Introduction

[GuardianStepMom]

I have had the pleasure of helping raise a little boy for the past 4 years. It breaks my heart that his biological mom does not follow access arrangements or pay child support for the child. My stepson is too young to understand why his mom does not pick him up on her weekends. Would it be unreasonable to request a change in access arrangements so that he could participate more in sports on the weekends? (i.e. hockey?) She has consistently not picked him up for months at a time over the past 2 years. What do you all think? I would rather distract him with activities so he is not as upset, but do not want to interfere with access arrangements in the event the mother does decide to follow through.

[NBDad]

Perhaps have your spouse send the ex an email outlining the activities that the two of you want to put the child into, give her the schedule and allot X amount of time for her to respond.

If she says nothing, you can safely enroll him in them and offer her either the option of taking him to the activity if she has him those days, OR trading off for another day when he won't be at that activity.

The key part is to inform her of them ahead of time and allow the chance for her to object, and then to offer reason for her objections.

[GuardianStepMom]

The problem is that there is just over an hour drive in distance between us and the mom. So I doubt she would agree to take him to activities if hockey was on a Saturday. We have also gotten no response to emails when we have sent them in the past.

We are worried that we would be accused of denying access if we signed him up. We just want to make sure we dot all of our i's and cross all of our t's. I am not sure how a judge might look at us if we sign him up for such activities knowing she has access every other weekend. I have read cases where custody has been switched due to access denial and we do not want the same thing to happen even though she is not currently exercising her rights.

But thanks for your input NBDad

[billiechic]

If all you want is to sign him up for a sport, then sending an email is the best bet. If she doesn't respond, then you can sign him up. But if you are looking to change the access based on the child wanting to play hockey, you have an uphill battle.

[NBDad]

That's pretty much what I was trying to get across.

IF you send an email and she doesn't respond, she can't say you did it to be spiteful or to deny access. She had the opportunity to respond and chose not to.

If the kid has activities and it's EVERY weekend, then you can't be accused of denying her. Personally I would send the email, give her time to respond, then if she chooses to exercise access either make sure he can miss the odd time, OR offer to trade her off time, OR offer to allow her to drive him in.

IF the activity is every second weekend, and it falls always on her time, you might have to be extra careful. Inform her and offer to switch the existing weekends to accommodate the activity or something.

There is no reason for the kid to miss out on things just because Mom *might* take him. It's part of being a parent, making sure the kid gets to participate in those kinds of things.

The key part is to come off as the reasonable, flexible one. It'll ensure that Momma doesn't have a leg to stand on if she tries to make a stink.

[CISTEAD]

Just a note to GuardianStepMom,

What a lucky boy he is to have you.

[GuardianStepMom]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I've talked to my stepsons father and we are going to write an email and send a letter in the mail. We figure if we give her a month and a half to reply that will be sufficient. Hopefully there will not be any issues. We are also going to take the advice on allowing her to take him if she would like. Hopefully it will all work out. Thanks again

[dadtotheend]

A month and a half?

Have you let the glacial pace of family law get to you?

One week.