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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2014, 07:22 PM
Hand of Justice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
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Links17 is on a distinguished road

HAHA, you're getting played. Of course is amicable, you're giving her your entire salary and you've given her sole custody. Smarten up but don't make it so obvious that you know she is screwing you.

-Say you really missing seeing the kids and go home.
-Keep a recorder on at all times
-Do what you can to get her to get a job, do it in a super friendly way otherwise she is never going to work.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you still want to be a father (not an every other weekend clown + ATM mmachine) make some changes VERY quickly,

Also, button down the storm is coming.

Last edited by Links17; 05-20-2014 at 07:25 PM.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2014, 11:20 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,474
dinkyface will become famous soon enough

Basic negotiation: Avoid creating a situation where she is comfortable and she has no incentive to change it. You'd be appalled at how long it can take to restore an equitable arrangement via the courts when one party is intent on stalling (hint: years, not months).
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 05-21-2014, 11:51 AM
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billm is on a distinguished road

If you ever want 50/50 access for your kids, then you have to start today. If you just want them every other weekend and maybe a weekday, then that is easy to get at any time.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 05-24-2014, 10:23 AM
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MrToronto is on a distinguished road

It's already too late, he says things aren't working out so he nicely moved out well according to LAW you abandoned the marriage.

That's the future term get use to it. When you abandon the marriage you abandon the Primary Residence and the little things there like children and maybe the equity in the house.

It's also nice to give your ex provable support of half a months salary for the next 20 years (for a short term marriage)

I wonder how good everything will be if Mother Teresa gets a live in boyfriend or perhaps the poster gets a girlfriend.

Keep it out of the COURTS your already done there anyways, get a good separation agreement through mediation (actually do everything yourselves without a lawyer just get your contract witnessed dated and signed) and thro it into a cupboard for future reference if needed
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 05-24-2014, 09:22 PM
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dinkyface will become famous soon enough

Disagree with MrToronto's depiction.

Hard to justify the term 'Abandonment of marriage' when he is paying spousal voluntarily, and looking after the kids, and when it seems like it was a mutual decision for him to move out. You have not forfeited your share of the marital assets by moving out.

However, you have put yourself in a bad negotiating position, and I'd *guess* the only way to keep this out of the courts is for you to continue rolling over.

Your ex is getting the idea that she is entitled to stay in the home, with the kids, and with little change in her finances. She will not be happy with the reality that likely you may have to sell the house (she'd have to pay you half the equity to stay there).

Last edited by dinkyface; 05-24-2014 at 09:25 PM.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 05-24-2014, 10:34 PM
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Location: Western Canada
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arabian will become famous soon enough

I think it's admirable that the two of you are trying to move on and not lose the precious equity the two of you have worked for. When two people get married and have children the last thing on your minds is the possibility of a marriage ending. Heed the advice of other people on this forum, however, because what you are doing today may greatly impact your family's future and overall well-being.

Of course you should be absolutely certain that divorce is right for you. Sometimes people can separate for a while, work on issues and then reunite. I hope you have explored all of the options because the decision to divorce will have a long lasting, if not permanent, impact on the two of you as well as your children, no matter how civil things are.

Depending upon the roles the two of you assumed during your marriage, there could be lots of adjusting. The biggie is financial. If you were the only person who worked outside of the home and paid the bills then I would strongly suggest that you give your STBX (soon to be ex) the tools and support she will need to start budgeting and paying her bills. Many people who are immersed in a role of primary child care provider simply do not know how to manage finances. Managing finances isn't just a matter of paying bills it's about budgeting and planning for future. Having an open and supportive dialogue about finances will go a long way in helping each other become less dependent upon the other. Some people adapt quickly, others not so quickly.

Preparing budgets together might be a good step. If possible, work on these budgets together. It would be naive to think that budget-planning is a one-time meeting. Be prepared to get together frequently and discuss the weekly expenses. By doing this you are giving each other full financial disclosure. Prior to having these regular "meetings" you might want to agree on some things that you agree shouldn't be discussed. Neutral locations to meet and have these discussions might be helpful.

If you can do this then you are leaps and bounds ahead of those of us who end up in lengthy and expensive family court litigation.

Last edited by arabian; 05-24-2014 at 10:38 PM.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 05-25-2014, 10:50 AM
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dinky's right, the term Abandoned the Marriage or deserted or left the marriage has various degree's of meanings but make no mistake, there's going to be label slapped on Nats forehead at some point.

little blurb below (and note the blurb didn't even mention custody):

We live in a time when divorce is easy to get. Marital Abandonment can be hard to prove and the courts, except in severe cases are going to view abandonment as legally immaterial. In other words, the courts will not force a man or woman to stay in a marriage. The one who abandons the marriage will not be forced to return but he/she will be held financially responsible for things such as child support, spousal support and division of property.

Last edited by MrToronto; 05-25-2014 at 10:56 AM. Reason: remove links
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