I am new here

[Mess]

Nick,

Here is a link to the spousal support advisory guidlines prepared by the Canadian Department of Justice, it also includes background reasons for understanding them, it is pretty clearly worded and not too difficult. If you understood my earlier bad math, you will understand this just fine.

These are guidelines, not law, but I have been given to understand that judges have read these over and are applying them. They also deal with variations due to length of marriage, etc.

For your situation, I would not pay, or offer to pay her any spousal support for past years. The reason is, Child Support is understood in law to be an automatic entitlement, we must support our children. Spousal Support is a different case, the onus is on her to show that she should be receiving support and why. By paying any amount of Spousal Support for past years you are basicly agreeing with her claim. Let the judge decide if she deserves it or not.

As far as her looking for work, no she does not have to report to you, and this in my opinion is correct, you may be a nice guy but many couples have had abusive or controlling situations and the point of divorce is to be free of each other. The financial obligation is tough, but it should be at arms length, she is not your employee and you are not her manager. I don't mean this offensively but this is how the law sees it.

What you should try to do is to ask for a fair limit of time for the payment of support, let her do as she pleases during that time and if she doesn't find work it is her problem. Stress that she is fully educated and capable of working. If the support is ordered for a longer time period, you could ask that there be an automatic review in say 2 years, or you can try to get a motion to change or cease the support later.

It is a difficult situation, all you can do is try your best.

[nick2009]

Mess,

Thank you for your quick reply.

1) " spousal support advisory guidlines ", I will take time to go through it.

2) i have paid the child supput a lot in lump sum, plus my daughter's after school programms, weekend programms, summer private schools etc. i do not mind and be happy to pay for my child, she is part of my life. however, everytime i pay the child support in lump sum, and i put my wife's name on the checks. I only wrote "child support" on the bottom of the checks. And after handing the ckecks to my wife, i did not ask reciepts, it seems i do not have evidence to proof what i did. Is it ok for the judge to accept it.

3) " Spousal Support is a different case, the onus is on her to show that she should be receiving support and why. By paying any amount of Spousal Support for past years you are basicly agreeing with her claim. Let the judge decide if she deserves it or not.", --- this is very helpful. the lawyer I hired before told me at the last meeting that i could repreent myself, tell the judge my financial difficulty of hiring a lawyer to gain some understanding, show all the right paper/documents to the judge, let the judge make a decision. He also told me that in my case there is not too much arguement. Is it the right way to handle the case in term of self-representation.

4) there are a lot of tricky things in it. Learnt a lot from you, and keep learning.

thank you for your kind support

xiaojun tang
jan 7, 2010

[Mess]

I think you have mentioned being to the courthouse already, yes? Ask to speak to the Duty Counsel, who is there to help you with filing forms. They will explain what forms, how to fill them out, what supporting statements and documents you need, what the due date is for various filings, what the next step and next step is, etc. They are only permitted to give you explanation of proceedure, not legal advice, so stick to proceedure and they will help you a lot. Make sure to take detailed notes of what they say.

Next, you go to the ground floor at 393 University and find the Family Law Information Centre. Here you can get 1/2 hour of free legal advice from a lawyer, and also the clerk at the counter will give you good advice on where to find more information, they have computers available there.

I suggest you go to the Duty Councel first so you don't waste your half hour asking the FLIC lawyer questions about proceedure. The FLIC clerk will hopefully have some information about your other question about interpreters.

The judge will be impressed by someone who is logical, forthcoming, concise and to the point, with every point and argument and fact laid out in sensible order. When you prepare your Application (or Response) and Conference Brief lay out a logical series of facts that leads one to see your point, without being too wordy. The judge prefers not to read 5 pages, or to read paragraphs that go off topic.

Being positive and giving good reasons supporting your argument, and not being negative and giving endless insults and criticisms of your wife, will impress the judge. Having a reasonable offer, not a selfish one-sided offer helps your case. Judges are not stupid and they have heard many stories. At the case conference they prefer to keep things brief and to the point. The intent is to avoid a long expensive trial.

The judge may speak sense to your wife and help her find more reasonable expectations. You may also ask for the court mediation, which could help your wife to see a reasonable compromise.

[nick2009]

Mess,

Thank you for your reply.

1) I went to the courthouse once as the Respondent for the first appearance May 8th, 2009 on behalf of myself. I talked to the Duty Counsel for 10 minutes and I was told to get a lawyer to protect my interest.

2) As to the FLIC, first time I know it, ½ hour free legal advice will help me a lot.

3) The points you mentioned about well-prepared paper works for the judge will give me more confidence of dealing with the judge.

My question – court mediation

I do not know, but I would like to have a mediator to help both sides approach the key points effectively and efficiently. I would like to know what time will be proper for me to ask for the court mediation, (1) before the case conference or (2) during the case conference or (3) after the case conference.

I have asked so many questions, I really appreciate your and other members’helps. Meanwhile I should say that this forum is so great, the people are so amazing.

Have a good weekend

Xiaojun tang
Jan 8, 2010