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Old 01-09-2017, 09:35 PM
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Hi, my nickname is "loamlump." I live in Central Ontario with 2 children (now 17 and 9, one has severe anxiety disorders and the youngest has Autism). Like all of you, I am going through the process of separation and divorce. It is with great relief to read some of the threads here, and realize I am not alone. I became separated in June 2011 when I called 911; my husband of 12 years threatened to slit my throat in front of the kids. When he went outside for a cigarette, I took the opportunity to shut & lock the door, and pick up the phone. This act ended 12 years of abuse of me and the children.

After 5 years in and out of the Legal Aid and Court systems, I've paid out $10,000.00 and am currently, officially still Separated, with a Judge's temporary Order for full custody (he was granted 8 hours a week, Sundays, visitation) of the kids and possession of the Matrimonial home (we both are on the deed and mortgage). He was ordered to pay $500 a month child support. No Spousal support was asked for. I have been disabled with back problems since 1998, and receive Ontario Disability.

Once the Threatening Charge was dealt with, M disappeared for 2 years. I heard news of him through my in-laws, while his mother went into her final illness and then passed in December 2011. It was revealed that he had had a series of lovers since my initial back injury in '98. Once his mother's estate was settled, M disappeared to all until September 2013, when he called me, asking to see the children. I ended up having to take him to court to get rid of him by May 2014. Throughout that time we never resumed or reconciled as he never gave up his girlfriend... It was a intense period of my life.

Around August of 2014, M went into hiding again. He has not filed income taxes, closed his bank account, stopped coming around on Sundays, moved and otherwise dropped off the face of the Earth. He has never paid any child support, or even bothered to send a birthday card to either child. This year at Christmas, our daughter tried to call him, only to learn his cell number is not in service.

There are so many facets of my situation I am wondering which forum to start in, or if I should just lump everything together in this thread. I have questions about custody, the mortgage, next steps and so much more. I am tired of living in limbo and I hope that you people here may have the knowledge and experience I lack.
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Old 01-10-2017, 09:21 AM
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I would lump it into this thread.

1. If you have an order for CS then you should file it with the family responsibility office (in Ontario) and have them do the collection. They have the means and legal ability to not only locate the other parent but garnish income and tax returns but, they can remove passports and drivers licenses.

2. With regards to the matrimonial home do you have "exclusive possession" of the home?

3. You can file for divorce and go through the process of an uncontested trial if the other party doesn't show.

Good Luck!
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Old 01-10-2017, 10:10 PM
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I did file with FRO, who, after 6 months, said he claimed no income and they couldn't collect. Unless I gave them evidence he is working, which I physically cannot do. He was a roofer and it's all he knows how to do. If he's still with the other woman, he could be in another city.

Yes, on the Judge's Temporary Order, I have exclusive possession of the house. But his name is still on the title and mortgage. When the mortgage is due for renewal, next March, what do I do if I cannot find him? I no longer am with Legal Aid. After 5 years and $10,000, the lawyer finally told me Legal Aid doesn't "do" divorce.

But if he can't be served? He hasn't surfaced for 2 years, not even for his children. Where do I even begin to find him to serve him?
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Old 01-15-2017, 09:58 PM
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I assume he has equity (shared) in the home? No expert in this sort of separation, but could the following questions be asked of your lawyer?

1) His equity in home could be used as payment toward unpaid CS? If so and CS is more than remaining equity; you would have 100% of equity thus should have full title.

2) In family law is there an abandonment clause? Where he loses all access to assets and children due to walking away? I know abandonment would give you full custody.....but no idea on assets....I assume so. But a lawyer should be asked.

Your going to know where you stand when the bank comes around when mortgage renewal is required.

Good luck.
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Old 01-15-2017, 10:24 PM
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Newfie76 I think you have an excellent point of view on this situation.

Here is an older case (2007) which is similar to the poster's position and may guide her in what she needs to do. I'm sure there are more recent cases but this one seems to fit. Of course it would be beneficial to her that she keeps her legal costs to a minimum. (Too bad she didn't claim spousal support at the time of separation).

http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc...resultIndex=14


In summary, a judge could indeed award her an unequal share of the equity of the matrimonial home for unpaid child support.
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Old 01-16-2017, 08:26 AM
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This all makes logical sense to me, and I hope it plays out as in the case you cited, Arabian.

Based on the Order of $500 a month CS, by the time the mortgage comes up for renewal, he will owe $36,000, which is much more than his equity share. Without financial disclosure for 2011, 12, 13, 14, 15 & 16, it is difficult to guesstimate what his income has been, but I hazard to say it could only have went up. I received a call just this past Friday from a sheet metal company, calling to receive his product order for the month. He must be working.

The children are both Special Needs, the eldest with several anxiety disorders, the most severe being Social. He is afraid of any and every situation involving people outside his family circle. If I had the money, he would benefit from professional therapy. He is nearly 18 (July), so I am no longer fearful his father, whom he is very afraid of, can seek and obtain custody of.

