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Old 11-08-2011, 09:31 PM
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Default He doesn't want a divorce

This is my first time posting in this forum and am hoping someone can help me understand why my husband doesn't want to give me a divorce.

6 months ago I came home to a note saying that my husband of 23 years was gone and starting a new life. He moved in with his girlfriend of 3 years. We had had some issues in our marriage with this woman a few years back but my husband reassured me there was nothing going on and that he loved me and would never leave me or cheat on me. Since he walked out the door I have found out that they were in fact having an affair for 3 years. He has not spoken to or faced me since the day he walked out. The legal process started shortly after he left and my lawyer has started divorce proceeding but my husband refuses to agree to divorce he does not want a divorce only a legal seperation. Why would he not want a divorce. He cheated on me didn't even have the balls to talk to me about leaving just left a note. There is no chance of getting back together. He has fought me on every issue that has come up legally. He is disposing of and selling assets. I just want to settle this fairly and divide everything and move on. He wants no contact with our adult children or our grandchildren. He feels he should have all the assets that we own that I should have nothing. I don't understand how someone that you are married to for 23 years can walk out and be so angry and unfair to the person left behind
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:42 PM
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My ex has said something similar, that he's happy with the separation and doesn't feel a need to move on to the divorce. I always felt it was one last twinge of Catholic guilt or something, like as long as the divorce wasn't finalized, the marriage wasn't completely over and he wasn't a sinner. Or possibly some sense of laziness that he has no intention of ever getting married again, so why bother going through the trouble. Failing completely to realize, of course, how this makes me (and you) feel.

But fortunately, it's not up to him. Once you've been separated for a year, you have grounds for divorce and his refusal to participate won't stop the process.

The rest, I don't have much insight on, sorry. Sounds like he was slowly changing, unbeknownst to you, and has chosen to blame you for the whole marriage breakdown. It's not much of a jump to go from there to not wanting to share anything with you, especially with a lawyer encouraging him.
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:47 PM
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get your lawyere on the selling of assets. I am dealing with this as well. no one is supposed to dissapate assets.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:03 PM
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I agree with the twinge of Catholic guilt part Rioe. He feels he has done nothing wrong and there is no need to divorce. I am happy to hear that after a year his refusal won't stop the divorce.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:10 PM
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TMAC I have contacted my lawyer and printed the ads and gave them to him. My husband has done so many things since he left my lawyer says he is painting himself into a corner. I have proof of all the assets as I took pictures of everything that we owned which my lawyer also has. I also have people who are willing to sign affidavits saying what was left on the property when I moved out. Me staying in the home had become a safety issue. I was no longer safe there. How do you handle the emotion that goes along with them dissipating assets. It makes me so mad that he is trying to screw me after all this
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:23 PM
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kinda personal I will pm you
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:40 PM
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You might not even have to wait a year - talk to your lawyer. There are a couple of reasons that a divorce can be fast-tracked and adultry is one of them.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inseperationhell View Post
You might not even have to wait a year - talk to your lawyer. There are a couple of reasons that a divorce can be fast-tracked and adultry is one of them.
True, but I believe there is a burden of proof in this case. It could be less painful to just wait the rest of the year.
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:44 PM
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Actually it is funny that you say that inseperationhell (love that name btw) my lawyer mentioned that to me that we don't have to wait a year. That was before my husband reponded with not wanting the divorce though
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by runaway View Post
Me staying in the home had become a safety issue. I was no longer safe there.
Hmmmmmmmm.... This *appears* to contradict what you said in your 1st post.

My advice as you move ahead would be to stick to the facts.

Whether he wants a divorce or not is immaterial: If you want one, you will get one. If you cannot agree on division of debts and assets, someone will decide this for you... He doesn't have to consent to anything and is only missing out on an opportunity to do it the cheap, easy, and less-painless way now.

Cheers!

Gary
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