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  #131 (permalink)  
Old 07-02-2010, 10:15 AM
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Default Trust those that speak here.... they do understand, and empathize

We've all been there in some manner, in some form, and to some extent. That's what divorce does to you, and how you cope which you are having difficulty with. There's a lot running through your mind that you are trying to make sence of, and your conflicted with your emotions. It's your gut feeling, your instincts, your conscience, your spiritual (whatever that is to you) that is telling you something, but you can't reaon in out in your state of mind. Go see a counsellor or use your Employee Aassistance Program. They will emphasize with you, and help you understand why your feeling what your feeling.
  #132 (permalink)  
Old 07-02-2010, 09:48 PM
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Tim: It sounds like you have made your share of bad choices, but it all ties in to being involved with someone who has an addiction. ( I've made them too - questioning yourself, second guessing, not wanting to make waves...) You can't count on her changing - you have to change - to save yourself and hopefully be there for ALL your kids. Start by not getting sucked in - you may have to take a step back, reassure your kids you will be there, and honestly,

I suggest going to AL-ANON mtgs in your area. They are everywhere. Call.
  #133 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2011, 05:46 AM
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Hi Tim,
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I am sure your son will grow up no matter what. He will be around and will need you to watch and grow around you. Yes the drinking from your partner can drive you crazy and make you think some weird things trying to cope with there minds that are not even logical. You can not change their thinking. They are sick and really need help. You need to call for help. Has suggested, crisis center. They are the experts and seen this many times. Time will move on very fast all will change. They will give you a lot of options. Your Son will thank you in the end as he grows. Do you have someone in your family that can help or maybe very good friend, relative?.
  #134 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2011, 04:04 PM
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Default Some Advice

Speaking from experience, and mine is very similar to your, here are some suggestions of what you need to do.

1. Call the Ministry of Children and families, get them involved. They will do a through investigation and place the children where they think they will be safe. But they will not take sides, so be prepared to state your case and show proof. ALWAYS be calm and rationale when speaking with them - or anyone else, talk of suicide is not good for the children or you.

2. Call the police EVERY time she does anything that endangers you, the children, or HERSELF. They will investigate every complaint. After a dozen or more serious complaints the police will either tell you to stop bothering them or arrest the ex and lay charges. This could get you a peace bond that prohibits her from contacting you.

3. Sell the house, if you can.

4. Fill for divorce, get a separation agreement dividing assets and setting up a temporary custody arrangement..(be sure to ask the house be vested in your name so you can sell it).

5. Get a counselor so you have someone to talk with about the emotional problems....you must be proactive in this.

6. Get witnesses together that can verify your accusations of drunkenness etc. This is important to establish truth with MCFD, the police and the courts.

7. Get legal aid and a lawyer. You are a man, so it is unlikely legal aid will provide you with a lawyer - if a guy makes enough money to live under a cardboard box he has too much money to qualify.

8. Intellectually and emotionally accept that the system is set up to support and defend women/mothers NOT men/dads. I have one woman I had to deal with that point blank said "I don't care what your wife did, children should NEVER be taken away from their mother". This lady did not care about death threats and other abuse. Thankfully she is in a minority.

9. See if you can get your ex's family to support you custody..if members of her family care for the children and are concerned for their safety, this can carry weight with the court and MCFD.

10. Realize that there are a lot of people here that have/are going through the same or worse as you. It won't help your situation, but 5 or 10 years from now you can join the growing ranks of us pushing for changes to this very unfair/biased system that hurts families.
  #135 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2011, 06:35 PM
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This thread is a year old, pretty sure he's gotten over his hysteria and managing his crisis by now.
  #136 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:13 AM
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Hi as far as i remember as of march 2010 when a home is broken.The courts look at what is best for the child(s).So most of the time it turns into a weekon\week off case & if your income is less then 20.000 to 25.000 then chances or if you leave and your with the kids apply with your local legal aid to help with the court costs. i hope this will help you.I also am a father of 3 and yes i learnd the hard way. hope you do not.

good luck!
jerermy.

Last edited by jeremy74; 03-10-2011 at 08:15 AM. Reason: oh just the spelling ok now!
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