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Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2012, 07:39 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Toronto (GTA)
Posts: 10
sandrac is on a distinguished road
Default Hi!

Hi everyone, I'm brand new to this forum and the whole separation thing.

My husband and I had the talk last week and we're talking to the kids this weekend.

We're trying to work amicably and do what's best for everyone. Since this was his idea, I'm more thrown for a loop than he is, but I'll get past it.

The best way to describe the situation is that I have a broken marriage but not a broken heart. This has been a long time coming. I'm anxious to get things moving toward a happier life.

We have two kids, aged 16 and 15, and a dog. I'll get full custody of the dog, the rest we'll share.

Looking forward to interacting with everyone here.

Cheers,
Sandra
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2012, 07:46 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
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standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
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welcome to the board!! You seem to have a very postive outlook on your situation and that is a good thing. You have accepted that joint custody is best for the kids so kudos to you for that. Not many people get that it seems.

Try to keep the lawyers out of it as much as possible and settle things the way you and your soon to be ex want it done. It can be done quite painlessly if you guys keep your wits around you and decide what is best, dont let the lawyers decide or you will be looking at huge legal bills. Save that money for a nice vacation or an RESP for the kids.
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Old 11-01-2012, 08:02 PM
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sandrac is on a distinguished road
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Thanks for the welcome!

I'm really hoping my husband will agree to try the Collaborative Divorce approach. We'll discuss it soon. I suppose there's probably a thread somewhere on here where others have chimed in on the topic. I'll spend some time looking around.
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Old 11-01-2012, 09:21 PM
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Originally Posted by sandrac View Post
Hi everyone, I'm brand new to this forum and the whole separation thing.

My husband and I had the talk last week and we're talking to the kids this weekend.
You may want to consider talking to a professional about how to break it to your children. They may not even be surprised as they are 15 and 16. But, you do want to do it in the right way and if you are working with a therapist with your partner the therapist may have some great ideas to assist in telling the kids.

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Originally Posted by sandrac View Post
We're trying to work amicably and do what's best for everyone. Since this was his idea, I'm more thrown for a loop than he is, but I'll get past it.
Everyone does get over it. What will benefit you the most is to not "fight" about it but, to truly "get past it". Sure, you won't agree on everything but, the last thing you want to do is "fight" about it.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are already moving in the right direction to a calm and proper settlement to matters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sandrac View Post
The best way to describe the situation is that I have a broken marriage but not a broken heart. This has been a long time coming. I'm anxious to get things moving toward a happier life.
It does take time. The process of seperation and divorce isn't "fast" to say the least. But, if you are willing to compromise, understand what a fair compromise is... Then you shouldn't have any issues and it will go much faster than what most people (who go through the courts) experience.

90% of seperations and divorces are done by agreement and without ever involving the court. Keep that in the back of your mind and you will do fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sandrac View Post
We have two kids, aged 16 and 15, and a dog. I'll get full custody of the dog, the rest we'll share.

Looking forward to interacting with everyone here.

Cheers,
Sandra
If you haven't retained a lawyer you should consider one. Just to advise you at minimum. There are some really odd and complex elements of Family Law when it comes to asset separation and a lawyer can be of great benefit.

Lawyer doesn't mean that you have to go to court. The vast majority of lawyers are settlement focused and not litigation centric. When looking for a lawyer look for someone who settles matters, is calm, cool and collected and is HONEST with you.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 11-01-2012, 09:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sandrac View Post
Thanks for the welcome!

I'm really hoping my husband will agree to try the Collaborative Divorce approach. We'll discuss it soon. I suppose there's probably a thread somewhere on here where others have chimed in on the topic. I'll spend some time looking around.
I highly recommend it but, one of the pitfalls to Collaborative Divorce is the cost. It can be expensive to go through the process if it does fail. I am a strong believer in collaborative solutions.

Take a look at Dr. Barbara Landau's website. At minimum you can find a professional that has been trained by Dr. Landau or leverage her services directly as a mediator/arbitrator. She literally "wrote the book" on Collaborative Law.

Welcome to Cooperative Solutions: A better way to resolve conflicts through mediation and training in Toronto and the GTA.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2012, 11:26 PM
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sandrac is on a distinguished road
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Thanks for the advice, Tayken!

It's a process, that's for sure. One day at a time.
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