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Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-11-2009, 05:28 PM
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Default Introducing Myself

Hello everyone:

Glad I dropped by this website and forum. I chose that username because I want to feel good about myself. My situation is horrible. In my second marriage, married for 8 years, have 6 kids altogether, 3 from my first marriage and 3 from my second. My first husband was very abusive and I mean all forms. I was lucky to get out alive. Well this one is mentally abusive and I cannot take it anymore. He has vowed to fight for custody of his three kids, does not want to give me any spousal or child support. I am so much in debt because he does not to help financially, bills are behind, the mortgage is behind. I cannot afford a lawyer to act on my behalf so I am kind of doing the little that I can by myself, but I know it is going to be messy. I have filed for sole custody, child support. His response was the same as my filing.

What can I do, where do I go from here?

Thank you.
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Old 02-11-2009, 06:32 PM
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Hello and welcome to the forums here. You will find many who have some good advice so just ask your questions.

Sounds like your spouse was controlling. I know what that is like had one like that. But I know it may not seem like theres hope some days but you can and will get through. Try to use all the resources that are available to you. Contact your city offices and they can give you lots of programs etc that may be out there. The unfortunate part is that they dont come looking for you you have to let them know that you are out there. Talk to family and friends even if they only have a hug to help out with I know it got me through the first few months.

As for legal advice, ask questions here, there is also legal aid and flic that may be available to you. Document as much as you can ie a journal and copies of letters etc and hang on to them.

One thing to always remember is to try and not let him intimidate you. You are stronger than you think. You have been through this before and you can get through again.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:22 PM
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Default Introducing Myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtALoss View Post
Hello and welcome to the forums here. You will find many who have some good advice so just ask your questions.

Sounds like your spouse was controlling. I know what that is like had one like that. But I know it may not seem like theres hope some days but you can and will get through. Try to use all the resources that are available to you. Contact your city offices and they can give you lots of programs etc that may be out there. The unfortunate part is that they dont come looking for you you have to let them know that you are out there. Talk to family and friends even if they only have a hug to help out with I know it got me through the first few months.

As for legal advice, ask questions here, there is also legal aid and flic that may be available to you. Document as much as you can ie a journal and copies of letters etc and hang on to them.

One thing to always remember is to try and not let him intimidate you. You are stronger than you think. You have been through this before and you can get through again.
Hello AtALoss, thank you for the response. You said it right, he is trying to intimidate me and rule my life. I have recently become withdrawn from friends and family because I feel they are judging me.

I am so scared of losing custody of the kids. The initial hearing is on June 25, how should I prepare myself. Will there be other documents I need to take apart from the ones that I have already submitted? I used the tables to ask for child support but I have heard that he plans to quit his job before the date so he doesn't pay the child support. My first ex owes me close to $100000, he has totally refused to pay but he got what he deserves. His passport was suspended so when he went to renew it, his application was denied, so he is stuck in the country he visited. He still refuses to pay the support, the case is with the FRO and even though I call for updates, there is nothing new they can tell me.

I need help and a lot of answers.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:40 PM
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My ex has been trying to do the same so know what it's like.

First never forget that you do have rights and so do your children under the law. Sorry to say with regard to the men here and I am not trying to berate anyone but the law is in favour of giving the mother's custody. If you have done nothing wrong ie abusing your children etc. more in your favour. But also bear in mind that the law also says the same for men. So you both will get equal consideration with visitation. As it should be the children do have a right to see either parent as hard as it might be to swallow at times the court seldom will deny that to the kids. As for custody are the kids currently with you? if so that is a start in what they will consider "Status Quo" The courts are reluctant to make major changes to that unless warrented. If you feel that there needs to be changes to that you will need proof. With the exception of abuse the court does not really want to hear about the little scaubles and and such that so many lawyers try to use. The courts take pretty much a business like attitude and try to get down to the important issues.(trying to keep the emotions out of it)We all are hurting alot in the beginning and its not an easy task.

Have more to say and will do so shortly.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cute4u View Post
I need help and a lot of answers.
You came to a good place. Ask away.
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Old 02-11-2009, 09:51 PM
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Hi again,
Sorry for the interuption...family matters.

