I started a new company 3.5 yrs ago and am still not really doing well.
She is moving out, as she can afford another place in the same neighborhood. I cannot, but can afford to pay our small mortgage. The kids will stay with me on Sun, Mon, and tues, with my wife having them the rest of the week.This works best for both of us. She would owe me alimony, but I see little reason to take it from her.
My biggest problem is with where she has decided to live. Her front door is right ona a major busy road in our 'hood. With no backyard, I feel it is very dangerous location for our kids (who are extremely free range).
Is there some kind of provision for this in family law?
Is there any provision with the size of an apartment. I didn't want to force out of this apt. for it's size (it is beyond small for 4ppl, ie 1bdrm)? I don't want my kids there, by any means.
Please help with my querries. And yes I have thick skin, so berate away if that's some kind of initiation, as I read before.
Thanks in advance,
Jason

The only problem that I would maybe see is that her place is too small, but since they're all boys it does make the living arrangement easier for her to manage, for example if you had a girl, then she would possibly (pending her age) have to have separate space for her. I would make sure that the boys have the bedroom, and that there is enough space for all three boys.

As the other poster pointed out families out there have to make due with what they have, but there is still a responsibility to make sure the living arrangement is adaquit.
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:27 AM
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you say she can afford to move out but it that is the only place she can afford then she really isn't doing that good either. She did you a favour by moving out and she may just decide to move back into the house if you bitch to her that the place she has now isn't good enough. Good for you for not going after her for SS. That makes you a better person in my mind and I am sure a few others as well.

Try to keep out of the lawyers office and work it out between yourselves. Decide what you are doing with the house as she does own half of it.
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Old 06-25-2010, 08:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
you say she can afford to move out but it that is the only place she can afford then she really isn't doing that good either. She did you a favour by moving out and she may just decide to move back into the house if you bitch to her that the place she has now isn't good enough. Good for you for not going after her for SS. That makes you a better person in my mind and I am sure a few others as well.

Try to keep out of the lawyers office and work it out between yourselves. Decide what you are doing with the house as she does own half of it.
I agree. Stop and think about if the situation were reversed. She keeps the house, she makes a bit more so she can afford the mortgage, what kind of apartment could you afford to move into to have the kids 50/50?

She is going out of her way for the children here, she is staying in the same neighbourhood. So they can be near school and friends and activities and familiar parks etc no matter which parent they are with. This is something that many people have huge fights with their ex's over, you are lucky she isn't trying to move them to another province!!

My ex and me have 50/50, initially she moved into a 1 bedroom about a restaurant. One child had a bedroom, she had a bunk bed with the other in the living room. This wasn't even a question of expense, it was what was available on a moment's notice, a few blocks from the school and on an easy transit line to my place. It was also temporary and gave her a chance to find an excellent place that was also good for everyone later in the year.

If you pick this fight, she will just as easily seek the house, or return the favour and fight over something else, or she will be forced out of the neighbourhood which will hurt you and the kids both. Meanwhile, I'm sure she is not an idiot (no matter that we all think our ex's are idiots) and she will consider it temporary. But you do your cause no good at all if you start making demands about where and how she is living.

To claim the children will somehow suffer living there is just speculation at this point. Give her a chance, you are both having your lives turned upside down. In 6 months or a year if the situation is the same, things aren't going well for them, she has no plans to improve the situation, then you should speak up. And you will have the benefit of 6-12 months of Status Quo on your part so at least she can't challenge you for the custody of the kids.

You are 90% settled, don't reopen a battle just because things aren't perfect. They will never be perfect.
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