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Old 02-10-2010, 06:11 PM
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Angry New here

Hello,
Ex and I are in the very initial stages of separation. Issues surfaced over the last 3 months and eventually blew up. We have 3 kids. I am still far away from being able to speak to her in a civil manner. Gathering info for steps to follow in regards to selling house, dividing assets, child and spousal support. We will try and keep it out of lawyers hands. Any info you can share is welcomed.

Bitter and angry
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Old 02-10-2010, 09:12 PM
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Welcome to the forums and scan thru the posts as you will find alot of helpful stuff. As well by all means ask as much as you want.
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Old 02-10-2010, 09:32 PM
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Bitter and angry won't help. Work on getting past that if you can. Maybe not possible, but since you are only a few months in, is it possible to work it out - counselling etc?? If not, keep in mind that your kids will be watching everything you do. Best idea is to come to an agreement without lawyers. They will keep you both in a loop that is expensive to get out of.
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Old 02-10-2010, 09:49 PM
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I agree. There is likely very much hurt and anger on both sides currently, so if you can, get some personal counselling for yourself to deal with those issues and keep them out of the negotiations regarding dividing assets and custody of the children. ALWAYS, keep in mind what is best for the children which I believe is that both parents have an obligation and right to "be parents" to their children. Don't scabble over the small stuff and find a mediator to assist rather than courts and lawyers. Rememeber that both of you loved each other once, so the other person is not the enemy. This will benefit your children in the long run.
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Old 02-10-2010, 09:54 PM
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You need to think is this something the two of you can work out without lawyers? What is your communication like? If you can communicate and keep children focused then try to do a settlement on your own. But if you feel there is a slight chance things can turn and get ugly or disputes over money, custody, access, support then I would maybe consult a lawyer. I think a lot of people have the intentions of working things out of court but see how fast they will run to a lawyer, courts just because they found out they could get more money or found out if they increase their time with the kids can pay less.
Just have to be cautious. It all depends on the people involved and the the type of relationship you both have. Good luck

Last edited by tugofwar; 02-10-2010 at 10:26 PM.
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Old 02-10-2010, 10:06 PM
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Exactly the reason not to run to a lawyer or the courts. If you focus on money, guaranteed the lawyers will get the money, not you. I am not suggesting you give away the farm, but honestly, money is not what will make the children or the experience any better. Just my thoughts. And, to clarify, any good mediator is usually also a trained lawyer. They will provide adivse along the way, so you can be sure they won't be mediating for anything that is not sound in a court of law. That being said, if the other party is insistent on the legal process, courts and lawyers, then you will be best advised to find a reputable but fair lawyer.
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Old 02-10-2010, 10:22 PM
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Good point susiecanoe, you should maybe consider having at least a seperation agreement possibly made up. There are so many stories of couples spitting and going along with their agreement just to find out a few years down the road they could have gotten more money, or pay less child support and so forth. It usually takes an event like you moving on and having someone new or just one blow out to throw everything you worked hard to keep civil and going to be done and over before you know it. Just make sure you feel that this is something you both can work out or agree on.

Last edited by tugofwar; 02-10-2010 at 10:27 PM.
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