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Old 07-10-2012, 03:19 AM
arabian's Avatar
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arabian will become famous soon enough

Plonk - I commend you for your honesty in your initial posts. Quite refreshing. I am also heartened by your attitude and desire to be fair and not leave your stbx in a financial jam. You sound like the way I thought my husband (of 30 yrs) would have reacted. Rioe had a very important point - get things sorted out before you or your stbx get hooked up with someone else. It seems that when that happens the gloves come off.

Do get a new accountant. He will be one of the most important sources of guidance and information for you over the next part of your journey. I have used both CA's as well as CGA's. Interview them like you would when you shop for your lawyer. Fortunately accountants still seem to give you the free consultation. Once you get your finances organized you will feel alot better. I am still having lots of financial issues and my divorce only took 9 months.

It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your stbx and you indicated that she wasn't very sophisticated when it came to finances. You might talk about this with your accountant and either arrange for the two of you to meet with him and/or arrange for her own accountant. Same goes for the banker.

You have the right attitude. The sooner you can get your wife feeling confident and on the road to being on her own two feet financially the better it will be for you in the long run. Too often I hear of women who are recently divorced who are encouraged to "second guess" everything. They feel insecure which leads to visits to a lawyer who will only be too happy to reopen the divorce. This goes both ways. You could end up meeting some wonderful girl and she might try to get you to cut your wife off financially. In other words, the generosity you feel today might disappear some day in the not too distant future. Some people (men and women) lose their ability to think rationally when they enter into a new relationship.

I am quite heartened that you have a good relationship with your stbx. Don't let anyone screw with that.

Be good to yourself and get your finances in order.
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Old 07-10-2012, 03:25 AM
arabian's Avatar
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,961
arabian will become famous soon enough

I live in Alberta and we didn't have to go to trial. We have another process here (JDR - binding or non-binding). We did have our own legal counsel but we both agreed to meet up with the judge and get a binding Judicial Dispute Resolution ruling which took a day. Our divorce was not pleasant but after trying one 4-way meeting with ex and his lawyer I realized that the process could go on for years as both parties can agree to someone one day and change their minds the next: money from heaven for lawyers.

Nice thing about JDR is that it is private.
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