Men seeking spousal/child support

[Iloveherstill]

Hi, I'm Mr.W, I reside in Alberta. Just droping in and introducing myself. I've been lurking this site for about a week now, and decided I should sign up since I've found so many threads here so useful.
I'm here obviously because I'm currently separated (as per my wife) as of mid June. I have not seeked legal counsel yet because my wife still lives in our home.
We are separated due to differences. She says I was emotionally abusive. I think she is selfish and emotionally abusive towards myself. She is emotionally/physically abusive towards our childern. What I'm trying to find out is what Im entitled to. Because I am a man, I'm sure I stand as a minority in the courts eye, or do I? The reason I haven't seek counsel, is because she has not left the house yet, however she is sleeping in a different room. She has already seen a lawyer, so why hasn't she left the home yet?
If we do divorce in a year:
Can I seek sole custody of the childern?
Spousal support? Pension? Benefits?
Your input would be greatly appreciated, I am lost, and not sure how to progress.

Thanks,
Mr. W

Edit: I am a stay at home father ,and have been for 20 months, while my wife works.

[oldernwiser]

First advice - see a lawyer, now.

If she has seen a lawyer, her lawyer has probably informed her that if she left the house she would be giving up on claims for the children and the house. Make sure you don't leave without solid legal advice.

You can seek anything you want, question is what are your chances of getting them.

Sole custody - probably unlikely unless there is some exceptional circumstance
Spousal support - sounds like you might have a decent case, but depends on a lot of factors
Pension - CPP will automatically be split, company pension is considered a marital asset and divided when you assets are settled
Benefits - unlikely you could stay on her benefit plan - could depend on the employer policy. However medical expenses for children are normally section 7 costs and depending on the CS arrangement she maight pay a major chunk.

My closing advice - see a lawyer, now!

[2boys]

If you've been married less than 5 years, are healthy and able you will not get spousal support. Spousal support is usually for spouses who can't work, not for those who can and don't want to. Even if you are granted sole custody you will have to work. You can't just expect her to pay all kinds of support because you want to be a stay at home father. Unfortunately you will have rent to pay and she will have rent to pay. The amount you'll get as child support won't pay the bills. And if she wants and wins joint custody you won't get much at all, if anything. It's a luxury to be a stay at home parent, male or female, so you're best bet to take care of your children is to get a job.

[supermean]

Was the child abuse ever reported to or investigated by CAS? Do you have any evidence that she was or is abusing the children? You need to see a lawyer ASAP and file for sole custody and exclusive possession of the matrimonial home. I think you will get the sole custody on, at least, interim basis since you have been the primary caregiver for quite some time.

CS is given to parent with primary care and it is based on gross annual income of the payer. If you get the custody, CS is almost automatic. You don't even need a lawyer if your only claim in CS.

SS is more complex and the amount depends on your need and the ability of the payer. Again, if you have custody of children and have been stay at home parent for some time, most likely you will get SS. The duration will depend on many factors including your ability to become self sufficient.

Word of advice. Do not leave the house without a court order and do not allow her to leave with the kids. If she does somehow remove the children from the home, bring an emergency motion to have the children returned to your care since you are the primary caregiver and children need stability. Also, avoid any situation that may give her a chance to accuse you of assaulting her - verbally or physically. Stay civil to her and calm and avoid confrontations especially when kids are around.

Remember, courts are not friendly to anyone - men or women. Use court only as a final resort if you can't work out an agreement mutually. Be reasonable and stay focused on your children. Hopefully the transition will not be too painful or destructive for them.

[2boys]

I'm only saying this because I went through a similar process and got emergency interim custody and then sole custody. Unless the assault was against the children, emergency interim custody is not usually granted, especially if the other parent has never been reported. And let me tell you. If it's not reported the minute it occurs then they wonder why...She claims you were abusive and you claim she was so it's your word against hers.

I don't know how long you were married but if it has been less than 5 years forget about spousal. You won't get it. You have to really prove that you cannot work. As for child support, you can see the amount you'd get from her based on her income online. Unless her salary is pretty high, it's not enough to live on without working. 20 months of being a stay at home parent doesn't warrant someone taking care of you indefinitely. She'll have a life too once she goes and it'll cost her, especially if she gets joint custody.

[Iloveherstill]

First off, I'd like to thank everyone who has given input in the matter.

I should also clarify my statment, "physical abuse to the childern". My wife and I had decided long ago that we would not spank our childern. She has on occasion done so. This was the form of physical abuse I was reffering to. My wife is a teacher, and when she comes home from work, she has nothing to do with them until 8:30 bedtime where she reads them a book and tucks them in. Her time is spent watching tv/reading/facebooking/walking. When the childern demand her time, she yells at them and orders them into a adjacent room to watch cartoons.

My wife and I have been married for 9 years. In those 9 years I was fortunate enough to open a business, paid off our home and 3 cars, put rrsps in both our accounts. In the past 20 months I have had the luxury to spend a lot of quality time with my 2 daughters.

Sure "2boys", I can open another business and support my childern, that's not a concern at this point. The point being, I believe it's in the childerns best intrest to have a stable parent through this tumultuous time.

Thats as specific as I can be. Hopefully you have some other thoughts regarding my situation. I have initiated contact with a lawyer as per olderandwiser's post. Even without inflection, I sense the urgency in the tone of his/her post.

Mr. W

[ikikass70]

2boys is 100% wrong. And I find it scary that someone is posting such hard-line definitive answers on this topic when they have no clue what they are talking about.

Regardless of length of marriage, if there are children of the marriage, then spousal support is pretty much a given. Regardless of the sex of the primary caregiver, if one parent is staying home to raise the children and have put their career on hold to do so...then spousal support will be awarded. Those are the facts.

You seem to have experience, past earning potential and the ability to eventually become self-supporting therefore you may be awarded the low end of the range; you may have your income imputed; and you may have the duration limited. However, your claim for spousal support is valid.

2boys...you offer dangerous and inexplicable advice. I don't know where you came across your information, but it is unequivocally wrong.

[2boys]

IKI, did I say anywhere that he cannot try to claim? I stick by my facts because I just went through it all. I am a stay at home parent. I was told that spousal support is not always granted. Child support is a certainty, but the amounts are not. Right now, I am getting a court ordered amount of $100 temporary child support for 2 children. This was ordered by a judge in Ontario Canada. And even though it's only temporary it's been my only source of support from my ex in months until he files his financial. And he isn't doing that so it will take even more time. $100 a month for 2 kids is certainly not enough to live on. Also, I was awarded sole custody of my children and my case started a few months ago. Not one word about spousal support was even addressed yet. It is requested on my application, sure, but I was told by my lawyer that the judge can decide to order a very small amount a month based on my age, the fact that I was married for less than 5 years and my ability to work. I am trying to warn this man that not everyone gets enough to live on to stay at home and that is a fact. My information comes from first hand exerience, right in court. So what's dangerous is what you are saying, because it may lead to someone having false hope and no money to pay the mortgage. I am relating my own experience which is factual so who are you to say it is dangerous and false?

[PhoenixRising]

Spousal Support in Common Law Separation Canada


Referenced from the above listed link regarding spousal support for married as well as common law relationships.

Spousal Support on Common Law Separation Canada

If you are married, you have an automatic right (or obligation) to receive (or pay) spousal support. In Ontario, if you are living in a common law relationship, you do not obtain this right until you have lived together for three years, or are living in a relationship of some permanence and you are the natural or adoptive parents of a child.


In this instance I would say he would be within his right to ask for child support.