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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-03-2013, 11:44 PM
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Rioe,

My wife already had her transfer in before she talked to me. I know she wouldn't have done it if she talked to me first, but she half assed admitted, she didn't want to look foolish and pull her transfer after getting all that support and good advice from her fellow divorced co workers......
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2013, 12:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dice_jay View Post
Yeah, I think she's fully responsible for half the debt if not more. The problem is that she can't pay it. Even with my child support, she won't make it. I can actually get out of paying support all together (won't discuss why because of legalities) but I won't do that. As angry as I am with her, I can't let her starve, and I sure won't my daughter starve. Even if she agreed to pay half, they would come after me when she defaulted.
You don't need to pay her child support because your child doesn't live with her. Your child support should be going to the household where your daughter actually lives - with her boyfriend's mother. Or is there another child you haven't mentioned?

And if you do equalization right, you will end up with the entire debt, but balanced out by keeping more assets as well. So she won't have to worry about paying it, you don't have to worry about her defaulting, and she can feed herself no problem.

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Originally Posted by dice_jay View Post
As for spousal support, From the time my daughter was born until she was 12, we worked opposite shifts and shared all responsibility. She was never a stay at home mom, nor has our marriage ever effected her career in a negative way, she also has a college education (that I paid a collection agency about 3k to pay it off) So, I find it unlikely that she would get it anyway. I make 70k, she makes 24k...... so..... that may be a bit of an issue.
Maybe, but the onus is on her to prove she is entitled and needs spousal support, not on you to prove that she doesn't.

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Originally Posted by dice_jay View Post
I did meet up with a mortgage specialist today. When I gave a brief description as to what was going on, he came in on his week off to crunch numbers for me. He says he can pull it off, but it won't be easy, and that is if my wife will sign the papers she says she will. meaning that I pay her $400/month for 36 months instead of $650. That still puts me paying a lot more debt, and the interest to boot. According to my budget, that will leave me with $375/month (before any OT or bonuses, but you can't budget those things) for food,unexpected expenses and gas. Not a pretty picture, but that would give me the house, my truck, and my sled. I can do without my truck and sled, but if they are repossessed, then my credit is screwed anyway.
Okay, then get the higher mortgage solely in your name, use the extra to pay off ALL the debt, close all the joint accounts, and be a financially independent responsible spender from here on. Let your ex worry about herself. Why would you pay her $400 a month?

It sounds like you feel bad for the way the marriage ended, and still have feelings for your spouse, which is natural. But honestly, from your description, she is not reciprocating and hasn't for many years. You are now entering into a business arrangement, and have to leave the emotions out of it, or she'll walk all over you, make you pity her, and bleed you dry.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2013, 12:42 AM
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Dice-jay....

My understanding is the CS may NOT be payable IF the child is at least 16 years old and 'has withdrawn from parental control". PERHAPS given she is not living with either you or your ex she might fit this description ? Might be worth looking into....

Also, you note earlier you want to pay support to the child and your ex since you don't want to see them financially in trouble. While admirable, I would strongly suggest you try and AVOID any mandated support if you can. Now, there is nothing saying that if you avoid mandatory SS or CS that you can't still "voluntarily" give financial support to your daughter or ex.

You may not realize it, but typically CS is given to the custodial parent AND there is NO ACCOUNTABILITY as to how the recipient parent spends it. He/she could waste it at the casino and that is their "right". The government really doesnt' care if CS is actually used for the child. So, better to avoid CS (if you can) BUT then voluntarily pay the child support at your discretion. That way, you know your daughter is getting your financial support rather than your ex possibly (based on your earlier comments) spending the money foolishly on herself.
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Old 07-05-2013, 12:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
It sounds like you feel bad for the way the marriage ended, and still have feelings for your spouse, which is natural. But honestly, from your description, she is not reciprocating and hasn't for many years. You are now entering into a business arrangement, and have to leave the emotions out of it, or she'll walk all over you, make you pity her, and bleed you dry.
Thank you Rioe, I had a meeting this am with my lawyer and he gave me similar advice (though yours was free lol). A lot of us tend to fall into this trap and sadly, end up regretting it.

Dice, if you can possibly contribute to your Ex's well being and your daughter's in a non official way, I'd say go for it if it's possible. Battling over this in court may end up costing you more than you can actually afford.

Once lawyers are involved, many Ex's turn greedy. Amicable solutions are the way to go - it keeps you in control of your own finances.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 07-08-2013, 08:16 PM
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I'm trying to avoid any court order CS and lawyers as well.

Realistically, my house is worth about 145k, real estate guy said that on a short notice sale and not having time to get things done (flooring, (I have dry core down now after the wet basement incident) trim and some paint in the basement, fix the leaky faucets in the tub and re grout the tiles in the tub, it's not bad. If we sold now, we'd get about 140K minus real estate fees, mortgage penalty, and lawyer fees, that would bring us each about 9k in equity. We owe 50K in debt, so that's not too good. I made her an offer of $16 750 to sign off on her half of the house and said I would also take the debt over in my name, BUT, she is to pay me $8300 back in reduced support payments for the next 3 years. She took my proposal to her parents last night, and I haven't heard from her since. I think it's a pretty damned good offer myself. If I can get the financing I hope for, I will be at a deficit of about $400/month for a year, and after that I will start coming ahead. My calculations are based on no overtime (about 5k/year take home) and not including the 2 "extra" pays each year (paid bi weekly)

On the bright side, I called an old friend that is an industrial plumber. He doesn't like doing favors for friends or family, but when I explained what was happening (he's divorced once and lost 20k to a common law) he came right over and quoted me $70 for parts and no labour, when a different plumber quoted me $900 for the same thing. I was his supervisor many moons ago, and I always try to treat people the way they deserve, so it's nice to see karma working for me. I hope it keeps up!
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2013, 07:17 PM
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quick update, I got the financing I needed to keep the house (and my dog). Some numbers didn't add up right with some insurance and RRSP stuff, so instead of her owing me $8300, she'll owe me $3000. I'm pretty happy with that, and I think I was pretty fair in the whole thing, so I don't have a guilty conscience about it. Hopefully we will stay civil and logical until all the paperwork is signed. She signes the paperwork for a fair offer, and I keep my mouth shut about the school address. Empty threat of course because I just wouldn't do that to my daughter no matter how angry I am at my wife.
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