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Tearsinheaven 04-07-2016 01:33 PM

New....have some questions on pending divorce
 
Hi guys, I am new here and sadly my marriage is near its end. Both my wife and I feel it. We stay together just for the sake of our children. We can still function as a family and be civil to each other, but it feels like a ticking time bomb, it bonds to go off sooner or later, hope it can last till our kids grow older.
I have always believed in doing the best and preparing for the worst, so, here are a couple of questions and hope somebody can help answer them.
1: My parents are planning on give me some money for purchasing a vehicle. Is there anyway can I protect the money upon divorce? I.e. she will not get half of the money given by my parents.

2 Ever since we were married, we have been having our separate personal account and a common account. Are our personal accounts considered marital property?

3 If one of us borrow large amount of money under only his/her name before divorce. Do both person responsible for the debt?

Thanks. I guess I will visit here often for awhile.

Links17 04-07-2016 01:37 PM

Things will get better but they will get much worse first. You need to read up a lot. Women have it easy during divorce and men get screwed. You have to be very very smart about how you manage.

-What you want to do is maximize her revenue, let her work as much as possible. Encourage her (document it by email/text messages too)

-Maximize your time with the kids to ensure 50/50 residency (this has much more to do with how life will be in the future)

-Don't make many changes with money, don't get raises, don't lose your job.

-With kids involved and underemployed (if she is underemployed) women I suggest you get divorced as quickly as possible. For every day you stay married it costs you whatever you pay now per day to support her plus at least 25% of your salary for the length of the marriage. She isn't worth it. Unless of course she is actively looking for work then hold off to she finds full-time work and then divorce her.




The best thing to do is have minimal resources and assets right now. Though legally something might not be considered a judge might say "Oh your parents are giving you money so that counts as income"....

Janus 04-07-2016 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tearsinheaven (Post 207107)
I have always believed in doing the best and preparing for the worst

As Links said, by far the most important two things are:

1) Make sure your wife has a job
2) Make sure you spend at least 50% of the time with the kids, including bringing them to half of dentist/doctor appointments etc.

I'll answer your questions anyway:

Quote:

1: My parents are planning on give me some money for purchasing a vehicle. Is there anyway can I protect the money upon divorce? I.e. she will not get half of the money given by my parents.
Have them buy the car themselves, and then explicitly send you an email telling you that the car is a gift for you only. Gifts are not marital property. Note that you might still get screwed, so what I would really say is tell your parents to buy the car, and then you drive the car while they own it.

Note that this sum of money is more or less peanuts compared to what you can actually lose in the divorce. As the saying goes, don't miss the forest for the trees.

Quote:

2 Ever since we were married, we have been having our separate personal account and a common account. Are our personal accounts considered marital property?
Absolutely. Pretty much no way around that one.

Quote:

3 If one of us borrow large amount of money under only his/her name before divorce. Do both person responsible for the debt?
If it was before separation, and both parties were aware of the borrowing, I think it would be marital debt. Depends on how close to separation the borrowing took place, what was done with the money, etc.

If the money was used to buy stuff for both people, definitely marital debt. If the money was borrowed to fuel a gambling addiction, likely not :)

Tearsinheaven 04-07-2016 02:00 PM

Thank you for your reply Links 17. Both of us have full time job. However, I make about twice of what she makes. I am very confused at this stage. I want to save our marriage but it is a long shot......
Without kids I'd say good bye to her long time ago.
We can still tolerate each other and carry on as normal functioning family....

Tearsinheaven 04-07-2016 02:02 PM

Thank you for answering the questions. Janus.

FightingForFamily 04-07-2016 02:55 PM

If there are no compelling issues I would see what you can do to work on your marriage instead. A divorce will end a lot more than just your relationship. It will end an entire way of life, all of the family and friend connections you have made over the years. It will devastate your finances. You will lose your home and be at a financial disadvantage for years probably forever. It's not something to take lightly just because you are bored or vaguely unhappy or you feel your partner isn't meeting your needs the way they once did. Those are issues that can be fixed. There are plenty of reasons for a divorce just ensure you have a good one before you push the self destruct button on your entire adult life.

Consider the following situation:
-Your house burns to the ground with everything inside. You have nothing left but the clothes on your back, maybe whatever you can fit in your car.
-Never mind the car, it got stolen while you watched the house burn.
-If you have any pension, investments or RRSPs, they all tank and lose 50% of their value. Worse than 2008 financial crisis.
-Now take your gross annual salary, take away 75% of it every month.

-So now you are homeless essentially making minimum wage.

This is where you should expect to be after a divorce. If this situation sounds better than the situation you are in now, then divorce is definitely the answer.

FightingForFamily 04-07-2016 03:00 PM

One final thought. All the cards are in her hand, not yours. If you split she has everything to gain and you have everything to lose. As the lower income earner, she has every financial incentive to divorce you and come out way ahead. Only her love and good will (and maybe ignorance) are saving you from this fate.

stripes 04-07-2016 04:07 PM

There are many people on this forum who hold negative views about one gender, because they had a bad experience with a person of that gender. Don't let this influence you. It is simply not true that women automatically get everything and lead a life of leisure on spousal support after divorce, so don't let that deter you from seeking a divorce, if you've done everything you could to save your marriage. Many people divide assets reasonably fairly, figure out how to co-parent the kids, and get on with their lives.

To answer your questions:

1. If the money for the vehicle is a gift just to you, it can be exempted from the division of assets. Be sure you keep the money separate from your joint accounts - open a new account just to receive the money if you have to. If your parents give you a car and not just money, ideally you should try to keep it somewhere off your property and not allow your spouse to use it. Best of all would be if your parents waited until you were separated before giving you the money, as then it's clearly not a joint asset.

2. Your individual accounts are part of shared property.

3. Depends on
-when the person borrowed the money,
-what that person did with it, and
-who knew about it.

If you're talking about a student loan one party had when you got married, which both parties knew about, it would clearly be shared debt. If one party goes out tomorrow and borrows $10 000 without telling the other party, and spends it on something for him/herself alone - like taking a solo vacation in France or buying a fancy motorcycle - the loan would probably be considered the responsibility of the party who borrowed it.

Rioe 04-07-2016 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stripes (Post 207119)
If you're talking about a student loan one party had when you got married, which both parties knew about, it would clearly be shared debt. If one party goes out tomorrow and borrows $10 000 without telling the other party, and spends it on something for him/herself alone - like taking a solo vacation in France or buying a fancy motorcycle - the loan would probably be considered the responsibility of the party who borrowed it.

I think you have this backwards.

Student loans one party had before marriage count against only that person when calculating their net worth at marriage date. If it's from before marriage, it's not a shared debt.

And if one person borrows money without the other person knowing, both people are still on the hook for the debt 50-50. That's what becoming one financial entity through marriage means. If it's from after marriage, it's a shared debt.

Of course, both situations can have exceptions, but consulting a lawyer is a wise course of action to determine if you're one of them.

stripes 04-07-2016 11:41 PM

You're right Rioe - thanks for catching that.


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