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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2011, 11:02 PM
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Scrooged is on a distinguished road
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Thank you so much everyone

Reading all your comments has made me feel better than I have for a long while...I'm so happy I found this place.

I have a good lawyer(ithink lol) and I will pay her whatever it takes to fight this. I heard from a few people that a female lawyer may not be a good idea for me, what do you think about that?...(ie birds of a feather...) She seems like a smart lady.

It was not my idea to get lawyers involved in the first place but now I have no choice. My ex now has big dollar signs in her eyes and she will not be willing to negotiate with me.

It's so funny...If you work for a company for 20 years, contributing to the company's success and working your butt off, then one day they decide they don't need you anymore and you get fired, they don't have to support you for 20 years even though they got you used to a certain lifestyle, and then when you go to the goverment for unemployement insurance which you paid into for 20 years, they will pay you for 52 weeks and then it's done. I could go on but......

I have my meeting with the judge (forget what its called right now) scheduled in December.

Thanks again for your support and I will keep you all up to date...

Should I start writing this stuff in another place??
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-21-2011, 01:45 AM
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Location: Calgary, Alberta
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beebie is on a distinguished road
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A common law relationship is not a marriage and spousal support is not automatic. Although the two statuses do seem to be merging over time due to the large number of unmarried couples. Her claim would be constructive trust and unjust enrichment at which point her contribution to the relationship would be assessed (and paid out like damages). Other places on the forum probably deal extensively with this. You have a long relationship however so they will probably ask for lots and throw in the medical disability card hoping you'll cave.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-22-2011, 01:45 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: calgary
Posts: 190
pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
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get your self a good lawyer - get a reference from a man who had a positive experience , Sally or Jane's lawyer who cleaned 'him' out might
allow that to happen to you;

i too was attacked more than once, i was even told how to walk across the floor - not to mention what she did to the children

50/50 is in the 'Famly Law' brochure but can be practised very differently , i (common law) had all the debt for 3+ years while she drained all the CA$H from our family and business accounts, they avoided making her pay child support, though i put her through post secondary school 3 times and paid her $ every 2 weeks for the first year of separation they tried to get spousal support - at the end it was at least 65/35 in her favor and I had the children - its a long storey how they proceeded to turn the children over to her ...

I am in Calgary Alberta Canada the last stronghold of 'mothers only' Family
Law System
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 03:21 PM
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Location: Toronto
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Default My thoughts...

Regarding Spousal Support - since you don't have kids, and since there was clearly an expectation that you both work during marriage, it seems to me that SS should be non-compensatory, as she has not been financially disadvantaged by the marriage. As you describe it she was not a "stay at home homemaker". So yes.. you'll likely get ordered to pay SS to help her get on her feet, but it will likely be more towards the lower end of SSAG range, and lower end of SSAG duration. Simply put.. she will have an obligation to support herself as soon as possible. And keep in mind that SS payments are tax deductable, so they won't be "quite" as bad as you think. Don't get me wrong though.. my ex did the same as yours.. and effectively abandoned employment that was available to her. So I'm not at all sympathetic to your ex. But I do think you'll be expected to help her get on her feet. And you should be able to get the SS order to be time limited.

As for marital assets. If you both started with nothing, then she should be half of your net marital assets. It's the law. And it's fair.

Keep in mind that if the marital assets she ends up with are "liquid" (i.e. cold hard cash), and fairly divided, it should actually lower the arguement for spousal support.

Ultimately.. think about how mich it will be "WORTH" to you to have your ex sign off on ANY ADDITIONAL FUTURE SUPPORT. As BAD as it may taste NOW.. think how good it will feel to know that once you pay $xx for YY months.. then it's DONE!!! Finished !! Over !!

It's feel good won't it. Well.. likely anything else, that good feeling will cost a few bucks.

I'd have your lawyer make her a GOOD offer, and VERY SPECIFICALLY time limited, and see if you can't swing a deal before you waste too much on lawyers.

It's just business my friend. Just business. Try not to get too emotional about it. Remember, if you were in her shoes you'd likely do the same.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 03:31 PM
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I agree you want to put a time limit and "end date" on any SS (if indeed she gets any).

However, my understanding is that UNLIKE "married" couples equaliziation of assets is NOT automatic under common law. I believe the onus is on HER to prove she should be given some share (I'm assuming the assets are under your name). And even if "yes", I suspect it doesn't half to be 50% depending upon her contribution.

People think "common law" is same as married. While it is for CS and SS, it's NOT the same for equalization. Get a GOOD family law lawyer (hard to find lol) and protect your "ASSets" my friend.
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 03:46 PM
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Location: Toronto
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Default You make a good point...

My suggestions on split of Net Family Property were too strong, given that this was a common law union. I withdraw those suggestions and join previous poster in suggesting that split of property neds to be looked at differently given that parties were not married.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 11:53 PM
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I cannot thank you all enough for your insightful comments.

I already made my ex a reasonnable offer wich she agreed to at the time. However, once she saw her lawyer with the legal documents, they returned with a ridiculous claim for indefinate SS and 50% of all assets. My original offer was 50% of the equity in the home + 50G + continue to have her under my work insurance plan. Realistically to me, more than she deserves. But I want her to have a shot at rebuilding for herself.

My lawyer has put together a strong answer to her application and I'm hoping my ex will "grow up" once she sees it.

Thanks to your suggestions, I will ask my lawyer to include my original offer in my answer to the application, but this time, with a time limit to accept.

PS...Your right, once this is done I will breathe normal again. I'm also gonna have a big party. I have been lonesome and sad for far too long....

Thanks Again
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-28-2011, 12:18 AM
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How about taking the $50K and changing it to SS of $1500 a month for 48 months, or $1500/month for 24 months and $750/month for 48 months more. If you run the numbers, taking into account that the SS will be tax deductable to you, I think you'll see that it will still come out to about $50K total, but will be spread over time. Also, as she is undoutably taxed less than you, it'll be more $$ to her.

You may need to adjust these amounts to match your respective incomes (INDI etc).

Remember also that her request for "indefinate" SS does not mean "SS forever". It only means that no term is put on it yet, which means a return to court in future to try to put an end to it. So if you make an offer which has a declining SS over time, you might have a better shot of keeping the "declining" pattern to continue.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-28-2011, 10:52 AM
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RE the above pollsters comments....

Totally agree try and go for "periodic monthly" SS to get the tax deduction advantage especially if her marginal tax rate is less than yours. HOWEVER, is there a risk in "recognizing" SS that she might come back for more vs. having her "waive" SS and giving her a "farewell" gift of $50K ? Comments ?

While "indefinite" technically doesn't mean forever, the way Family Law seems to screw over guys I would go with assumption that it may very well be forever. I would fight like hell to get an end date on the effing thing (assuming you even go that route). The other problem with "indefinite" is that it seems to condemn you to never ending litigation which in and of itself is expensive. Of course, the bastards that designed this system know this full well.........
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2011, 09:10 PM
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Case conference is tomorrow. I am very anxious to put this nightmare behind me.
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