Hi there. Just another rather confused gal...

[Doormouse]

Hi everyone.

Just stumbled onto this site. Looks very interesting and I'm hoping it will help me as well. I've noticed lots of very informative suggestions/information and I can't wait to hear what you all have to say to me...lol.

Anyway...hi.

[standing on the sidelines]

welcome to the site. There are lots of friendly and helpful people in this forum. Just remember that you will get peoples personal opinions also so sometimes there are disagreements.

[scarycheri]

Welcome!!! There are many many helpful people on this forum. I have had the good fortune to get some great advice and feedback from here. I also find it a great place to sort of vent and hear about how other people are having a hard time. Sometimes you can feel so alone with all the confusion. I am so glad I found this forum. I only hope that I can be of help to someone on here too!!!

[tremw]

I am new to this site too......hopefully get some help without having to pay top dollars for!

[MoEcho]

Originally Posted by tremw

I am new to this site too......hopefully get some help without having to pay top dollars for!

LOL! True dat!!
At least we still be able to afford dinner!! (And can cry into our $2 soup)

[sorrysue]

I am also new to this , tring to figure this thing , on the computer and my life.. I am in a common law relationship for almost 9 years. We own a house together and he is abusive, and mean and disrepectful. Now he thinks he can intimadate me into leaving with out talking to a lawyer. I have a couple calls into some lawyers but i want to really fight him. He has hurt me and my family for the very last time.... Just want to make sure that I have all my facts straight and I am intitled to what I think I am... I want him to hurt cuz of me for a change....Even if it is only because of money... But that will hurt him more than anything else on this planet...
Anyways hello everyone, hopefully I can get my life back.... Talk to you all soon..

[MoEcho]

Hello SorrySue. Your situation is not a fun one to be in for sure. Don't let him bully you in to anything! You have every right to consult and Lawyer and make sure you get everything you are entitled to.

Good for you for standing up for yourself! STAY STRONG!! Be Brave! We are here for you!

[sir robert peel]

A quick back ground. Ive been separated for over a year now and have been paying support for my three kids. 12, 14 17. After some discussion recently they have advsied me that they wish to live with me for 1/2 the time. This is what I want as well.. How difficult can my ex make it ? We are still working on our separtaion aggreement however the 4th draft has her being the primary parent in a joint situaition.
So my question out there is where do I stand on my wants and my children wants on us being a family unit half the time. Would I just start taking them for days or a week here and there and stop support even though we do not have a separtion agreement in place ?
As well Im a shift worker who works 4 on and four off. I suspect if we all want it to work we can make it work.
comments ????

rob

[FreeNow]

You're going to have a tough time sir robert. The status quo of the kids being with her will influence the court. However, the desires of children at those ages will also count.
It's a crapshoot.

FN

[billm]

Sir Robert Peel - be firm and consitent with both the ex and the kids. If your ex is reasonable talk it over with her, but it should not be her decision. The first year after separation is tough and it should not dictate the rest of your family life.

The kids should not be given the choice generally to move back and forth. It would be confusing and distruptive to them to have the power to chose where to live when things aren't going the way they want in one of the houses for example.

You both need to raise them and the best way is for them to live with both of you. I would make it clear to everyone that this is a permanent change and there will be no going back (unless everyone agrees, but the kids should not know that or you run the risk of being undermined by your ex or you doing it, or making the kids feel stuck somewhere thinking life would be better if they could just live with mom or just live with dad).

It really isn't a permanent change, it is going back to living with mom and dad equally (just in two houses). The last year was just a temporary change is how I would look at it.

Unfortunatley you may have to be political in your actions and words. If you suddenly hit the ex with the kids are moving out half the time and the money stops, she may feel threatened in many ways and then try to talk the kids out of it etc. Given that you seem to know what the kids want, you should now firm it up with the ex and not have the kids caught in the middle of any argument you may have over the move, money, or schedule.

If the kids want it and you want it, it is hard to imagine that she will refuse. Don't give in on money etc to make the deal. Be fair to both of you and deal with CS/SS as it fits the new situation.

Raise your kids in your own house, stay strong and it will happen. I am happy for you after what must have been a very tough year.

Good luck to you and your family.