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Old 01-28-2013, 07:12 PM
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Default Hi Im new to this and need of answers

Hi I was served and only have a x number of days to respond. He is only asking for a divorce judgement and nothing else. However, there are a couple of things wrong with the papers. First he is way off on the dates, we married Aug 2008, I left in Feb of 2011 and fled to where my grown children live. He followed me and we briefly reconciled and then I left in Nov of 2011. He put that we ceased cohabiting in Feb of 2010. And secondly, my maiden name is spelled wrong. Do these matter.

So a little more, after we married it was like a switch and he got very controlling and abusive. He bullied and made me into a submissive scared little girl. He has a temper that went from 0 to 100 within seconds and anything and everything would trigger an outburst.

So he bullied me into changing all my banking info and I moved my banking info into his. So he controlled all the monies of what or did not get paid. Needless to say he paid his and neglected to pay mine and then say I hid all my bills from him. Now I have collections after me harrassing for monies. Just after we got married it came out he had collections after him so we dealt with that and he was able to get a build his credit on behave of me.

Like I said he is a bully and would do and say many discriminating things to keep me in my place. He would break stuff, always mine, and then proceed to throw me outside with my belongings. Like garbage. But then he says women are stupid and only for men to use as they please. And I mean sexually too.

So when we reconciled he managed to buy himself an older mobile trailer. I lived there for 4 months and I contributed to pay for half of fees. My name was not put on the title or bank loan just for the rental at trailer park cuz loan officer said that it would hurt his chances cuz my credit is so bad.

So I guess I am wondering if I can make him pay for my finincial woes, do I have any rights to his mobile trailer or do i suck it up and cut my losses and thank God that I was lucky to get out when I did. Personally I want him to pay big time just because of the way he was. He threaten me all the time Lots of times my arms had bruises to defend myself. I never did call authorities, I tried once and payed for it he broke my phone. Hes kicked me out of the house many times with all my belonging even in the winter with nothing on. He has left me stranded many times and with no money or food. We team drove,long haul, and left me at truck stops or places we picked product up.

I was his third wife he was my second. We have no children together. Thank goodness. We met in March or 2008 and married of August 2008. I thought he was a good strong christian with all the values i was looking for in a man. I really thought he was a gift and was totally blindsided. Like I said his temper and his need to control did not come out until after we got married.

Any advice would be appreciated even if I dont want to hear it. I just dont know what to do.
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Old 01-28-2013, 10:02 PM
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Default hi new to site

how long does it take to get your thread posted online
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Old 01-28-2013, 10:03 PM
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Instantly... Just like you did this one?
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Old 01-28-2013, 10:56 PM
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Took me 55 minutes to see it, but then I just logged in.

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Old 01-28-2013, 11:19 PM
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Ive posted a big long spill on here and I have not seen it as yet. Maybe it was too long and needs to get approval from moderators.
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Old 01-28-2013, 11:28 PM
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With apologies, for some reason your thread ended up needing approval. Not sure why but I went and approved it for you and will merge these two threads into one. Sorry about that!
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Old 01-28-2013, 11:31 PM
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Welcome to the forum denherm!
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Old 01-28-2013, 11:51 PM
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Thank you for the welcome and thank Blink for approving.
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Old 01-29-2013, 12:14 AM
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If you feel bullied by your ex, do you really feel that you can take this on alone without legal advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by denherm View Post
So I guess I am wondering if I can make him pay for my finincial woes
Depends on what you mean by "pay". You gave a list of bad things that he did, and I suspect that you want some sort of karmic retribution. Unfortunately, he will not be made to "pay" for the bad things he has done.

Now, if you have debts from the marriage, that is an entirely different issue. Essentially, if your (his, yours, joint) assets are greater than your debts, then everything will be split fairly.

eg.


Assets: 100k
His debt: zero
Your debt: 40k

Net assets are 100-40 = 60k, which means that you should each end up with 30k. You should end up with 70k of the assets, and keep the 40k of debt. If the assets cannot be split, they can be sold and divided up in the same way.


Now, if your debt exceeds your assets, then you could be in trouble, since debt that is in your name after assets have been distributed are yours to keep. Completely unfair, but that is family law for you.

eg.

Assets: 40k
His debt: zero
Your debt: 100k.

You get all the assets, and keep all the debt.


Quote:
Personally I want him to pay big time just because of the way he was.
Join the club. At least you don't have kids. Most of us have exes that we absolutely despise but that we have to deal with since we have children. You get to move on with your life, be thankful for that.

But, and this is important, he probably won't pay big. The pain (emotional and financial) of trying to make him pay will vastly exceed any satisfaction you might get.

Quote:
Any advice would be appreciated even if I dont want to hear it. I just dont know what to do.
I think given the dynamic you might have in your relationship, you should probably get a third party to deal with this. Retain a lawyer, and not the same lawyer as your ex. This probably won't go to court so the costs should not be excessive (by family law standards)
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Old 01-29-2013, 12:31 AM
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Quote by Janus "Join the club. At least you don't have kids. Most of us have exes that we absolutely despise but that we have to deal with since we have children. You get to move on with your life, be thankful for that."

YES.. Be very thankful for that ^

Welcome to this forum.

See about getting a free 1/2 hour consultation with a Divorce Lawyer. You are under no obligation to retain their services. Get legal advice.

Edit: I don't know where you live, and *don't* post that on here but try contacting Family Svcs or a women's shelter in your area - you can get a 2hr legal aid certificate which will give you the opportunity to speak with a lawyer free of charge. Please note: any lawyer you speak to on a certificate, or a duty counsel cannot be retained by you.

Last edited by hadenough; 01-29-2013 at 12:37 AM.
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