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Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

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Old 07-03-2012, 01:52 PM
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Default Hi there, newbie from Northern Ontario

Nope, not from Ottawa, hope that's OK!

I've been married to my husband for 2.5 years now, and it's been challenging to say the least. 90% of our issues stem from his ex and the ongoing nonsense concerning her and her trying to make his life a living hell. It's been very trying to say the least, but I tell myself to stick it out as best I can... partly because I was married once before and so I'm more committed to making things work this time. I'd hate to get divorced because of outside influences, and not because we actually can't stand each other, you know?

Anyways, I'm here for advice and maybe even to give a little if I can, as I successfully beat the ex's lawyer on 3 different occasions now in court (although unfortunately she's now hired a new lawyer who ISN'T a loser LOL ).

Glad to be here, thanks for having me!
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Old 07-03-2012, 04:48 PM
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Quote:
...as I successfully beat the ex's lawyer on 3 different occasions now in court...
Maybe if you had stayed out of his divorce issues, it wouldn't have resulted in the amount of animosity that she had in the first place?

If 90% of your issues result from his ex...then you have very screwed up priorities in your relationship.

You weren't standing at the altar when he made the decision to marry him...its really not your place to delve into his divorce details. It causes a steep escalation in an already war-like situation. If he's a grown man, he should be handling this on his own...and having the respect for his ex and you not to have you at each other's throats.

I seriously cannot understand women who engage in this. Its such a violation of your place as the new partner....and its so incredibly disrespectful on his part.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:12 PM
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Couldn't agree with you more Pursuing Happiness. I think people become involved in their partner's battle with ex because they are 1) biased and blindly believe everything their partner relates to them, 2) they falsely believe that by endorsing everything their partner says elevates them in their partner's eyes as a super-supportive individual, 3) they have something financial to gain by "sticking it to the ex" and 4) have little going on in their current relationship and get a genuine thrill out of the dysfunctional relationships of others.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:26 PM
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Regardless of the motive for getting involved, the issue is that it causes a massive escalation in an already traumatic situation.

Personally, I've been on both sides...I met my partner when he was going through a divorce and vice versa. I was always available when he needed someone to talk or vent to....and he was there for me but his divorce was his business...and mine is mine.

With some ex's..its bad enough when they even know you're dating....to drag that new person into the details and legalities of a divorce is akin to putting a box of dynamite on a campfire.

From a relationship perspective...its truly disrespectful to use a new partner this way. And what occurs in a marriage is really only known by the two people who entered into it. To abuse your place in a new relationship by getting involved in this is truly wrong. Just my opinion, however.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:54 PM
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Ummm alrighty then, I never said I was involved in his "DIVORCE". He wasn't married, they were split for years before we dated. Things were amicable with her until we got engaged, which is when she started dragging him through court unnecessarily. And because we couldn't afford a lawyer, I took care of all the court paperwork for him, as his partner. Simple.

And I don't see how my priorities are screwed up because his ex is constantly making trouble for us, and it puts a lot of stress on the both of us?

Guess my welcome was worn out before I even hit a dozen posts. Glad you guys have me and my marriage all figured out.
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:07 PM
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Aside from making references about what a nutty bitch his ex is (you provided no examples) and boasting that you were great at kicking her ass in court (over undisclosed matters) just wtf are you talking about anyway? If your partner's ex can rock your foundation this much then I suspect your relationship has several other issues. For what little info you have offered, I'd have to agree with PursuingH and arabian. You should try presenting a more intelligent, detailed scenario - otherwise the responses you received are quite fitting.
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:13 PM
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I didn't realize I had to explain the whole sordid scenario in an INTRODUCTION post. Wow. Real welcoming bunch.

So where did I call her a nutty bitch exactly? And where did I say I had 'kicked her ass'? Yep, I beat her lawyer, after she.. for starters, tried to get sole custody as soon as she found out we were engaged, as she wanted to move to Alberta all of a sudden, and tried to get back support, and took out a credit card in his name and racked it up (as she worked at a financial institution), and then moved to another city with the kids without telling him... yep, I'm super vindictive though. And I don't suppose my husband's credit suddenly being ruined, his kids disappearing, having to deal with Children's Aid... yeah, none of that would be taxing on a new marriage, you're right. Is that enough information for an intelligent introduction for you all?
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:20 PM
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Get off your high horse for starters. I wasn't quoting you on anything, just generalizing - and yes, your last post (while highly defensive) did provide more detail. Yes, that's what people provide on here when they are seeking advice: DETAILS. There are a lot of experienced, knowledgable people on this forum and if you are truly seeking advice/info you should dial down your attitude a few notches. If you're simply looking to bitch, presumably you have a gf or two you can do that with (?)
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:26 PM
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Two topics get people unreasonably riled up around here: new partners interfering in divorce proceedings, and undeserved spousal support.

And welcome.
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:26 PM
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I wasn't looking to bitch. Nor did I say I was looking for any specific advice in this thread. It was an intro thread, with some vague back story, consistent with a "hey, I'm new here, hello!" thread. I think I have a right to be defensive when people suddenly start shitting on me like I'm the crazy 'new wife' with 'screwed up priorities' who just can't deal or some shit. And putting words in my mouth didn't help. I had no attitude in my OP. None.

What's the relevance in posting details such as those I just posted if not just to feed the vultures?
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