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Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 12-03-2014, 06:56 AM
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Hi I'm new here.

My story. Dated someone for a while. Briefly moved in for a while. Not long enough to be considered common law. We broke up. When I was moving out she informed me she was pregnant and presented me with papers granting her sole custody of her unborn child and absolving me of support. The breakup was quite rough on me emotionally. After moving out, I learned from her friend that she had a thing going on with our landlord and someone from our gym.

So I moved on not looking back, married, started a family. Moved on from my sucky dead-end job into a couple of good jobs. Though on paper I made a decent wage, we do struggle financially as one of my three kids with my wife is disabled and we cannot afford all of the therapy, and have been informed that the wait line for government paid services is 5+ years.

I was served with papers recently. So after not being in this girls life for 15 years she wants full table support, extra curriculars, retroactive support, and me to pay the kids way through university.
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Old 12-03-2014, 09:48 AM
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Welcome -- As a newbie myself, I can tell you that the members in here are awesome.
Are you positive that this child is yours? if not, im sure a DNA test would be my first thing to do....
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Old 12-03-2014, 09:57 AM
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HEY MAN pay for your mistakes....

She isnt going to get retroactive support probably unless she can prove why she didnt ask earlier.

What is her income?
What is yours?

DNA test is a good idea since there is no in loco parentis. See if you can falsify your DNA results anyways.
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Old 12-03-2014, 01:25 PM
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This sounds like a fishing expedition on the part of your ex. If you've had no contact with her or your daughter for 15 years, a judge is quite likely to ask your ex why she never attempted to obtain support until now. Mom would have been entitled to support earlier if she had sought it (the piece of paper "absolving" you of child support doesn't mean anything - Mom can't sign away a kid's right to be supported by both her parents), but if it's gone on this long, I think a judge is unlikely to order you to pay for the last 15 years, as Mom has evidently been able to raise the child without your contribution, and it's now water under the bridge,

My understanding is when retroactive support is ordered, it is usually only retroactive to the date at which support was first sought (whether by serving you papers or contacting you in some other way).

It sounds like you may be on the hook going forward for child support and S7 expenses (assuming this child really is yours). How much this will cost you depends on your income and your ex's. (I assume you know about the federal guideline tables). You may also have a case to claim that meeting your support obligations will cause you undue hardship, if you have three young children and a disabled wife, but my understanding is that the bar for undue hardship is pretty high. There are lots of threads about that on this site.

On the positive side, this opens up the possibility for you to get to know your daughter and have your wife and children meet their "new" half-sister. Could be awkward, but could be very rewarding.
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Old 12-03-2014, 01:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
On the positive side, this opens up the possibility for you to get to know your daughter and have your wife and children meet their "new" half-sister. Could be awkward, but could be very rewarding.
At the risk of cynically stirring the pot, I would wager that this mom is the kind of person who is more than happy to demand money, but will fight like hell to prevent contact. Also wiling to bet that she has spent 15 years telling this kid that daddy left, daddy never paid a cent, daddy abandoned her, daddy's an asshole, etc. etc.
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Old 12-03-2014, 01:55 PM
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Thanks Everyone. I've made a formal, written request already for a DNA test. The answer was "No. She walks, talks, and acts just like you" My legal response has a formal request for one.

Her line 150 income is below the poverty line. She has two degrees, and no longer "works". She has held mid-level marketing jobs when we were together. She pulls in 80k in tax-free cash flow that doesn't hit an income tax return. Mine is higher, but I also spend a lot per month on therapy for my one child.

This is ultimately the issue. Anything I have to pay is going to take-away from my other childs therapy. Consequently, I have to be all Mama Bear to protect his well-being.
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Old 12-03-2014, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
At the risk of cynically stirring the pot, I would wager that this mom is the kind of person who is more than happy to demand money, but will fight like hell to prevent contact. Also wiling to bet that she has spent 15 years telling this kid that daddy left, daddy never paid a cent, daddy abandoned her, daddy's an asshole, etc. etc.
Okay, based on exactly the same information that you have, I could claim that Dad is a self-centred jerk who dumped his girlfriend when she got pregnant with his child right out of school, and has taken no responsibility for that child, shown no interest in her, and gone on about his life like she didn't exist - but is now crying poor because Mom has wised up and is asking him to share the responsibilty for the daughter he abandoned.

I'm probably wrong. So are you.
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Old 12-03-2014, 02:19 PM
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Hi Stripes - sorry its a disabled (autistic) child. My wife is fine and works.

I'm aware that the general guideline for back support is up to 3 years. There's also a test on why she's waited for so long, that will temper a request for back support.

Its bothersome that the guidelines seem to assume that each child exists in a vacuum. There should be a guideline indicated when theres 1 kid over there and three over here then the amount should be X.

Given how poorly the end of the relationship went. I suspect the same thing as Straighttohell.
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Old 12-03-2014, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Okay, based on exactly the same information that you have, I could claim that Dad is a self-centred jerk who dumped his girlfriend when she got pregnant with his child right out of school, and has taken no responsibility for that child, shown no interest in her, and gone on about his life like she didn't exist - but is now crying poor because Mom has wised up and is asking him to share the responsibilty for the daughter he abandoned.

I'm probably wrong. So are you.
Maybe... but if this is true, I don't think she can claim to be all that broken up over the guy:

" The breakup was quite rough on me emotionally. After moving out, I learned from her friend that she had a thing going on with our landlord and someone from our gym."

Sorry, it just looks like she wanted nothing to do with him, and now just wants money. If she wanted the kid to have a relationship with him, she could have initiated that, and her request for support, a long time ago.
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Old 12-03-2014, 03:27 PM
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Well, it goes both ways. Either parent could have initiated a request or offer of support or expressed a desire for the father to be in the child's life over the last 15 years. But neither of them did. So now they have to work out the "new normal" for the next three years (at least - there's also postsecondary to think about).

I can imagine that this is a big shock to the OP - both the impending financial hit and the emotional stuff, how to relate to a daughter he hasn't seen in 15 years plus reawakening memories of a difficult breakup. I hope he's got some psychological support in addition to legal advice.
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