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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2015, 10:37 PM
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Welcome CanadianMohawk,

IMHO, if you are maintaining the matrimonial home and have the children in your care 50/50, the most your ex would be entitled to is offset child support which would be based on the difference in your income vs. her income.

You should probably get legal advice but if she has moved out, I would be changing all the locks and putting all her personal belongings into one room where she can come to pick them up with the police there to make sure there is no conflict and she can't falsely claim there was any.

You should be able to get a temporary order based on the status quo since she moved out to live with the boyfriend that puts the 50/50 shared parenting on the record and also an order for her to cut the crap and cooperate with listing the house with a reputable realtor at fair market value so you can minimize the financial impact of her departure.

You sound like you have your head screwed on straight and that your ex is acting in a selfish and self serving manner (at least for the time being) that is not in the best interest of your young children.

As for changing your kids names at this point, not bloody likely, especially if they were born while you were married and both of you signed the paperwork, agreeing on the names of your children at the time.

It will probably be long and messy to sort all this out but stay focused on the kids like you have been doing and ignore the bull****.
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Old 12-01-2015, 10:47 PM
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I am not sure if you can legally change the locks as all she has to do is call a locksmith and get them changed herself. She is part owner of the house and there is no order for exclusive possession.
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Old 12-02-2015, 12:15 PM
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Arabian;

She knows what went wrong (as do I) and I'm not so sure she is stumbling along rather than just getting bad advice from the boyfriend. I'm of the opinion guilt is what is driving her now and I'm hoping it will wear off eventually.

"While we are communicating"..that part makes me chuckle. I guess it's true to some extent, but we only comminicate when we have to now. And even then, it's usually me folding to her one-sided demands just to stop nonsense I get back from her.

I like the idea of the Our Family Wizard program and will look into it. Mind you, I've suggested parenting courses to her before and as with pretty much anything I suggest, if it's suggested by me, it's rejected. I need to figure out how to make her think she came up with the idea.
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Old 12-02-2015, 12:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YoungDad23 View Post
Welcome CanadianMohawk,

IMHO, if you are maintaining the matrimonial home and have the children in your care 50/50, the most your ex would be entitled to is offset child support which would be based on the difference in your income vs. her income.

You should probably get legal advice but if she has moved out, I would be changing all the locks and putting all her personal belongings into one room where she can come to pick them up with the police there to make sure there is no conflict and she can't falsely claim there was any.

You should be able to get a temporary order based on the status quo since she moved out to live with the boyfriend that puts the 50/50 shared parenting on the record and also an order for her to cut the crap and cooperate with listing the house with a reputable realtor at fair market value so you can minimize the financial impact of her departure.

You sound like you have your head screwed on straight and that your ex is acting in a selfish and self serving manner (at least for the time being) that is not in the best interest of your young children.

As for changing your kids names at this point, not bloody likely, especially if they were born while you were married and both of you signed the paperwork, agreeing on the names of your children at the time.

It will probably be long and messy to sort all this out but stay focused on the kids like you have been doing and ignore the bull****.
Yea, I know about the offsetting child support and how much it will be. I'm just wondering if I'll be able to claim undue hardship for the time while I'm stuck in the matrimonial home and strapped for cash. After the house sells, I have no problems paying it, it's just right now, I'm tapped out.


I think sidelines is also right that I can't change the locks. I so wish I could. I think the reasoning is the same one that you can't change the locks if you're a renter. The owner of the home is legally allowed to be able to enter so long as proper notice is given. Again, my question here, and it applies to me trying to recoup costs for maintaining the home until it sold, is: Has she moved out or not? She doesn't sleep there anymore, but she won't give notice before entering and taking stuff, has half her belongings there still, (tables,sofa's, bed, dresser, clothes, etc, etc, ) and her address has not be changed. I think the answer to this question might even come into play as to whether or not I have to start paying the offsetting CS now or not.

And yes, my kids were born with my last name and that is what is on their birth certificates. I have no desire to add her maiden name to it. If she reverts her name back to her maiden name and wants to change the kids names so they share it, that's too bad for her as far as I am concerned. We agreed on their names when they were born since we were married and she had taken my last name. Her leaving for someone else was a choice she made and this is one of the consequences she is going to have to live with.

Lastly, about getting a court order for 50/50 so it's on record; To be honest, I don't want to rock the boat here. I have email proof where she has confirmed that we are doing 50/50 even though she doesn't agree to it. Plus, I'm getting what I want now and things are going along relatively smoothly aside from selling the house. I don't want to do anything that might send her over the edge or try something before we get to the case conference.

oh, we are both self-represented at this point in time. I do not intend to change that for myself. I have no idea about her, though suspect she feels the same since she appear to be very driven by her quest for money.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2015, 02:53 PM
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how much equity is in the house? If she is driven by money like you say then maybe mention to her that one the house is sold she would get a share of that plus you would be able to pay her CS (don't tell her it would be offset, she should figure that out herself)

