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Old 02-17-2007, 09:46 AM
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Default A long hello

I been lurking for the past few months and thought it time to say hello, introduce myself and, should I get the time, contribute to this community.

I recognize a few individuals that post here. I also find this one of the best forums thanks to those that do contribute to posts from those seeking direction and some understanding of our devastated family law system.

I am a sole custodial parent of my two sons. Not before going through the rungs of custody litigation that saw the involvement of the CAS, an OCL report, family assessment, 29 days of trial culminating in an order for sole custody of my children to the mother, $26,000 in spousal and child support arrears and, $45,000 in court cost ordered against me. My case had nothing to do with the best interest of the children; it was about setting a precedent for court cost. My case is still used in law arguments. By this information, some of you will recognize who I am.

Fast forward 18 months from that fateful final order, my children were apprehended from the mother by the CAS and, placed in foster care. I had no parental rights to my children. The funniest part was, they were apprehended on the Friday of my access weekend and the CAS put them in foster care all the same. I worked all that weekend on my applications, affidavits, motions, etc. I filed for custody Monday morning; I filed for a material change and, beat everyone to the punch. This forced the court to join one of the files with the CAS protection proceedings. It was almost a week before I was able to take my children home (CAS deemed my place a place of safety) which in court time is amazing. I would love to tell you the shape my children were in but my writing would slow to a crawl while I wipe back the tears. In the end, everything I was telling the court back in time about the monster the mother had become to me and these innocent children was true. Of course, the court would never admit to this. It took another year to resolve the custody issue’s and this included having half of my pay continuing to go to the mom regardless of my pleadings with the court that my earnings should be supporting the children currently in my care. I believe the reason you can not get transcripts for case conferences anymore in Ottawa is because of the way a particular Ottawa judge treated me. It was one of the last case conference transcripts you could get out of the Ottawa court house after I attached it to my very next affidavit. I also believe it was the reason I was successful in gaining custody of my sons and again, it nothing to do with the best interests of my children (although it was for a change) rather, a saving face for the court.

During this aforementioned 18 months I married and had a daughter with my new wife.

Fast forward to today and I am back in the throngs of family court hell. Turns out, my wife never wanted me rather, a child and after the child was born I became nothing more then a pay cheque. My wife would do whatever she could to impede me having a normal father daughter relationship regardless of my efforts with marriage counseling, communication workshops, etc. While my wife had no interest in having a relationship with me, I told her that I could no longer live under these conditions and that I would be seeking a separation from her in order that I might at least have a relationship with my daughter. I implied that any negotiations should begin with joint custody of our daughter. As long as the parents can act in a healthy parental role, I am very much a proponent of children having an equal relationship with each of their parents.

This would not do for my wife and she decided that the best way to remove any relationship I have with my daughter is to falsely accuse me of sexually molesting my daughter. Back in March when this began I was removed from the home, there was involvement by our marriage counselor, a psychiatrist from the CHEO, the police and, CAS. The investigation (with polygraph) concluded that my wife’s false accusations were just that. My wife learned by her mistakes and tried again in July, only this time, she removed my daughter from the house as well as half the contents. She did this while my sons were at my sisters and me at work. I was left with no alternative but to file with the court in order to gain some access to my daughter. The worst place to go if you’re a father. I was only made aware via her affidavit in response to my emergency motion some weeks later that she had made new false allegations against me. The court took her lies as gold, told me this wasn’t an emergency, then the court made an order for supervised visitation, stigmatized me as a pedophile while leaving two other children in my care. It still makes me shake my head but, it is the reality of any poor sole going to court expecting to find truth or justice in this corrupt system that has become our family law system.

Today, I have supervised access to my daughter for 2 hours every week. I am self represented because the best lawyer in town is still only half as good as the worst lawyer in town working on behalf of a mother. I mean no disrespect to those that practice family law or that are providing the best representation for their clients. In the first case, I had a very good lawyer whom did a very good job, we won the battle but, when you are facing social agendas and the very prejudicial family law system we fathers are faced with, the children became the true victims. I have the truth on my side and the court does not have the appearance of justice on their side. All the same and because of my experience with the courts, I expect that my connection with my daughter will be lost in the end. Stay tuned for trial in May. I will end this long intro with a quote taken from a letter to me from one of the most respected psychiatrist in Ottawa;

“I sit on the Child and Youth Protection Team where the allegations Mrs. X has made were carefully discussed and the Team has not come up with any reasons to be concerned about Mr. X’s behavior. This report has been made available to the Children’s Aid Society and in general my opinion and the Child and Youth Protection Team’s opinion is that the marriage breakdown has triggered a strategy of accusing Mr. X of sexually abusing his daughter as a strategy for distancing him from his daughter. However, understandable it may be that Mrs. X would want the child for herself, there is no medical psychiatric evidence that suggests that he represents any danger what so ever to his daughter.”

God bless and good luck to all
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 02-17-2007, 10:21 PM
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Default Wow!