The youngest child is on the Autism Spectrum with cognitive and developmental delays. There are many professional assessments that suggest she suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (a result of living with her father and her cognitive state. When she remembers an event she reacts as if it just occurred, re-living the emotional reaction). At nearly 10 years, she is functioning at a 6 year old's level. L is a very complex child, and although I have been the primary care giver since her birth, I am still learning how to help her. I have established a support network for her and I with 3 outside agencies and at present she is experiencing a high point that is crucial to keep up. If her father were ever to obtain custody, I know all the supports and current therapies would be cancelled, as he always claimed there was nothing wrong with her, that she was just a "bad" kid. The danger lies in her ability to forgive at the drop of a smile. If father should show up at the door today with an offer of McDonald's, she'd go. The last time they interacted, he was 2 hours late for the visitation pick up time. We (L and I) had been talking about a friend of her brother's who had some drug issues. When M finally showed up, L blurted out, "Are you on drugs?" Her father slammed the car door and left without a word, with L sobbing in the driveway.

I fear for my daughter most of all. Should he come forth and demand the house be sold, I can make a good home out of a dog house. But both kids would be fully aware of why we were forced to leave the only home they have ever known. Custody must remain with me, if L is ever going to be a functional member of society. Above all, she must be protected from her father's harsh discipline and ignorant parenting skill.

I have worked very hard to keep us in our home, working to reduce the mortgage payment (when my mother died, I put the entire inheritance of $25,000 on the house) to $350 a month. That is the only reason why we are still able to live here. The last time the mortgage was renewed, we were still in contact, and he included his CS payments in the income assessments. When he was asked about the possibility of selling the house, he told the bank agent that we would re-visit the issue when L was 18 years old.

If he plans on resurfacing in 8 years, based on that $500 a month, $84,000 would be owed in CS payments! And the custody issue would be void.
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Old 01-21-2017, 12:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
(Too bad she didn't claim spousal support at the time of separation).
Really?

#1) Marriage to a man is not a lottery win!
#2) Any Woman who thinks a man MUST pay Spousal Support, is a woman who believes in the first statement and/or feels she is not equal to man and that she is TOO weak to care for herself. Therefore, requires a man to continuously take care of her.
#3) If the latter is true, a woman who can not care and support her self requiring income to come from a man....surly can not support a family, therefore should not be fit to take care of children!
#4) Spousal is only a means for the government to wash their hands of people that can not take care of themselves. Hence why one can not divorce financially.
#5) It takes a big person to say they support equal rights...takes a bigger person to turn away spousal support.
#6) A whooping 89 percent of divorced children resent the parent who received spousal support from the other parent. Karma is a bitch!!

Loamlump most likely is a strong independent woman who can take care of herself and her family.....

Loamlump...your ex is clearly a lowlife....good for you to take care of things yourself...stay independent!
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Old 01-21-2017, 02:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newfie76 View Post
Really?

#1) Marriage to a man is not a lottery win!
#2) Any Woman who thinks a man MUST pay Spousal Support, is a woman who believes in the first statement and/or feels she is not equal to man and that she is TOO weak to care for herself. Therefore, requires a man to continuously take care of her.
#3) If the latter is true, a woman who can not care and support her self requiring income to come from a man....surly can not support a family, therefore should not be fit to take care of children!
#4) Spousal is only a means for the government to wash their hands of people that can not take care of themselves. Hence why one can not divorce financially.
#5) It takes a big person to say they support equal rights...takes a bigger person to turn away spousal support.
#6) A whooping 89 percent of divorced children resent the parent who received spousal support from the other parent. Karma is a bitch!!

Loamlump most likely is a strong independent woman who can take care of herself and her family.....

Loamlump...your ex is clearly a lowlife....good for you to take care of things yourself...stay independent!

Karma is indeed a bitch to those who run and hide. Your position that women are merely "breeders" is noted. Tax-payors (the government) should not have to look after people (with severe medical issues) who are abandoned, left raising the sperm-donor's children. However, we are a compassionate society and yes ex-spouses and children of deadbeats are cared for by tax-payors.

Marriage to a woman is a privilege and what comes with that is a moral and LEGAL responsibility. If you don't agree then don't get married and don't have children.
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Old 01-21-2017, 06:33 PM
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With respect to one of the OP's questions - how can she serve papers when she hasn't seen ex for two years and doesn't know where he is - she can request an order for substituted service. This means that she would have to prepare an affidavit saying that she can't find the ex, what steps she has taken to try to find him, and what an alternative to serving the papers on him personally might be (e.g. sending papers to his mother, leaving them on his car, sending them to his last known workplace, etc). If the order is granted, the OP can proceed with her divorce (and possibly with other matters, like the mortgage renewal, but I'm not sure about that) even if she can't locate her ex. The exact procedure for an order for substituted service varies by province, but this is something that a clerk at the courthouse should be able to help with.
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Old 01-22-2017, 12:04 AM
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Does anyone know how many years must pass to have a legal "abandonment" case? Like 5 years? I may be a "breeder" and living off taxpayer/government handouts, but I'm no fool. I am doing the best I can with what I have. The children come first, and are my responsibility. I am my own responsibility. The goals are to raise both children to be independent, fully functioning, contributing members of society, and for me to reduce/eliminate our dependency on governmental/taxpayer handouts.

I want to use the equity in the house to renovate-establish a 2 bedroom apartment in the basement of our house, which would get us off welfare permanently. I cannot access the equity in the house without his consent and signature, firstly because I can't find him, and secondly he wouldn't sign if I asked. If I could trade the owed child support payments for him removing himself from the deed and mortgage, then I'd have the green light to accessing the equity.

I wouldn't want to seek him out until the time requirement is fulfilled for abandonment, . I would think the easiest way would be to trace him through the driver's license, but I think I lawyer would have to do that? His mother died in 2011 and his siblings lost contact with him after the estate was settled.
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