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Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

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Old 11-21-2015, 01:35 PM
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Hi: I just wanted to share a little background and say hello.

I am new to the forum as a member, but have been reading for quite some time.

The information and comments here have been quite helpful as I tried to assist a close family member with a breakup and bitter custody dispute.

I learned a lot and also learned to adjust my own thinking sometimes as I read both current stories and searched older posts.

In the family situation that drew me to the forum initially, it was finally resolved with a final order not too long ago. The outcome through mediation was joint custody and 50/50 parenting time share. Although the rational, fair and logical side of me would say all along that that was probably the right thing to have happen, especially in this day and age, there were times during the process that I thought it might go sole and primary, first to one parent, and then the other. It was quite a rollercoaster for everyone involved and I admit that there were some emotional times in the middle when my rational side would desert me.

I think the worst moment of the whole ordeal was when the other parent(the father) managed to pull off a temporary motion win securing primary residence and very much majority parenting time based off of withholding my GD out of anger at her mother(my D), extreme lies on the material and an incompetent lawyer. Sitting in the courtroom as the temp decision was read, I thought my heart would break. It was at that time I think that I really understood how so many fathers must feel as that tactic has often been used on fathers in the past. At the same motion, OCL was ordered and that resulted in a recommendation for basically the complete reverse.

Temp 50/50 was next, followed by mediation and final 50/50.

In the middle of this long process, all that kept me going was knowing that my D and GD needed my support and of course those rare "peaceful moments".

My own divorce from my first husband so many years ago was quite peaceful and easy really. We had no real property to speak of and no children. We simply divided our belongings in what we thought was a fair manner and moved on. Emotionally painful of course, but we tried to be grownups although we were quite young really.

Well, that's my story, just thought I would actually join and maybe be able to contribute or comment as this forum helped enormously.

Thanks for listening, so to speak.
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Old 11-21-2015, 01:54 PM
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Welcome and thanks for sharing. Always nice to see a new poster on here, particularly someone such as yourself, a grandmother, who has lived through the turmoil of child custody. I can't imagine how stressful it must be to sit on the sidelines, helpless, and watch the outcome.

Did you at any time consider starting litigation as a grandparent for time with grandchild or was this not an issue for you? There have been some posts over the years from grandparents and I have read some real gong-shows on CanLii which involve 3-way litigation with grandparents.

Do you think grandparents should be involved in child custody litigation?
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Old 11-21-2015, 02:04 PM
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Hi Arabian:

It was indeed stressful. My D was pretty young and I was/am extremely close to my amazing GD4. I tried my best to walk the line between supporting them and imposing my own thoughts and viewpoints. There was the low of the first temp motion decision, the high of the OCL recommendation, and everything in between.

I never did have to seriously consider my own access motion as I never had any concerns over my own daughter not ensuring I was a strong part of their lives. If, god forbid, something were to happen to my D, I may have to as the other parent thinks more of what will hurt our side of the family rather than what is in my GD's best interest and would likely cut us out completely.

I think that in general grandparents should not be part of the litigation itself unless absolutely necessary. I would however, go to the mat if I felt it was needed. In our case, we(my husband and I) formed part of the strong family support system and environment that helped in the OCL process.

Thank you for the welcome!
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