If your ex is falsely accusing you she is teh reason why so many children are ignored!!!! I am on the opposit side of you, I left my husband and then my kids told me a few months later that he had been fondlign them...... but NO ONE will listen!!!! all because its a divorce case! They wont even consider his psychologocal problems I hope for your case things turn out ok

Good luck!
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Old 02-18-2007, 12:11 AM
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SillyMe,

Welcome to the forum. That is quite the history.

Question - Why have you asked for joint custody of your daughter. What I mean is "negative finger pointing such as numerous allegations by your ex will not bode well for a joint custodial regime of your child. The 2005 Kaplanis Ontario Court of Appeal decision sums it up; For a court to consider a joint custodial regime for the child in question, there must be historical communication and co-operation between the parents in regards to the best interest of the child. Since the father in that case only claimed a joint custodial regime, the court had no other option than to award sole custody to the mother notwithstanding the trial court found that she was to blame for the lack of co-operation and communication.

In the face of unfounded allegations, Have you considered amending your pleadings to include an additional claim of sole custody. See Stefureak v. Chambers (No. 3), 2005 CanLII 16090 (ON S.C.)

http://www.canlii.org/on/cas/onsc/20...onsc13850.html

lv
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Old 02-18-2007, 12:43 AM
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Thanks for your input lv

When I filed, it was after my wife removed the child and, I was unawares that my wife had made new allegations against me. I asked for joint custody because I “strongly believe” it is best for the children. It wasn’t until some weeks later after she left with our daughter whom I could not see, that I found out that my wife took my daughter to CHEO with new false claims then, lied in her affidavit about the doctor’s diagnosis. She did not attach the diagnosis and the order was made simply on her hearsay evidence. I have since been able to amend my application for sole custody of my daughter. Regardless of which, I am up against the status quo.

SillyMe
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Old 02-18-2007, 12:45 AM
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Mtlmom

There are doctors and such that you can take your children to. My problem is; regardless of my pleadings to have my daughter seen by someone, the court has refused my request, so has the mother. Well not quite, she did have my daughter seeing someone but lied to the court about this also. I am completely powerless, I have had any parental rights stripped from me.

SillyMe
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Old 02-18-2007, 02:01 AM
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SillyMe,

I agree status quo is difficult to change. Basically a material change has to occur. However, in light of the allegations and proof to show that they are unfounded may question their ability to act as a parent in the ongoing care of your child. Continue documenting the discrepancies and untruthfulness of the individual. Eventually, the court has to see the the individuals motives for what it is. At some point or another they will slip up. If the court does realize same, perhaps they may issue a parallel parenting order.


lv
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Old 02-18-2007, 09:41 AM
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Thanks again lv

By material change how? In August the child’s daycare provider made a referral to the CAS. The referral states that the child had bruises on the insides of her thighs’ and knees. When the care provider asked her how she got those bruises, the child came up with three different stories. It was because of the differing stories that the care provider decided to call the CAS. What is so significant about this incident is, I had had no access to my daughter since July and would not have any access until September after my next appearance in court. I did not find out about this incident until I received the court ordered CAS disclosure in November. Hence the difficulty I am facing. No parental rights, no way to protect my daughter and, no way to find out the truth. I broke down wondering what is happening to my daughter. The CAS did not inform me about this incident and determined nothing in the end.

Or how about how my wife has been sleeping with the child since birth? One of the reasons I decided to separate from my wife is she refused to sleep with me, preferring to only sleep with our daughter who has just turned 5 years of age. My daughter and ex moved into a furnished one bedroom apartment, do you think the sleeping arrangements have changed? I do not think this healthy behavior nor can I prove that this behavior continues. To lighten some of this up, I remember lying in bed one night, not long before my ex left the house and thinking to myself; sleeping alone on a very comfortable king size isn’t so bad. Not long after this, I was sleeping on the floor on an air mattress with absolutely no furnishing in the room what so ever. She took all the master bedroom furnishings when she cleaned out the house.

How about her being able to get legal aid, social assistance and, buying a new car all the while having a savings of $27,000 in savings. This was new to me and obviously a well planned exit while I struggled to make ends meet paying all the bills. During our cohabitation she couldn’t contribute 1 cent to the family expenses. She was running a business from our home and just months before this all happened she moved her business into an office, claims to be making little or no income. When she was running her business from our home, she wrote off allot of the house expenses (which I paid) helping her to show little or no income. I even received a cheque for $5,000 from one of her clients addressed to the matrimonial home in August after she moved out. I realize this is a bit of a rant but, I have disclosed all of the above to the court and nothing has changed.

I will leave this rant at this final story about the Christmas access. I get access once a week; 2 hours at the supervised access clinic and 2 hours at McDonalds with her access supervisor the following week. Turns out my access at McDonalds would fall directly on Christmas day and I had asked her supervisor (a nice fellow) if he wouldn’t mind coming to the matrimonial home for 2 hours on Christmas day so my daughter could spend that 2 hours there with us (McDonalds was closed). He said he was fine with that but that I should make those arrangements through her lawyer. It was denied; instead they wanted us to meet at a restaurant at the Chimo Hotel for Christmas day access. When asked directly by the judge why she didn’t agree to the access at our home she stated; I didn’t want our daughter to go there because she hadn’t been there in such a long time. The judge didn’t say anything more and I was left thinking this a reasonable answer. This was our child’s home just months before and flies in the face of an environment the child was already used too.