I hope that I am not coming off as harsh that is not my intent. I just wish the someone in the begining would have set me down and told me a few "facts of life" or more like divorce. I was a mess and until I met my new spouse... well he had been through it all and seen it all. Really helped me to find the strength and sensibilities that I already had inside me. Any way that's another story.
You mentioned there has been abuse of various sorts in your relationships Depending on how you feel and how much privacy you desire (we all do) but it is not a weekness to seek someone out to help you through these issues. There are support agencies etc that can help you and your kids.
I have been separated for five yrs now and my ex has tried to pull all sorts of stunts/lies. He was abusive as well as controlling. It helps to talk to keep you sane to get through. You are away and he no longer has the same level of power over you.

There are agencies such as the Office of the Childrens Lawyer and CAS. I am very much on the fence about both of them but if you do feel you need them and find a good worker they will be there to represent your kids needs. The OCL are psycologist/lawyers that work only for the children. In other words they will not represent the parents they are supposed to be nuetral. Thier fees are paid by the province. Both are options out there but i suggest you think long and hard before calling, Just as there are good stories there are just as many that didnt turn out so well. Just be wary.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 02-11-2009, 10:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cute4u View Post
I am so scared of losing custody of the kids. The initial hearing is on June 25, how should I prepare myself. Will there be other documents I need to take apart from the ones that I have already submitted?
Hard to say what you will need as Dont know all of what has been done. The only thing that I can assume is that one or the other of you has filed your 1st motion to get this started. Have you adressed all the issues that you are seeking? Ie support, divorce etc. Most likely. Do you have any legal representation? If they are doing as you are asking it is pretty much a wait til June period for you. The first steps which will begin in June are settlement conferences and case management meetings (assuming that you will be going the court route.) These are two fold in thier purpose in that they give you a chance to attempt to settle some of your issues and in that hope that you both can settle enough to avoid having to go into a full divorce trial.

Wow I think I have said enough here for tonight... sorry about that. Read thru many of the posts here, education is your most powerful weapon in that you will know when you are being pushed into things etc etc. I wish you the best of luck, ask away of all of us. Hope what I said helped some.
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Old 02-13-2009, 04:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtALoss View Post
Hi again,
Sorry for the interuption...family matters.

I hope that I am not coming off as harsh that is not my intent. I just wish the someone in the begining would have set me down and told me a few "facts of life" or more like divorce. I was a mess and until I met my new spouse... well he had been through it all and seen it all. Really helped me to find the strength and sensibilities that I already had inside me. Any way that's another story.
You mentioned there has been abuse of various sorts in your relationships Depending on how you feel and how much privacy you desire (we all do) but it is not a weekness to seek someone out to help you through these issues. There are support agencies etc that can help you and your kids.
I have been separated for five yrs now and my ex has tried to pull all sorts of stunts/lies. He was abusive as well as controlling. It helps to talk to keep you sane to get through. You are away and he no longer has the same level of power over you.

There are agencies such as the Office of the Childrens Lawyer and CAS. I am very much on the fence about both of them but if you do feel you need them and find a good worker they will be there to represent your kids needs. The OCL are psycologist/lawyers that work only for the children. In other words they will not represent the parents they are supposed to be nuetral. Thier fees are paid by the province. Both are options out there but i suggest you think long and hard before calling, Just as there are good stories there are just as many that didnt turn out so well. Just be wary.
Thank you so much for the responses and pointers, I will be following up on the advice provided. I need to talk to someone and so do my kids. I am in the process of preparing the separation agreement, I understand there is a difference between joint custody and shared custody. Before I make a mistake on the form, can someone please explain these in detail if you can of email me privately. Also the benefits of one over the other. Also since my stbx has never revealed to me how much he makes, it is making my life really miserable in terms of him telling me the truth of how much he really makes so I can get the correct child support.

I am just so overwhelmed right now, falling in love is such an easy thing, try falling out of it with strings attached!!
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2009, 05:44 PM
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Generally the difference in the terms is based on time spent with what Parent.
Joint refers/ defined as Both have custody but one parent is named to have primary/principle residence. While shared is 50/50, equal time for both.

I have the first and my daughter spends alternate weekends and holiday provisions with her Dad.
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