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Old 07-02-2013, 08:24 PM
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Default Hi all, new to the forums

Hi all! Not happy to be here considering the name of the forum, but happy all the same to see other people going through the same issues and having a place to read about other peoples experiences with them.

As for my relationship with my wife, we don't hate each other and never have (but that can change quickly when one of the partners needs money).

Long story short, we have been very good room mates for the last 10 years, we sleep in the same bed, vacation at times together. We have stayed in this for my daughter, right or wrong. My daughter is 17 now.

My daughter started dating a hockey player from a different town about 8 months ago. he was playing for a team in our town and my wife and daughter thought it would be a good idea for him to stay with us. I said no of course because they would be sleeping in the same bed (he is 19 an not in school or working other than hockey, and yes, he does get paid to play, but not much). Of course, I was over ruled and he moved in anyway. He got drafted to his home town in the OHL 6 months later, and my daughter decided to go live with him and his mother and finish school there. My wife of course knows this is a bad thing since they fight all the time now, and she often intervenes Saturday night around 2AM, so she decides to move to that town too so my daughter has a place to live if anything goes wrong. She gave me 3 weeks notice. We have 30k equity in the house (used to have much more, but I already remortgaged twice to pay off credit cards of hers that I didn't know she had (about 20k now) and now we have 50k in debt. I always kept to my wedding vows and overlooked these things, but now she wants to skip her half of the debt and have me pay all the debt and also pay her half of the equity in the house. I also have a 475 truck payment on top of all this (that she wanted me to buy)

Regardless, I'm pretty sure I'm responsible for all the debt according to the courts, and I make about 40k a year more than her.

When she told me she was leaving, she was talking about how she was going to Disney Land with her parents, and I could keep all the furniture because she was going to get new stuff, is going to buy a new car ......... She's out to lunch far more than I imagined! No wonder we're broke, she doesn't understand finances, and I'm clearly too stupid to put my foot down like I should have. Going through the bank statements, I find on average, $1100/month between Wal-Mart and grocery store. I think I'm screwed. Going to meet with a Mortgage specialist tomorrow to see if I can at least keep the house. Won't be able to keep my truck payments up though. If I could float it for 1 year, I could give it back with an $1800 penalty, but how much am I going to have to pay if it's repossessed?

I just rambled a whole lot. Sorry, just a lot of things going through my mind.
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Old 07-02-2013, 10:51 PM
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Welcome, DJ. Wow. Sounds like you've been hit put of the blue with a terrible surprise. I truly hope your separation will be amicable and without too much bickering. Please keep reading the forum - there are so many very knowledgeable and helpful people here.
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dice_jay View Post

I just rambled a whole lot. Sorry, just a lot of things going through my mind.

Greetings dice, I've been a member for a couple of weeks and have gained some much needed perspective by reading the posts.

No need for apologies, ramble on as much as you need to
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Old 07-03-2013, 08:21 AM
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Are you married or common law?

It has distinct differences regarding how things should be split.
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dice_jay View Post
Regardless, I'm pretty sure I'm responsible for all the debt according to the courts, and I make about 40k a year more than her..
You take the assets each of you had at the date of marriage, minus any debt.

You take the assets you have now, minus any debt.

You subtract the two, showing how much you accumulated during the marriage.

This amount is then split 50/50. There can be some other considerations, but this is the basic method. You are not responsible for the debt in the sense you fear. If you have that much debt in your name, then you subtract it from the value of the home and other assets, and the amount paid out to your STBX will be that much smaller.

Example:

Home: 300,000 value - 270,000 mortagage = 30k
Other Assets (RRSP, truck, etc.) 70k
Total Assets: 100k

Your Asset: 50k (50% of total)
Less: Credit card debt: 50k (presume it is all in your name)
Total: $0

Her Asset: 50k
Less: 0 (all debt is in your name)
Total: 50k

Result: She owes you $25k

In this scenario, presumably all the asset is staying in your hands, meaning you are staying in the house, keeping the truck, etc. So you pay her 25k to keep what is her share in your name. If you have RRSP, then they are transferable without paying income tax, and this would be the most sensible way to pay the equalization.
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Old 07-03-2013, 11:17 AM
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If they are common law there is no equalization of assets as Mess describes... that's why it was the first question I asked.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FightingForFamily View Post
If they are common law there is no equalization of assets as Mess describes... that's why it was the first question I asked.
2nd paragraph, 7th word - wife.

Dice, as Mess explained, there will be no "skipping" out of the ex's share of the debt. Has she brought up spousal support yet?

