My god I need help

[tugofwar]

I think you need to listen Tim, Mess is just trying to help you and his information comes from experience. No one knows your "unique" situation, we have all been there and done that and everyone has their own situation and issues that differ from person to person but we all came here to seek help in hopes to make this process easier and stay focused on the most important thing, our children!
I don't think you should DO ANYTHING right now as you are just going to get confused MORE and in the state you are in now things are just going to get more complicated.
Focus on one thing at a time. Say, your children. Do research, learn about custody, access etc. Then move on to something else.
Everyone here is going to help as much as they can and speak thru experiences so take it and use the helpful information.
You are just starting out in the whole process, step back for a moment. Start from the beginning.

[tugofwar]

Almost all of us here are in the same boat as having to deal with a difficult ex who is not staying focused on their children. You will have to learn how to deal with the ex in a positive way ( even though your ex probably won't)
Trying to hurt you through the children, so wrong but so many parents are doing this.
You need to learn that this is a highly stressful time for everyone. Make sure the children are not in the middle of this. YOU have to do what you have to to make sure your children are not affected by this.
My situation, my ex doesn't show interest or involvement in his child's life. Now, how sad is that? As I should be pissed at him, Im not, Im sad for my child. But does that mean in the future things won't change, NO I hope they will and they will have a relationship. Instead of focusing on that, I focus on my child. Make sure she is loved, well taken care of etc. I FOCUS ALL MY ENERGY ON HER.

[Tim Cash]

Hello Tug..Look im not trying to offened anyone, I asked a question about 50/50 and this Is important , I just dont know why her leaving 2 yrs ago has anything to do with me wanting to protect my rights as a father ...the only time there is a problem with me seeing the kids is when I try to leave the twisted relationship. I do apreciate any help offered but am never going to sit and let some guy insult my intelligence when all Im doing is trying to do whats best for my kids , he did offer good advise and I thank him for it , but it seems like every time i try and explain My situation I get the old " hey your not the only one with problems" ....I never said I was... If I wanted to be talked down to , I would call the ex ..she is really good at it.

[tugofwar]

Mess is speaking regarding legal matters and unfortunately this is how our divorce, family law system is set up and is speaking to you in that context. There are people here who stay technical.
As I learned quickly this is not a support group.

[Tim Cash]

I am also not ignorant to the possibility that on a site like this, we in fact might be dealing with the "DIFFICULT EX" and that not everyone on here is looking out for the best interest of kids that are involved. So that being said...Tug you have showed to me anyway you are a caring person who does not judge people by the situations they are in or the reason they are in that possition. Yes I need help in figuring out whats best for my kids, no I dont need help in figuring out that I was an idiot for continuing to be in a relationship that was un healthy, for me and my kids and the ex for that matter.

[tugofwar]

We have all made mistakes. Please take my advice, step back. Stop. Think. Listen. Read.
No one is judging you that you are not a good parent... that is all your ex's mental abuse that's making you think that way
In time, you will re-read your posts and think wow, who is this, man I was really a mess at this time, we have all done that. I look at my first posts and think "WOW" good thing I got my butt kicked on this forum
Everyone here is just wanting to help you but you are not getting the whole picture

[Tim Cash]

I hope you can answer my question then , is 50/50 cut and dry ...mon, tues, weds and 1/2 day thurs at her place then 1/2 thurs , then fri and sat and sun at my place ...and thats it?.....if thats it then ...its wrong,.

[Tim Cash]

thats all I was asking.

[dadtotheend]

Sadly, you have allowed a status quo to develop that puts the kids with her most of the time. That is going to be very difficult to overcome. You have almost certainly given your ex primary residence, and it sounds like she has de facto custody, meaning that she could have a strong argument for sole legal custody.

In one and a half days, this thread has grown to 80 posts. You need to stop posting every hour or two and spend some (no, make that LOTS of) time doing a search in this forum and elsewhere (google) about the strength of the status quo when it comes to custody and access.

Sorry to put it bluntly to you, but you have an obligation to yourself and your kids to educate yourself instead of just constantly asking questions of every one here. Do some research on your own.

Read, read, read and then read some more. And when you're done reading, read some more. Do some research instead of continuing to state your case and ask questions. Then when you're done reading in a few days and you have educated yourself, come back and ask some questions with an informed mind.

Jeeezz this is f'n over the top!!

[billiechic]

Originally Posted by tugofwar

As I learned quickly this is not a support group.

NO it's a dating site and apparently I missed out!