Again, just a tip of the iceberg and yes, described in my materials now before the court.

SillyMe
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Old 02-18-2007, 10:44 AM
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SillyMe,

Why not use the workers at the child's access centre as credible witness's to correlate that the child is not under harm in your care. What is preventing you from bringing forth a motion to increase the child's access to more meaningful and traditional circumstances.

In Z.(A.) v. W.(J.), [1.] In consideration of the facts; The court held that they could not trust the custodial parent in the ongoing responsibilities of caring for the child and ordered joint custody.

By default, a social assistance recipient qualifies for legal aid automatically.


[1.] Z.(A.) v. W.(J.), 2004 ONCJ 157 (CanLII), (2004), 11 R.F.L. (6th) 180, http://www.canlii.org/on/cas/oncj/2004/2004oncj157.html


lv
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Old 02-18-2007, 04:07 PM
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Thanks again lv

All of my affidavits and motions did request more access or normalization. I have 4 affidavits with close to 100 exhibits on what I have already described and more. My last affidavit was in response to the court not allowing me to make any submissions on my materials. I have yet been afforded the opportunity to make submissions and now the proceedings have been adjourned till trial. The court has done all that they could to keep the truth in the matters from coming forward and having to make a change in the order currently in place by, not allowing me to make submissions. Although, each of the judges did say they read all of my materials.

There are two things with precedence;

1. It would mean that the court would take them into consideration in their determinations and;
2. They would need to be applied to the case at hand.

Since lv you continue to provide precedence, that I continue to read, which in the end should mean a fair, balanced and, unprejudiced proceeding in court here is more;

The last time we were before the judge, he asked my ex directly about how the visits were going and it went something like this;

Judge: So how are the visits going? Any problems?

Ex: Good, she is excited to go on the visits.

Judge: How is she after the visits? Any problems, is she calm, any behavior problems?

Ex: No, she is ok. Is settled, happy, etc.

Judge: Well, if what you say about the father is true, there would be something. There would be something the child would exhibit.

Ex: No answer

Here’s another question the judge asked of her counsel a good 5 times.

Judge: Do you have any other evidence to place before the court other then what the mother has been saying about the father.

Ex’s Counsel: No

On my estranged wife’s affidavit that the court relied on and saw her gain the order which is in place today, she informed the court that there was an ongoing CAS investigation. This was not true and in my last affidavit I included the disclosure from the CAS which include the “Safety Assessment Report” which states that; “The mother erroneously informed then court that there was an ongoing CAS investigation”.

I even asked for leave to appeal that order. If we applied the average person test, I believe there is enough before the court to have made a change in the order but because, it is an order made on the same level and in my experience, changing the current order is just something they will just not do in Ottawa to one of their own colleagues.

I am well aware of the recipe commonly used such as; remove yourself and the children, apply for social assistance, gain legal aid whilst the other working parent must continue in their employment and, pay their own legal expenses if they can afford to do so. What I can’t understand is how someone can have $27,000 and still get social assistance unless of course they lied in order to get that social assistance to begin with.

Add into this mix, I also have two children whom depend on me as their sole support. I am aware that false allegations of abuse are part of the mix and, that the alleged perpetrator is left to prove otherwise. Not an easy task in comparison to just having to lie about such false allegations.

As far as using the witnesses from the visitation here is how that works;

The supervisor from the McDonalds is being called as a witness by my estranged wife.

The supervised visitation centre uses student volunteers; they make reports about the visits and, are rarely the same people week in week out. The reports can be bought and of course, I will buy the reports just before trial and put them into the disclosure. One of those student volunteers reported how cute and loveable my daughter was with me. This I overheard, was not appropriate for the report and needed to be blacked out. The reports I understand are to be pointed and very dry.

In order to get the precedence before the court perhaps a factum might still need to be created so lv, keep sending anything you might think appropriate under these circumstances.

SillyMe
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Old 02-18-2007, 07:51 PM
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SillyMe,

I presume your case is scheduled for trial. That being said, if the trial is delayed through no fault of either party, this would construe to be a material change of circumstance and therefore you should be able to bring forth a motion to increase your child's access.

The supervised access centre has to keep bona fide records of all the clients and how the visits went. They can be entered into evidence and additionally any particular supervisor can be called as a witness.

As you mentioned, the Judges have already asked some questions to your ex, and I do suspect they have already formed a speculative interim opinion and therefore the need for a trial. Credibility is everything.

Is spousal support an outstanding issue? One of the requirements of being a social assistance recipient is to pursue support from all sources. If by chance they were successful in obtaining spousal support in the interim, I do suspect they would no longer qualify for legal aid and therefore less incentive to litigate if one was paying their own legal fees.

Social assistance recipients are allowed to own a vehicle as it is considered an exempt asset. In regards to the 27K; Perhaps the party transferred the money to someone else's name months prior to applying for social assistance. This amount may even be in your child's name.


lv
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