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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2017, 06:18 PM
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That said I dont think its a bad idea to take the kids to your Mom's for a week.
As long as he agrees with it. If he doesn't, she has no right to do this on her own accord.

This is where women get confused in divorce situations...they believe they have some weird ownership status of the kids and can make unilateral decisions.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2017, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by momof2gr8kids View Post
I'm not really sure why your post was so hostile. I am not lying about anything I said in either of my posts. I know it doesn't help me to get advice from people if I'm just making shit up.

I posted because I already feel extremely confused, alone, sad and depressed. I am worried sick about my children.

I really didn't need to read your last post.
You're dealing with a group of parents on here who love their kids as much as you love yours.

They've also been through the family law system. Some of us have been through custody disputes that have lasted years and cost a lot of money.

If you think we're being harsh, wait until you get into the court system.

You and and your case are not different or special. Judges see this stuff every single day...and they handle their cases in a very systematic methodology gleaned from thousands of trials. Its actually a lot easier if you save the emotional part of your divorce/custody situation for vent nights with your friends and recognize that the family law system won't really consider how you feel or what your personal opinion is.

The family law philosophy is simple. Kids come first...kids are better off with both parents in their lives (even if the parents aren't perfect)...parents come second but both have equal parental rights under the law.

Read that last paragraph 10 more times.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2017, 01:29 AM
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My boss split from her hubby, they have 2 kids, and something she said struck me: when you can figure out how to act to get your kids the best parenting, and separate that from what you personally want for your own needs, even in the midst of the inevitable hatred & fears & guilt & confusion & exhaustion - that's when you have figured out how to co-parent after divorce.
They have also remained members of the same congregation, so are held accountable to some degree by their 'circle'.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2017, 04:12 PM
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I've deleted the last few posts as this was going off topic. Please stick to the topic at hand. Opinions about the law or men / women in general or relationships belong in the politics forum.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2017, 11:58 PM
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They are in daycare because I do not trust him with them
I would not put the children in daycare because of your hurt feelings for the dad, especially when the father is available to look after them..

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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2017, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by trinton View Post
I would not put the children in daycare because of your hurt feelings for the dad, especially when the father is available to look after them..
Here is the thing you need to consider Trinton that many OCL, Section 30 and judges consider in situations where there is conflict...

Daycare is seen by many of these professionals as a way to remove children from conflict. They are seen as a neutral 3rd party where the kids are not influenced (generally) by either parent. They are free to be kids at daycare / afterschool programs. So, when there is conflict judges often like to order the use of daycare to further protect kids. In the same vein, OCL and Section 30 likes to recommend daycare.

Now, you can disagree up-and-down all you like with what I have written above. Your challenge is convincing (providing evidence) that your option is better than daycare.

Your situation is unique as you are dealing with a biased childcare provider. Which is easy evidence to present on any motion and get a change but, it won't likely be to your care and control during those times. The better approach would be to a neutral 3rd party and not some crazy home daycare provider who is going to sway with either parent.

You would have a hard time getting professionals at say Mini Skool, The Salvation Army, Montessori, school attached daycare, or reputable daycare provider of reasonable size, to engage in parental nonsense. These kinds of organizations have well-structured governance and other policies and procedures for dealing with parents who live separate and apart. They are not rinky-dink operations run by an angry person who hates you. They are large organizations that manage risk and are FAR MORE ACCOUNTABLE than what you are experiencing.

Your best path, in my humble opinion, to resolve your daycare issue is to motion for a change in daycare provider, supply the evidence to the collusion between mom and the provider, the negative environment there and recommend three reputable alternatives for the judge to choose from. A daycare that is school-attached is always the first choice for judges... especially if this is the school the child is going to attend. (In some areas this is done through PLASP or similar programs.)

The parent-provides-care model you are trying to possibly argue is not going to net you any success. One conflicted parent means that the only option, in my humble opinion, is for a reputable daycare provider to provide care when parents are not available.

You won't gain much ground on the parent is best... Your situation, no matter who is the cause of it, is not what is possibly best in the eyes of a judge, OCL or Section 30 evaluator. They will see daycare as the best option for the child's interests I suspect.

