Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Introductions

Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-18-2010, 03:48 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 7
jezabelmom is on a distinguished road
Default New to the forum, intro and brief history

A little history:

The child has resided with me since birth and dad has been in supervised access.

Child custody/access

3 case conferences, 1st, judge suggests supervised access, 2nd more supervised access, hours increased, 3rd judge wants supervised access at centre to transition into supervised access into the community.

Parties agreed on Minutes of Settlement to create a community access schedule – that was to be supervised by a family member. My lawyer and I create the schedule with all kinds of locations and choices and requests for input. None forthcoming, but ex finally agrees to whatever we decide. We make a schedule (short, frequent visits) and begin. Since ex is not comfortable with any of my family members supervising and his side doesn’t step up, the onus fell on me, the mom. I agreed to this so that our child could really get more time with dad (short, very frequent visits) the other part of the agreement was to commence family counseling in conjunction with the community access. I was very excited and hopeful and the ex was charming for the first week, until I rejected his suggestion to “get-back-together” with him.

Ex backed out of the counseling, not even one session. But I kept up my end and adhered to the access schedule. Both my lawyer and I tried to encourage the counseling but ex has now refused altogether.

Ex is not showing up at the access locations and; I have no way to prove it;
Since his lawyer advised him not to sign attendance sheets which were to be signed and dated by both parties to show that access was taking place.

I bring our child to the access location and we sit for an hour and wait for dad to show up, rinse, and repeat, day after day. This has been going on for close to three weeks.

Ex’s lawyer wants ex to commence home access and his bringing forth a motion to have access “expanded” but the wording is so ambiguous I simply don’t understand if he wants to continue the community access, which he is not attending, and home access which he specifies as, 2 hours twice a week at his house, to increase to four hours twice a week after 30 days. And to expand after that, with no further details.

I am now required to show up for community access; regardless if dad shows up or not and also agree to the extra access but have no idea of days, times or anything else.

Ex is on a permanent disability for a psychiatric illness, and I’m attending college, so he has a lot more of an open calendar than I do.

I am usually very good at planning and organizing, but in this situation, I am at a loss.

Any suggestions?
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-18-2010, 04:55 PM
NBDad's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 2,734
NBDad is on a distinguished road
Default

Is it specified that you must wait around for him the whole time in the order? If it's not specifically spelled out, I would have your lawyer send his something to the effect that

"As your client has not attended the access times on date(s), and has refused to sign the access sheet on date(s), my client has advised she will wait for 30 mins. past the scheduled access time start. At that time, if your client has not arrived and no prior notice has been given, we will consider him a no show and will carry about her day"

A preset time to wait is pretty standard, if you don't have one, get one.

When he refuses to sign the access sheet, YOU sign it anyway. Then write a note on it to the effect that "Ex refused to sign the access sheet". Also, pick up a PVR (personal voice recorder) and wear it when you will be in contact with him. That way, you have a recording of him refusing to sign.

If this is causing a lot of issues for you, you need to be pushing for him to be providing a supervisor, either someone that is acceptable to you, or he has to PAY for one.

(Paid is preferable, since THEY will pick up the child, deliver the child to the access location, supervise and then return the child to you)

Quote:
Ex’s lawyer wants ex to commence home access and his bringing forth a motion to have access “expanded” but the wording is so ambiguous I simply don’t understand if he wants to continue the community access, which he is not attending, and home access which he specifies as, 2 hours twice a week at his house, to increase to four hours twice a week after 30 days. And to expand after that, with no further details.


You of course are going to refuse this request, on the grounds he is not attending the supervised access in the community and offer up new terms that place the providing of a supervisor squarely where it belongs...on him. Since you are no longer comfortable in supervising the access given his recent advances.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-18-2010, 06:26 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 7
jezabelmom is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for your suggestions NBDad, it helps!

I have thought of signing and dating the sheets myself and I can also obtain an attendance printout at one of the locations as proof of attendance which is better than nothing I suppose. I have tried to be assertive and insist upon using the attendance sheets, however; the ex and his lawyer claim that signing these sheets are unreasonable and constitute “interference” to access.

I did think about suggesting that my community access involvement be ended and that a family member be phased in, but would have no guarantee to his agreement, as he is very resistant to settling matters and claims not to have the financial resources to even split the cost of a “paid supervisor”, so it must be a family member. So I will attempt this in my offer to settle.

I received the latest affidavit and it a massive diatribe that is nonsensical and so contradictory that it seems to serve no purpose. Some sections are so contrived that is defies logic. For example after ranting on and on about how badly he feels the access is going, his solution being to bring our child to his house, he includes pictures of them together having fun. And; even though my lawyer has corresponded with opposing counsel regarding his failure to exercise access, he denies it. Will it come down to “he said, she said”?

Also, Included is an affidavit from his mom, need I say more?

What is missing is form 35.1 affidavit in support of custody/access and the form 13 financial disclosure and I am wondering if he is somehow exempt from submitting these forms to the honorable court during the motion hearing.

Also included are pages and pages of observation reports from the supervised access centre that are dated; and come with a disclaimer.

And all of this for, 2 hours at his house, twice a week, to expand to four hours, twice a week and then expand……after this it just trails off.

It just doesn’t give me anything to “sink my teeth into” so that I can settle things. Will a judge just grant the time and leave the details up to me? He is on Legal Aid and therefore no, financial consequences to consider if he keeps going.

I guess the bottom line is that I am struggling to stay “child centered” without being self-righteous, not being drawn into the head-games or tactics but standing up for my sanity.

Anyway, thanks for listening (reading).

Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:04 AM.