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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2010, 07:45 PM
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DO I have ANY rights?
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:45 PM
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Yep, just as you have no idea what everyone here has been through.
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:47 PM
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I did not mean to offend anyone, and am very sorry if I have.
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:02 PM
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Tim, many of us have been through as bad or worse. I have, many posters have, my nephew has been through much worse in his divorce. I'm not saying this to sound mean, I'm saying it because we do understand and when dadtotheend gives you advice I would say to listen.

The courts can't stop people from being what they are. You get a traffic ticket, that won't stop you from speeding next time or parking in the wrong place. The courts can't enforce good sense or ethics or sanity.

You can make your case, but if you can't bring yourself to stand up and tell the truth in court about her, you have nothing to complain about with the courts. You have to focus on what your kids need, and produce the facts to get the courts to support that.

If you can't afford your house, sell it. You wouldn't be the first and you won't be the last. You aren't helping yourself by having multiple things stressing you out. Simplify your life, cut down on your problems.

Trying to take full custody away from the other parent is huge and it is ugly. Going for shared custody is reasonable. You can present yourself as an excellent parent with the ways and means to care for your children. If she is that bad a mother, if they are at risk, it is your duty to them to point it out. If she is a decent mother, then go for shared parenting. We can't make that decision for you.

In the state you seem to be in, you will go through hell trying to start any kind of legal proceeding now. Focus on your kids. Make sure you have them at least half the time. Don't let her keep them from you. You have every right to seek joint custody and shared access, 50/50. If she is a threat to them, or neglectful, show it and go for full, but make your decision and make sure you can back it up.

Focus on straightening out your life so you can provide a stable home for your children. Forget about your ex for now. Separate from her, separate your mind from her, your emotions, your finances, your time. Focus on your kids.
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:13 PM
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Thank you, I am here because I dont know what to do, I would sell the house but its not ready for sale, I do however think its time to just dump it and focus on the kids , it will be one less thing she can use and there is no point in keeping it. But I am so worried about her temper and what she will say up there , regardless of weather I am a good father or not. But I guess whatever happens happens and from what I can tell it wont end well for me.
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:35 PM
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Tim, call your family doctor, make an appointment for asap, go in, say everything you told us with more emphasis on how you feel and a little less on the legal details.

You are going through a crisis, you need help. You won't get the help you need on the internet. We can give you some advice but this is beyond that.

And again I speak from experience, I didn't get on an upward spiral until I'd met with my doctor and I could never have dealt with the legal crap if I hadn't sorted myself out.

There's no shame in it, it is very real, and you can't do this alone.
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:46 PM
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I agree with Mess. Go talk to your doctor asap. I finally broke down and asked her to refer me to a psychologist and was the best decision I have ever made!!!!!! Seriously. You are in the worst stage right now and things will go up and down. I won't lie but you will in time get stronger and just keep saying
"THIS IS FOR MY CHILDREN!!!" Suicide is just the most SELFISH thing you could do. THINK ABOUT your children, they need you in their lives, to fight for them, really if you go, is it ok for them to just have a half ass mother as you described her.
Don't worry about her, her feelings, how she will react. ITS NOT ABOUT HER ANYMORE and the only way to get help is if you ask for it!
There is light at the end of the tunnel, money is money but you want and need to be mentally fit inorder to do what's best for the children.
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:54 PM
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I feel weak , and its been 3 long long yrs of this and me protecting her feelings , but I get what your saying , I am a 38 yr old man who feels dead inside , and lost . I just want to be a good father.
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:31 PM
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Then just do it then, be a good father! Im sure your great at it so continue doing what you have to.
My child doesn't have a father that's involved in her life, see's her here and there. What can I do about it?
I have to make sure that my child gets everything she needs from me and not depend on him. I want them to have a relationship but I also need to protect us in case that's not what he wants. Do I think he loves his daughter? Yes somewhere deep down but just isn't able to show it right now.
There are people on here with really bad situations, domestic abuse, drugs, alcohol etc.
So, get your head out your ass and start living for your children.
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:37 PM
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AND STOP THINKING ABOUT HER!!!!! IT"S NOT ABOUT HER ANYMORE!! Grow a backbone, stand up to her regarding the children. FIGHT for what you believe in and in the whole process do and keep thinking about your actions. Don't add fuel to her fire.
Think about all the fun stuff you want to do with the children. Look spring is coming around the corner and the weather is getting nicer.
If your scared of being alone, don't worry I think we all think that way but you need to get strong and you need time to heal. Go out with friends, do things that you enjoy. Go for a walk, exercise, listen to loud music, whatever just to give yourself a break.
Im only 34, have a wonderful daughter and a bright future with her, I couldn't have asked for anything more. No man or relationship is worth the price of my little girl!
I would rather walk down the street holding her little hand and a big smile on my face then to walk and hold hands with a man who doesn't love me anymore...
sorry for the tears...
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