My god I need help

[Tim Cash]

do I get a senior discount with a lawyer?

[tugofwar]

Yah, don't we all wish.... LOL

Welcome and hope you are able to find lots of helpful information here that you need to help with everything you are going thru!

[dinkyface]

The more you can learn about how this process/system all works, the more you know about your rights, and those of your children, the more confident you will become. You can start your reading here: The Supporting Families Experiencing Separation and Divorce Initiative

And some articles on this site here: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/divorce-faqs.htm

A lot of people here have read/recommend the book 'Tug of War', by Justice Brownstone (a family court judge).

If you are in Toronto, there is a men's support group that meets Weds evenings. Can get you more info if you like.

[Mess]

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

Hey what about me????? lmao

Well she could show off two good looking guys, one on each arm.

[tugofwar]

Just a word of caution, dont do anything right now. Stay low until you get your strength back and get more information off here. Last thing you need to do is get her going anymore and make the situation worse which looks like in your case both are about to blow.
Cut communications with her, tell her you will get back to her in a few days... If anything, just communicate via emails (as you can use this as proof later on if you need to) about the children ONLY! If you have to talk to her keep it just about the children tell her you need time and space for everything else. Trust me, she will be in total shock if you do this and she won't know how to react. Tell her you both need a cooling down phase.

Read, post, search, ask, seek answers. Work on getting YOURSELF stronger. Ignore her and her remarks etc.

[tugofwar]

Originally Posted by Tim Cash

no there is no courts involved as of yet , Now I have a question...the FACS case I mentioned ...while I was crying about how crappy my life has been ....Does it have any bearing ?

Im not sure about this if you dismissed it. Did you try calling them and ask them about it? Otherwise, the only other thing I think in your case would be to find a lawyer to just go over things pertaining to your rights. Just state to them that you are just wanting to know your rights right now.

Obtaining a lawyer and doing this whole process is very draining. So, for the time being I wouldn't start anything but the more you know about your rights and they can offer you advice the more you protect yourself and your children. Make sure they are a good one and set down the rules and don't let them convince you of anything you are unsure of.

[tugofwar]

Might cost a few hundred dollars but down the road could save you more. Set up just a consultation, don't sign or feel obligated to use them or have them pressure you into something you are unsure of.

[Mess]

Tim, the FACS situation means little or nothing unless you want to engage in a long, expensive, ugly and stressful fight over custody.

If you want full custody and she is fighting you, then it absolutely means something.

If you want shared custody, then trying to show she is a difficient or dangerous parent means exactly what? That you are agreeing for your child to spend half their days with a difficient and dangerous parent?

However meanwhile, she may end up trying to keep custody from you and you should document these type of things, even if it is just making your own notes or journal so you don't forget details or forget to mention things to your lawyer.

You don't know what appoach you are going to take, you don't know what goal you are seeking, it is impossible to say if it will make a difference right now.

What situation do you want in place for the next 15-20 years and why? This is the question you have to address. What is the best interests of the children? This is the question the courts have to address.

I will also say, in the future, do not under any circumstances lie to the police or the children's services, or cover up for her. Be open and honest.

[Tim Cash]

Well now this is all good stuff thanks , I took your advise and went with " beat her with kindness" I will share with you the msg I sent.

I cant believe im doing this again but what the hell, I have spoken to Rodi and I have decided to leave , so Im giving you notice and I hope your ok with it, and I mean that. I have realized how childish we have been and the kids deserve better they are great kids and I love them and I know you do so ...thats all that matters so if you getting this house makes it all better then by all means please take it , I dont want anything other then whatr i need to furnish my apt. But in return I want shared custody if you want to break it down by the hr we can do that as well, also if it makes it easier then I will move closer to you (but not that close) so the kids wont have to be moved around ie. day care and schools .

All I want is to be a good father , you know I am , and the kids know it too. So lets stop the fighting it is serving nobody any service , You know I will always care about you , heck even now I want to say love you but lol your likely just going to insult me as soon as your done reading this. I know your a good person stuck in a funk when it comes to me . I do not want to be at war with the mother of my children , I don't want to have to explain that to them...I took some time to read ...well a yrs worth of text and we sound like complete morons and would be embarrassed to have anyone read the words we say to each other. I also found you were right when it came to money issues the 2nd would have been a big mistake but more so because we will never be together . and you were wrong about me not going to be able to handle this house ...no its not easy but im doing it , with a MAN not the mother of my kids and that was never supposed to be how this was to go down.

I am sorry it didn't work out I really am, I have waited 3 yrs for some indication we had any hope at all...I think its safe to say there is not. I do however want to remain friends. I also would like you to remember I don't HAVE to be a father to maddie , I WANT TO . I LOVE HER. and if that's a looser deadbeat lazy cocksucker good for nothing debt collector who does nothing at all but smoke and drink and play video games then so be it. But remember you slept with that's same deadbeat and laughed with me and cried ...but mostly yelled at . Now that being said we have to talk about your new responsibility and I already know what you will say but you have to be fair ...I'm giving up all i have put in , so you need to talk to whoever you need to and pay the morg for 3-4 months as i see it ...works out well for you ..you give your notice where you live now and just gear up for the move.

Please let me know if any of this makes any seance to you...and remember I don't want to take Callum from you I just want the same rights as you ...as any parent would. I really really really hope and prey this is good enough as I don't know what more I can do. So please .....PLEASE don't come at me with another nasty insult filled e-mail, I know I feed your anger and you feed mine , so im trying to stop the madness ok , WE LOVE OUR KIDS there is nothing wrong with that. I would never put them in danger you know that , so please stop painting me as a monster.

Sincerely

TIM

[Tim Cash]

and just like that...there was peace. Thanks again everyone for calming me down , She called shortly after reading that e-mail and we actually got along , of course it was 4 am and I did not sleep till 6 am but the peace far outweighs the lack of sleep. It's now 2 people working towards a common goal .."loving our kids", yes it costs me the house but ...what do I need a 3600 sq foot home for?

Thanks again guys/girls