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Old 11-18-2010, 12:32 PM
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nowin is on a distinguished road
Default New to court system after 14 years of co-parenting

Note about self (1st timer):
Never blogged before or been part of a forum - submitting this with nerves on end (about the online forum..grinn)
Separated and divorced for 14 years
Ex gets mad (not unusual) but this time he's not getting over it.
He decides he wants more custody and we are now tangled in court. If you take a step back he’s really doing this to get back at me because he’s mad at me. My child is suffering.

Question - the courts seem very clinical and very good at not looking at the whole picture. making snap judgements without any information. Is this the way its going to continue?

I had the assessment meeting in court a month ago. I am still disturbed by the experience. The ex perjured himself and the judge made conclusions based on what he said. No rebuttal from me. I sat silently – letting my lawyer handle it.
Since it was an assessment it had little impact but it leaves me feeling kinda sick.

The costs are going to sky rocket since he thinks the courts are psychologists. E.g. My child did not do well in one course. I gave him an update on marks. It’s my fault and he said he’s taking me to court on this.

This phrase – ‘I’m taking you to court’ comes up weekly in all correspondence. I have come to not correspond much because there is nothing constructive in the emails. I am actually co-parenting with his new wife since she can see how useless the emails have become.

Looking also for similar experiences which can help curb the costs and anxiety about the system.
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Old 11-18-2010, 12:37 PM
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Welcome to the forum.

By using language like "my child" you are sending a message about your willingness to acknoweldge and encourage a co-parenting environment for your child.

The father may be all that you describe - or not - but the child is still your child - as in you and Dad's child.
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Old 11-18-2010, 12:44 PM
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I am also using these terms to be discreet.

I had no problem with coparently. My limits have been pushed however because he is definitly out of sorts these days. He is engaging our child without regard for her feelings (obsessed with talking badly about us).
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Old 11-18-2010, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nowin View Post
He is engaging our child without regard for her feelings (obsessed with talking badly about us).
Now you're cooking with gas
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Old 11-18-2010, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
Question - the courts seem very clinical and very good at not looking at the whole picture. making snap judgements without any information. Is this the way its going to continue?

I had the assessment meeting in court a month ago. I am still disturbed by the experience. The ex perjured himself and the judge made conclusions based on what he said. No rebuttal from me. I sat silently – letting my lawyer handle it.
Since it was an assessment it had little impact but it leaves me feeling kinda sick.
Language is everything in court, get used to it. The courts do not make "snap" judgements, they are carefully thought out, and based on information provided. The less factual information you provide, the less likely you will get a sound decision. It is you that has to do the work.

Please keep in mind that neither you nor your ex can perjure yourselves. Again, language is everything and this also affects your understanding of the process, what your expectations are and how you handle yourself. Only third parties can be charged with perjury. This concept goes back centuries, anyone in court must feel free to speak in their own defence and present their own case, so they cannot be charged with perjury, only third party witnesses.

The better your understanding of the law and the legal system, the more comfortable you will be and the better your arguments and presentation will be. You will have clearer expectations and will be able to navigate the system more effectively and probably at a lower cost. This forum is a great place to ask questions, there are also many good books you can read in the meantime.
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