Let it begin

[Grenouille]

Hello! Love this site. I have read many great threads, good advice.

I have been separated for a year. Left my husband after 16 years of being together. I was tired of being in a relationship with someone who only thought of himself. When I wanted to do something new, he wasn't interested. When I asked for him to spend more time with his family and change his schedule, he replied that it wouldn't be good for his health. I admit I was not faithful for the last 2 months of our marriage.

Then I announced I would be leaving. I came to find out that he had been taping all telephone conversations and had software on our computer to get access to all my emails, passwords and everything. He knew what had been going on, but did nothing. For two weeks it was like I was in a dud bomb factory. Didn't know when he would be going off on one of his rants or start buying me flowers. In the 16 years we were together, I didn't receive as many bouquets as I did in those two weeks before I left. Unfortunately it was too late to reconcile for me.

We decided it would be better for the children (12 & 16 years old) to remain with him as I was moving away. I told him I wouldn't try to take the children away from him unless they were in danger. He didn't want to get a lawyer to make everything legal because it would cost too much and start a fight.


I left with threats that when he knew that I wouldn't be coming back to him that my life would be a living hell. So I left with the family debt (20K), a broken down truck and the clothes on my back. My salary is 32K. He only has the mortgage on the house (approx. $1300/month) and makes 115K.

I have spoken to my children almost everyday since I have left. I live approx. 7hours from the children. It costs approx. $1000 everytime I want to see my children. Have seen them a week at Christmas and now have them for a few weeks, but it almost didn't happen.

When I had the children at Christmas, my 12 year old daughter asked to live with me. I told her she had to think long and hard about her decision. I told her she would have to talk to her father about how she felt. Her father told her that I had left and he wouldn't be paying for that, so his answer was no. So I let it be for a while. Then I asked to have the kids for the month of August. He said he wasn't sure if he would let that happen. He needed a letter stating when and how the children would be returned. I sent him the letter and a week later was served with custody/support papers.

I wasn't surprised.

I told him I wouldn't take the kids away from him. If my daughter hadn't asked to move with me I wouldn't be going through this. But she said:"I love my father, but I need my mother" I want what is best for my children. My son is almost done highschool and wishes to stay where he is. I will not love him less for his decision. I have raised my children to be independant. I have taught them that any decision they make I would respect.

Now my fight begins... Divorce/custody/support/division of property. I have been passive for the last 16 years... No more!!! Wish me luck!

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

As you are aware there is allot of useful information to be had on this forum.
If you have questions or wish to bounce things off someone for some outside help, fire away.

Think of it this way, once the issues have been cleared, you won’t have to worry about when or if you’ll have the kids.
Given your distance you could request that he help with the costs of access.
Also, if the daughter is serious about the request to live with you, you may wan to have a child advocate lawyer appointed so that her wishes can be heard in court. At 12 yrs, she has the right to voice her desires.



We're all here to help.

Best of luck.

[Grenouille]

Thanks FL for the welcome.

I have just spoken with an attorney and she will be representing me. It's just nice to be able to speak with others who are going through this ordeal.