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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2012, 09:59 AM
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Ummm, last I checked it's called "Ottawa Divorce" forum. How astounding that many on here are in fact 'divorced' - what a strange coincidence.
no guff sherlock....and by some of the responses it becomes painfully obvious WHY .......
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:02 AM
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Blink: true - it's about more than just divorce. But it is predominantly related to divorce.

Mumster: Go F yourself. Thank you and have a lovely day.
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:14 AM
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Blink: true - it's about more than just divorce. But it is predominantly related to divorce.
True, but you don't have to BE divorcing to have questions to ask or information to offer ABOUT divorce.
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:15 AM
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My original point still stands.

While I certainly understand supporting anyone through the trauma of divorce, when you start involving new partners in litigation...you are placing a powderkeg on a camp fire. In this case, it might not be the actual dissolution of the relationship but childcare issues are just as tense.

I'm not suggesting sometimes it might not be the only way. (ie, new partner is in a coma or otherwise unable to handle their own issues with their ex) but in order to reduce the tension all the parties involved....particularly the kids,..I wouldn't do it unless it was absolutely necessary. The amount of resentment and ongoing drama it must cause after the court action is probably incredible.

I would never want to use my new partner in that way anyway. I've always been adult enough to handle my own problems.

Again, just my opinion.

As to the suggestion of a sub-forum for Step-Parents...I think that's a really, really good idea. Being a step parent (particulary when younger children and bitter ex's are involved) has to probably be one of the worst jobs on the planet.
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
True, but you don't have to BE divorcing to have questions to ask or information to offer ABOUT divorce.
Or hopefully to ask questions and offer advice regarding issues that happen POST divorce or "break up", like child support, custody, access etc, which is why *I* am here.
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I'm not suggesting sometimes it might not be the only way. (ie, new partner is in a coma or otherwise unable to handle their own issues with their ex) but in order to reduce the tension all the parties involved....particularly the kids,..I wouldn't do it unless it was absolutely necessary. The amount of resentment and ongoing drama it must cause after the court action is probably incredible.

I would never want to use my new partner in that way anyway. I've always been adult enough to handle my own problems.
In my case is WAS necessary, and not because my husband is a juvenile and couldn't take care of his own shit. He's been unemployed due to a workplace accident for which we're still fighting with WSIB, I'm trying to support the entire household on my income and NOT go bankrupt, so yeah, I acted as the 'lawyer' because we couldn't afford one. Thankfully it's always gone in our favour, because we are the ones who have always been right and have done the right things, by the law and by the kids. My husband didn't use me. I stepped in and did the right thing so he didn't lose his kids, among other things. Did it suck, and does it continue to suck? Sure. But it was still the right thing to do.
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Old 07-04-2012, 10:51 AM
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It's a free world and no you do not need membership to post on this forum. Please be aware, however, that many people on this forum have been burned by "new partners" in their attempts to offer support to their loved ones. What starts out as loyalty to the new partner very often turns into an out and out venomous attack on the ex. When someone comes on this forum and starts their posts with statements that they were successful at beating their husband's ex in court 3 times, don't expect me, or many others, to be extending a gracious welcome.

I have to say that I don't notice many male posters writing into this forum stating that they are fighting for their girlfriend in her divorce. Is it perhaps a female thing to butt one's nose in where it doesn't belong? Tsk tsk.
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Old 07-04-2012, 11:05 AM
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I have to say that I don't notice many male posters writing into this forum stating that they are fighting for their girlfriend in her divorce. Is it perhaps a female thing to butt one's nose in where it doesn't belong? Tsk tsk.
I suspect the difference would be that the psychological makeup of men vs women tends to be quite different. Men are listeners and distractors. They will hear what you're going through, offer an empathetic response, possibly some advice and assume the issue has been addressed and move on to distraction. Women are nurturers and fixers. We offer empathy, advice and ultimately action what we feel we can fix or help to fix as we tend to have an innate need to ensure everyone is taken care of.

It has little to do with being nosy or controlling, it's an inborn need to take care of those we care about. Not to say that men don't care, they just handle it differently.
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Old 07-04-2012, 11:11 AM
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Lol or some of them offer to punch out the idiot that's making your life difficult But no, we won't go there.

Dealing w/my ex was bad enough. Having a stranger put her oar in and stoke the fire likely doubled my legal costs. When HE rips me off (short pays or doesn't pay CS) - THEY rip me off. She's not going without on any level. Nor are their 2 kids. The same cannot be said for me. Won't go into the whole story as I'd be here all day and its not really related to this thread. Hey, we've all got a story. Bottom line: some new partners get waaay too involved and it's wrong.
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Old 07-04-2012, 11:18 AM
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Good point, however, "fixing" tends to turn to "manipulating and controlling" in my experience with my ex's girlfriend. If my ex would have left his girlfriend out of things from the start we both would have saved piles of money in legal fees. She gave him horrible advice and arranged terrible lawyers for him. I have actually felt sorry for him at times. My ex is a hard-working man and she gets him to try to have the spousal support overturned every year. This last episode took over 9 months and my ex is going to be faced with over 10,000.00 in my legal bills just for this last stupid legal thing. His girlfriend hasn't worked a day in her life and certainly isn't going to pay for it. What an incredible waste.
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