Ottawa Divorce .com Forums

User CP

New posts


  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Introductions

Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2010, 10:57 PM
dadtotheend's Avatar
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,644
dadtotheend will become famous soon enoughdadtotheend will become famous soon enough

Cochrane was my lawyer. His book is good. You can read excerpts of it here: surviving your divorce
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2010, 11:14 PM
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 27
ConfusedInAB is on a distinguished road

Thanks, all!

  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2010, 11:37 PM
rwm1273's Avatar
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Alberta, but would rather be in Africa.
Posts: 518
rwm1273 is an unknown quantity at this point

Originally Posted by ConfusedInAB View Post
Thanks, rwm and Mess... I'll check out that book. That's an interesting thought about how people's thoughts/goals change as the process goes on.

RWM, any thoughts how I can make sure I'm not alone with her, yet still stay in the same house? I guess that's where the voice recorder comes in, eh? And given a choice, the collaborative law sounds like a good starting point, at least from what I've read.

If you two are still in the same house, then you may be able to keep things from spiraling out of control. If it is possible to keep the lines of communication open, the better it is for everyone, and it helps save the money from paying for a new BMW for the lawyers. But be prepared to protect yourself from any possible allegations of abuse. They may not happen, but if she wants, it is relatively easy for her to take advantage of the system.

If it is possible to discuss things with her without getting into an argument, the better.

You need to do some homework. You need to get an idea of what the assets and liabilities are. Both hers and yours if possible. If you can find a way to use the assets to buy out the other side, or to set yourself or her up in a new place, then that may be a good way to end.

You say she knows something is up, so it may not be that big of a shock to her when you do tell her.

When my first wife and I split, we were not permitted to see the same lawyer. Everything was friendly, and still are today. Reason we were told was that each needed independent legal advice or the judge would not grant the divorce. When you do tell her you want to end it, discuss collaborative law with her.

Also you may want to think about what you want for custody arrangements with the kids. If you can work out some equitable arrangement with her early, then it will also help prevent the issues from getting out of hand, and the kids will be hurt less.

I don't think you need to settle for minimal access. What kind of relationship do you have with your kids now? If you are active in their lives now, there is no reason why that can't continue.

Is there any mobility issues that may come up? If so, you may want to ensure that there is restriction in place to prevent any sudden moves.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2010, 12:55 AM
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 27
ConfusedInAB is on a distinguished road

Thanks rvm... To answer some of your questions/comments...

Yes, I am optimistic (foolishly?) that things can be kept civil and communication open. One of the reasons for suggesting some joint counselling sessions, even though I don't think they'll be useful for "fixing" things. But trying to give both of us a chance to get things out in a healthy way, and prepare for what the kids are going to be going through.

As far as assets and liabilities go, I've got a good idea of where we're at. Not where I'd like, but whatever... I don't think either of us will be able to buy either one out, so selling the house and starting over may be the only option. I don't know how banks/mortgage companies look at cs/ss in terms of calculating available income, but that would be worth investigating, I guess.

We actually split up briefly about 10 years ago (for about a week)... That was one of those "drop the bomb and leave" situations. I wouldn't be surprised if this is feeling familiar; it feels familiar to me, anyway. So it's about time I brought this out in the open anyway.

I would suspect any mobility issues will be my issues, with the possible exception of my wife wanting to move closer to her parents (about an hour away). But my job is such that right now, I can work anywhere that I have an Internet connection, so I'm very flexible.

  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-08-2010, 06:32 PM
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 27
ConfusedInAB is on a distinguished road

Well, that was not fun... But at least things are out in the open, and I'm still in the house...

Closed Thread

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Introduction MsD Introductions 6 02-23-2010 12:41 PM
Introduction Laurie Wilde Introductions 0 10-26-2009 10:37 PM
introduction 8isenough Introductions 4 10-22-2009 09:23 PM
Introduction of Adulterer to Childreren Ottawafather Parenting Issues 7 01-10-2008 11:45 PM
Introduction Brian Introductions 1 10-10-2005 08:39 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:19 PM.