Good Luck!
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2017, 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
only option, in my humble opinion, is for a reputable daycare provider to provide care when parents are not available.
She is not available. But I am. and am willing, and eager. I do not support daycare, and really have nothing good to say about it or to talk about it with the child. Daycare doesn't get discussed at my house.

I would agree to using child's before school program a couple times a week. Though child get's lots of socializing at school. No need for daycare to socialize.

You may argue daycare shields the child, but it doesn't. Just helps mom sanction my time, alienate child and bring child closer to mom. That's all. If child's access with me is extended passed the limits childcare subsidy allows, then daycare will be lost, so mom uses that to sanction my access.

Where is case law where standard of perfection is not required. Intact families have conflict and don't live in a perfect world. Why should perfect world be applicable to separated parents ?

Last edited by trinton; 10-31-2017 at 08:21 PM.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2017, 08:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
You would have a hard time getting professionals at say Mini Skool, The Salvation Army, Montessori, school attached daycare, or reputable daycare provider of reasonable size, to engage in parental nonsense. These kinds of organizations have well-structured governance and other policies and procedures for dealing with parents who live separate and apart. They are not rinky-dink operations run by an angry person who hates you. They are large organizations that manage risk and are FAR MORE ACCOUNTABLE than what you are experiencing.
Lmao. Don't kill me. "well-structured governance" Yeah let's follow our mandates and pickup the phone and call the CAS on dad and rig up the child to say her dad was beating her with a belt, and deny the fact that the child fell down the stairs at daycare. And to not let him find out I wasn't even home and my son was looking after their kid. Meanwhile, let's accuse him of not feeding the kids properly and give him a stink eye everytime he comes by. Rinky Dink is perfect term for the daycare that was unilaterally chosen for our child by mom. An angry person who hates me is bang on. Manage risk? Lmao. please stop with your humour. They're usually a bunch of high school/college drop outs without any degrees, who could not get real jobs. Every seen those ads on kijiji for doggy daycare ? Daycares for lazy neglectful parents. Everyone I know , one parent adjusts their work schedule to look after the kids when the other is working. Everyone normal I know anyways. Don't come across people too often who spend their monthly income on daycare. If they're rich and both have serious jobs and really can't look after the kids and don't have family or friends who can, then maybe so. Maybe 1 or 2 days a week. Not every damn day.

Funny thing my lawyer had a case against that grumpy fat old daycare lady. Oh he has some really good stuff to say about that daycare. To me anyways. He can't really use his personal dealings with other people in his clients cases though, at least he knows what type of person I am dealing with.

Last edited by trinton; 10-31-2017 at 08:40 PM.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2017, 09:03 PM
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What a terrible put-down of people who work in day cares. Actually they do indeed have "real" jobs... they look after our most valuable resource - our children.

"They're usually a bunch of high school/college drop outs without any degrees, who could not get real jobs..." ????

"grumpy fat old daycare lady" ????
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2017, 09:19 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
What a terrible put-down of people who work in day cares.
I guess you missed the part where I said I was in agreement of before school care at the school. They also have part time daycares at my gym. Big difference in those then grumpy old biased ladies running daycare in their homes. We have quality daycare and we have crap daycare.

Quote:
Research shows that while high quality child care positively influences children's development and learning,
poor quality care is shown to have negative effects on children - regardless of social class
SRC: http://childcarecanada.org/sites/default/files/fs2.pdf

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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Actually they do indeed have "real" jobs... they look after our most valuable resource - our children.
Quote:
resource - money, or any property that can be converted into money; assets.
Oh that's what your children are for to you and your fellow daycare providers now, a source of money.

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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
"They're usually a bunch of high school/college drop outs without any degrees, who could not get real jobs..." ????
Yes, the ones who have real careers (who I see at my job) are only doing it part time and are in university full time. And guess what, they're not studying any degree in child home daycareopy or child-supporteropy.

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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
"grumpy fat old daycare lady" ????
Imagine having to see this everytime you went to see your kids


No thanks.


Last edited by trinton; 10-31-2017 at 09:27 PM.
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