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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-18-2012, 01:37 PM
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i can be friends with exs due to the fact "been there and done that". With someone a person has had a crush on and knowing the feeling is mutual is whole new ballgame.
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Old 03-18-2012, 03:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
i can be friends with exs due to the fact "been there and done that". With someone a person has had a crush on and knowing the feeling is mutual is whole new ballgame.
Yup, and playing with fire.

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 03-18-2012, 05:33 PM
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LOL, I was just curious cbarker because usually the exes get along great until a serious significant other enters the picture. I'm really glad you guys are getting along, I hope your good fortune continues. Just be careful and protect yourself. When I met my husband he assured me that he and the ex got along great and she would never try to keep his kids from him. When she found out about me, she went nuts and it continues 5 years later even though she's remarried!
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Old 03-18-2012, 07:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billm View Post
I'm not talking about the past, I'm talking about the present.

If you and he were enjoying your friendship today, there would be no chemistry going on, with each of you knowing that you did have a crush on each other?
We are and do enjoy a friendship today and no, there's no chemistry. The chemistry 16 year old me needed/felt is far different than today's *ahem* '29' year old me needs or wants. We each have all the chemistry we desire with our partners so there's no need to look for it elsewhere.

I could see there being an issue if it were a more recent relationship, someone you had feelings for and had considered a relationship with, or someone you knew had feelings for you and wanted a relationship with you.

But a high school crush? Nah.

That would be like saying it's impossible or wrong to be friends with an ex spouse because of the chemistry issue. It just ain't there.
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Old 03-18-2012, 11:29 PM
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LOL you guys are funny!!!

Back in the day, he and I were just great friends... I have always been "one of the guys".. had more guy friends than girl friends.... but even knowing this about me when we got together, STBX still had wild jealousy issues.

Back then, my STBX was not specifically jealous of this guy friend, but was jealous of ANY guy friend!! If I so much as said hello to someone in passing, it meant I was having a sordid affair with him!! It was the lack-of-trust issues that drove us apart!! And I never gave STBX a single reason to doubt my faithfulness!! So the fact he couldn't or wouldn't trust me was completely baseless!

When I say "flirted around the issue" what I meant by this, I found out later on that he was interested in me, but we were never single at the same time, hence never dated. Neither of us are/were cheaters.

Running into this friend was a wonderful twist of Fate. But no matter what role he plays in my life he is back in my life and I'm not going to give up on a great friend for the sake of someone else!!


@ Standing - he knows I am true to my word, as does anyone who knows me IRL. As I have said and demonstrated, I have absolutely no need/want/desire to make his life any harder, and I am NOT going to come down on him 5, 10, 20 years later for underpaid CS. As discussed in my post, it is all the other things he does do for and with the girls that I consider part of CS. The easier he is able to move on with his life, the happier he is around the girls, and the less stress we all feel - that is my goal - not the money!!

@Blinking - LOL!! Sounds like that's a great story!! Congrats that your friend is back in your life too!! I am also one of those "crazy" people who believes men & women can be Just Friends!! LOL!! I have also been able to remain friends with my list of ex-boyfriends

@CCB - thanks for that The evil little voice in the back of my head does worry about this "peace" falling apart - but I know him well enough to know it won't be over me dating someone!! My biggest worry is that if I push too hard, he will do pretty much the same thing that caused him to move to Southern ON in the first place.... moving here was his way of crawling out of the bottle he fell into after his first ex kicked him out ((whole other story that I'm not getting in to because it is not relevant to what we're going through today... and yes I know her side of the story too from sitting talking to her... yes I was able to be friends with his ex too!! LOL!!)) but I worry he will abandon everything here and take off to head North again.... my biggest fear is having to tell the girls they won't be able to see Daddy whenever they want to, because he's not here anymore!!

If I do my part to keep the peace, and to remain the mature, civil adult, then I see it as he is less likely to just disappear back into the bush!! I don't give a damn about the POS house, or the CS or any of it - I want my girls to have their father in their lives!! He was a really lousy husband, but he's a great dad to them!!
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Old 05-02-2012, 11:44 AM
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***UPDATE***

On April 30, went down to the Courthouse and filed the 8A - Application. We are filing joint..... now to wait the 6 weeks (-ish) to get confirmation the clearance has been returned, then off to file the next package of paperwork (and the next cheque!) LOL!!

My BF had asked me if stbx was paying for any of this, and I said no. IMO it was me who moved out, me who started the proceedings, and me who is looking forward to the freedom...... I am paying for the paperwork myself.... ((on a sarcastic note - looking forward to the "haters" ripping on me for "being so selfish" but I'm rather proud of myself for standing on my own two feet....lol!!))

In the last few months, things have been going well! Stbx and I have ironed out the last couple of wrinkles dealing with support. We are communicating well.... and I'm just hoping to hell we can continue doing so! LOL!!

And yes, he is fully aware that bf and I are still together.... there's been no drama, other than a couple eye rolls.... it's *finally* clued in for him when he signed the 8A that I am not changing my mind and I am not coming back to him! LOL!
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:06 PM
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Cbarker:

You won't get any hate from me...actually, I'm more than a bit envious. I wish I had been able to figure out a way to sort out my divorce more amicably and a whole lot quicker.

There is nothing wrong with recognizing that a marriage can't work and ending it once you've exhausted all attempts at reconciliation....in fact, the sooner the better, in my opinion. I'm not a big fan of people who stay in marriages while bitching endlessly about a partner that they have no chance of being happy with.

Congratulations at how smoothly things are going for you. Your divorce is a great example of how things can be when people are reasonable, emotionally stable and not motivated by negativity.

Best wishes!
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:37 PM
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LOL!! Thanks PH!!

I had wrote that part tongue-in-cheek having just finished reading through Canary mom's thread... laughing the whole time!! LOL



It's a beautiful day here and I'm just in good spirits
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Old 05-02-2012, 04:19 PM
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Running into this friend was a wonderful twist of Fate. But no matter what role he plays in my life he is back in my life and I'm not going to give up on a great friend for the sake of someone else!!



@Blinking - LOL!! Sounds like that's a great story!! Congrats that your friend is back in your life too!! I am also one of those "crazy" people who believes men & women can be Just Friends!! LOL!! I have also been able to remain friends with my list of ex-boyfriends

K CBarker and Blink,

Good for you! I too have always had male friends, more male than female. My stbx never understood that and never trusted me. He accused me point blank on 3 different occasions of having affairs, which I was NOT, and picked 3 different men as well for each occasion. Not a nice feeling to be so mistrusted, when you haven't done anything. The last time he did I told him if he ever accused me again I was out of there. He never did, but I could tell he didn't trust me. It's unfortunate that he was so insecure that he felt that way.

Now after almost 6 months seperated I am still on my own, so I hope it is clear to him that his mistrust was unfounded. I still maintain my male friendships, I appreciate the different perspective they have on issues. But I have also met a couple of wonderful women who have gone through this process and we support each other and have lots of laughs.
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Old 05-02-2012, 04:31 PM
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Funny story to add to that.... chatting with stbx last week and he was telling me about how some other friends were doing. His buddy ("G") is out of town every week for work, so stbx has still been going over and hanging out or playing cards with G's wife ("M").... well now G is accusing (or suggesting) that my stbx is having an affair with M!!

I roared with laughter over that one. I point blank asked stbx how that felt - to be accused of something so awful by someone you are close to for absolutely nothing going on?! He said he finally "got it"..... yeah - too many years too late!!
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