You are maybe stuck paying the stuff for the house (utilities for sure) as you are the one living there. What would be the market rent if you were to rent a comparable type of home? The only sticking point may be that she still has stuff there and hasn't changed her address to reflect her moving out. You may be able to get half the mortgage payments/property tax/insurance but then she may try to claim that you had control over the house and try to nail you with occupational rent. Get the house listed and see what type of offers you get. Not the best time to sell but at least get an agent in to put a realistic value on the house so you can use that to maybe get the court to give you an order to sell the house and your ex wont be able to argue it. If you list it for what she wants and there are no offers then that would be proof she isn't acting reasonably.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2015, 03:06 PM
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There is some equity, but not very much, which I why I think she wants top dollar. She knows about offsetting CS payments and I think it partially has something to do with why she wants full custody and 75/25 residency. Perhaps the new guy has convinced her of this, but she thinks she is going to cash in if I have to pay her for having primary residency. I'm not sure she's considered the fact that the costs really aren't that much different either way once you factor in all the other expenses.

the house has been on the market since August and no offers yet. I've managed to talk her down $15K but it's still not enough in my opinion. The market isn't good right now.

As yes, as you figure, being able to claim half the maintenance costs on the home all boils down to where or not it's been considered if she has moved out or not. If she has, then yes, should could charge me occupational rent to cover her half of the mortgage that she doesn't pay. The fact that she comes in without asking or notice and that her stuff is in the way of my putting my own things there, proves, to me, that I certainly don't have "control" over the house if that's what it takes.

House issues aside, failing to pay CS from Nov 1st until the case conference due to my financial circumstances brought on by her leaving, will this affect my chances at 50/50? Do I have a chance at using undue hardship to explain this? Her standard of living is much higher than mine now that she is living free of charge at her new boyfriends whom I know for a fact is buying things for her and my kids (ie, he is supporting her).
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2015, 03:15 PM
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You should be able to get a temporary order based on the status quo since she moved out to live with the boyfriend that puts the 50/50 shared parenting on the record and also an order for her to cut the crap and cooperate with listing the house with a reputable realtor at fair market value so you can minimize the financial impact of her departure.

[/QUOTE]

Roughly how long does it take to get a temporary order for something like this and what sort of proof is needed to get it?

the house is listed, it's just listed privately at a price above market value which is not moving it. It's been on the Market since August and we'e not got even 1 offer! I know it's not the house or the neighborhood either. Both are just fine and there's no reason would shouldn't have sold it by now had it been priced correctly. I DO have a few emails from realtors telling me what a more accurate listing price should be. It's about $10K less than the house is currently listed at.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2015, 03:43 PM
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open a no fee bank account (presidents choice is the one I use but there are others) and put the offset CS in that account. That way when it does come time and if you get ordered to pay from Nov 1 then you already have the money in the bank to cover the back payment.

If you want to claim undue hardship then you better make sure you get rid of all non-essentials like cable, internet etc. Hard to claim it when you are affording the little luxuries still. Even then you may not get a court to agree with undue hardship. They may say that once the house is sold you will have more money so they may hold off until that is done. Nothing is a slam dunk.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2015, 04:00 PM
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"They may say that once the house is sold you will have more money so they may hold off until that is done. Nothing is a slam dunk. "

This is correct. I will have more money once the house is sold. And this is why I'm only wanting to use an undue hardship claim while the house has not sold, because it's the reason I don't have the money to pay the offsetting CS right now. If I had the money to pay to put into a no interest bank account for possible later back payments, I'd just pay it to her now. It's not that I don't WANT to pay the CS right now, it's that I can't. I just don't have it. Every penny I have is going towards paying the mortgage and taxes, insurances, car maintenance and fuel, clothing for the kids because she took half, food for me and the kids, cleaning supplies, toiletries, taking the kids out for something cheap to do like public skating or play dates, Christmas presents for the kids so they'll have some to open when the time comes. Normal daily life expenses.

I don't have cable. I have internet, but I'm a computer guy so it's actually a necessity for me for work, not a luxury. I have a cell phone, but no landline so it's not a luxury either. A person needs a phone number to get by in life. I think the only "luxury" I have is that I take myself out for dinner once every 2 weeks after I get paid and then I take the kids out twice every week I have them. I haven't run the numbers for November yet, but I'm pretty sure all my "luxury's" have actually come from money that I don't have (adding some debt) but I'm doing it anyway because I can't deprive myself or my kids of everything while she's living large and taking vacations south of the border.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2015, 04:02 PM
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Something else to consider is the cost of the daycare. If ex is currently paying full cost of daycare right now, depending on whether full time or part time, daycare for two kids can be right up there with a mortgage payment.

I believe that would be considered s7 and you would be responsible for your portion(in proportion to your incomes)

Just something to consider in relation to you paying all the house bills right now and her none, and her paying all daycare.

I think the sooner the house can be sold and equalization done, the better. Hopefully your ex can be convinced of that also, so that both of you can have a better grip on what your future finances will look like.
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