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Old 01-04-2015, 11:55 AM
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Default My introduction

After nearly 30 years together my spouse and I are separating. We have three sons. All are young adults and out of the home. The decision to separate has been hard on both of us and took the better part of a year to agree that it's the best course to take.

So it's been an emotional roller-coaster of late. It has also been a confusing time on how to start the process and what forms to complete and how to fill them in. I haven't seen a lawyer yet and will do so soon.

I look forward to learning and sharing on this site. Thank you.
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Old 01-04-2015, 01:24 PM
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Hi Mike, welcome! Hope you find the information you're looking for.
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Old 01-04-2015, 03:34 PM
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Welcome Mike. 30 years. Incredible. Seems inevitable these days.

Just know there are many in here going through the same.

You're right. It s an emotional rollercoaster.

Take some time and read one of my threads:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...aration-18424/
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Old 01-04-2015, 03:55 PM
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That's a great thread!

I was doing meditation for a few months last year. I got away from it. I found the worries of separation kept intruding. Your thread was a kind reminder to get back to it. Thank you!
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Old 01-04-2015, 04:03 PM
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Welcome Mike - I'm a 30yrer as well. Hope you can maintain some civility with your wife throughout your separation/divorce. My best advice is to keep others out of things. Good friends and family may be well-meaning but this matter is something you and your wife ultimately have to decide.

If you and your wife can come to agreement and then take it to lawyers to put into legalese then you will be leaps and bounds ahead of many people. Too often people listen to 'friends' who give poor advice which only fan the flames so-to-speak. Watch out for lawyers who may look at you and your wife's assets as their future income (which it will indeed become if you don't keep the divorce civil).
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Old 01-04-2015, 04:03 PM
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There are quite a few of us here who are leaving long-term marriages (25 years +) It's a difficult process but you can count your lucky stars - at least you don't have to fight over custody of children. As you will read some of the posts are truly heartbreaking. Fighting over money and objects is one thing - fighting over the children is hell.
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Old 01-04-2015, 04:14 PM
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Arabian and Janibel: Thank you.

At the outset I perhaps naively thought civility would prevail. Now, I'm less certain. We decided to separate a few months ago, but quickly reconciled. This time is different as I've gone on the web to obtain forms to get our pension value estimated and started work on a financial statement.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:39 AM
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Mike my own parents split after 30 something years. It was civil until financials got in the way.

There is an impact on adult children. My sister was 26 at the time of split and barely spoke to either parent for 2 years. I started visiting less frequently as well. More for the reason that on a weekend visit (I live out of town) I'd rather spend one day with a parent and one with friends. One parent gets jealous if they hear that the other visited, but didn't see them.

They finally made peace and started getting along and doing stuff socially about 4-5 years after the split which has positively impacted my visits.

Best of luck with your situation.
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Old 01-05-2015, 04:10 PM
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nfc4ever: Your feedback is appreciated. My wife and I haven't said too much to our adult children. They say they understand. For myself, I still find the experience painful and embarrassing. The two feelings are both inhibiting but unhealthy factors. Your post makes me realize I need to talk with them again.

Regards
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Old 01-05-2015, 06:18 PM
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Please tell me she wasn't a stay-at-home mother and you were the breadwinner?
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