On the bright side, you only have the 1 daughter, who is now in her late teens -- child support/s7 tuition will end within the next 6 years.

Shop around with your mortgage specialists - the banks are offering some great rates. Check with your existing mortgage company re: prepayment penalties before you commit to anyone.

And the moment you leave the office of your mortgage specialist, get yourself to a lawyer's office so you can prepare yourself for what is to come. Have you thought about changing the locks?
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post


And the moment you leave the office of your mortgage specialist, get yourself to a lawyer's office so you can prepare yourself for what is to come. Have you thought about changing the locks?
He cannot do that as it is the matrimonial home. He has no right to lock her out. He needs to get exclusive possession to do that.
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:17 PM
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First of all, does your wife really consider that the marriage is ending, or does she just see herself as moving out temporarily for the benefit of your daughter? I don’t know if you’re not saying, but it sounds like you really need a long discussion with your wife before things move along irrevocably.

Four aspects to separation: Equalization, Child Custody, Child Access and Spousal Support.

Equalization – your ex-wife is still responsible for half the debt incurred over the course of the marriage. She can’t get out of it just by moving away. As Mess explained, you divide up the marital assets and debt fairly, so that each spouse leaves the marriage with the same net worth increase over the course of the marriage. The important thing for you both to understand is that her share of the house equity will have her half of the debt subtracted from it. You need to sit down and figure out your numbers, along the lines of Mess’ sample, to see what’s what.

Child Custody – decision-making about your daughter’s health, education and religion isn’t going to be an issue for very long, due to her age. In fact, she’s pretty much withdrawn from parental control already by moving in with her boyfriend. It should be joint unless you really want to wash your hands of your daughter.

Child Support – should be paid, by both you AND your ex-wife, based on your incomes, to the mother of the boyfriend, for as long as your daughter remains in school and resides there. It can stop when she turns 18 and/or graduates high school. After that, if she pursues post-secondary education, you can each support her directly, in amounts you desire. If she moves back in with one of you, then things might become more formal again.

Spousal Support – this is not automatic. Start from the basis that your wife has her own career, even if her income is less than yours, and is perfectly capable of supporting herself. Unless she made career sacrifices to benefit your own career advancement, or there was mutual agreement that she put her career on hold for raising your child, there’s no entitlement to it.

Close the joint accounts, close the joint credit cards, you pay your own bills in the marital home and she worries about all her own expenses in the new town. If you cannot afford the marital home on your own, you’ll have to sell it. But without your ex-wife’s crazy spending, even without her income, you may find yourself in a better financial position overall.

The most important thing in all of this is your daughter. Sounds like she’s head over heels for a guy who is all wrong for her. You say they fought all the time, and now that she’s out of your home you can’t be there for her as easily. Keep in good contact with her, because she’ll need you when the relationship ends (or if it gets more serious). Your ex-wife may even be doing a wise thing by moving closer to her so that there’s a stable home for her to go to if things go south, but also make sure your daughter knows that she is equally able to come back to you as well.
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:35 PM
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Wow! thanks for all the replies.
Going through my previous mortgages and refinances, I show I have already paid about 25k in debts she took on without my knowledge. I don't know why I kept doing it, but she picked me out of the gutter when I was 22, and for some stupid reason, I hold that close, and I just kept letting her get away with it. Every time, I thought she learned a lesson. Apparently, neither of us did.

Yeah, I think she's fully responsible for half the debt if not more. The problem is that she can't pay it. Even with my child support, she won't make it. I can actually get out of paying support all together (won't discuss why because of legalities) but I won't do that. As angry as I am with her, I can't let her starve, and I sure won't my daughter starve. Even if she agreed to pay half, they would come after me when she defaulted.

As for spousal support, From the time my daughter was born until she was 12, we worked opposite shifts and shared all responsibility. She was never a stay at home mom, nor has our marriage ever effected her career in a negative way, she also has a college education (that I paid a collection agency about 3k to pay it off) So, I find it unlikely that she would get it anyway. I make 70k, she makes 24k...... so..... that may be a bit of an issue.

I did meet up with a mortgage specialist today. When I gave a brief description as to what was going on, he came in on his week off to crunch numbers for me. He says he can pull it off, but it won't be easy, and that is if my wife will sign the papers she says she will. meaning that I pay her $400/month for 36 months instead of $650. That still puts me paying a lot more debt, and the interest to boot. According to my budget, that will leave me with $375/month (before any OT or bonuses, but you can't budget those things) for food,unexpected expenses and gas. Not a pretty picture, but that would give me the house, my truck, and my sled. I can do without my truck and sled, but if they are repossessed, then my credit is screwed anyway.
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