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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-14-2015, 01:36 AM
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Default Great Site... My Story

Hi Everyone,

Short story...
  • One morning last summer, I told my partner that I called a lawyer regarding our deteriorating relationship -- she immediately started shouting that "there is too much violence in the house." (there's never been violence of any kind in our household)
  • I left for work later that morning dumbfounded about her claims.
  • I found out that she had called the Police after I left for work. She had made a claim of "domestic violence." She moved most of hers and the toddler's items out of the house, while I was at work, that same day.
  • Children's Aid got involved automatically because she made a domestic violence claim to the Police.
  • She initially refused to let me see my child. In the court documents, she claimed that I had 'ADHD' and according to her that meant that I could not be a good father. (I don't have ADHD btw)
  • She suffers from both an anxiety disorder and a major depressive disorder. She lied to the court about not having any mental disorders. However, she left plenty of her prescriptions and psychotherapy documents behind that prove otherwise.

I wish I had found this site before she was able to claim status quo custody. Looking back, I now realize that she had used every stalling tactic in the book until she was able to 'claim' status quo custody of our toddler.

I'm still stunned at how people can get away with bogus claims of domestic violence. Only after she had obtained status quo custody of our toddler did she back down from her claims of violence. Instead, she simply stated that she had meant 'psychological violence and not physical violence' WTF !!?!

...all that said .... it's been a frustrating, uphill battle ever since she left with our toddler... the first Case Conference coming up next week...

Cheers Everyone,

James
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Old 01-14-2015, 07:07 AM
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Welcome to the wonderful world of family law. Buckle your seatbelt and brace yourself.

This is not status quo. This is forced status quo. Is there a record of you asking for access?

What do you have for documented evidence? Psychological violence is still domestic violence. Do you have evidence of her going from "physical" to "mental" abuse? That would be a great start.

What's your history? Any police involvement .. ever with her or other women?

Do you see your toddler? If so how often? Supervised?

Have you requested to see your child where you can prove "access denials"?

I wouldn't go too far on the depression card, unless you believe in your heart that it really affects her ability to parent. My own opinion is that if you've really done nothing and she unilaterally removes a child and denies access to obtain status quo, she isn't a fit parent But that's just me. You'll find plenty here who disagree with me.

Is she claiming any emotional harm (or any harm of any kind) from you towards the child?

Do you have a copy of the police report? You need that. Are you the Respondent ( I think you are right?). Go over every allegation on her Application and find inconsistencies between that, the police report and the CAS report.

Let her go to town on the ADHD thing. Digging her own hole there.

I'm seeing this more and more. I may even have a little experience going through it. Stick around.

Also, if that's your real name Id suggest you contact the moderators and have that changed pronto.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-14-2015 at 07:23 AM.
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:30 AM
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As long there is no FINAL COURT ORDER saying she has sole custody/primary residence - everything is still salvageable. Buckle Up, its going to be one hell of a ride - prepare to see the underbelly of Canadian civility.....
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Old 01-14-2015, 09:25 AM
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"I'm still stunned at how people can get away with bogus claims of domestic violence."

And I'm still stunned at how people who do commit domestic violence get bogus sentences - it works both ways. Family law is unfair, there's no guarantee that you will get the justice that you are looking for.

In your case she has no proof of anything, there is no established "pattern" of
violence, no police records that she can use against you - nothing.

It will take a while to sort this all out but you have as much rights to parent your child (children) as she does. Do you have a lawyer and if yes what has he/she done so far to remedy this "status quo"?
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Old 01-14-2015, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Welcome to the wonderful world of family law. Buckle your seatbelt and brace yourself.
"This is not status quo. This is forced status quo. Is there a record of you asking for access?"
Yes there is a record of my asking for access. She relented after several mediation sessions.


"What do you have for documented evidence? Psychological violence is still domestic violence."
Thankfully, we had been seeing couple's therapist once a week for 8 months. There was no psycological abuse. There was no physical abuse.

We are at the couples therapist because she hasn't taken any of her anxiety medication during her pregnancy and while she's been breastfeeding. She's was a great partner on meds. However, it's been very difficult for us to communicate while she's been off of her meds.


"Do you have evidence of her going from "physical" to "mental" abuse?"
Children's aid confronted her with statements from the couple's therapist. The therapist stated that no psychological or physical abuse was ever mentionned during sessions where were both present, nor during the one-on-one sessions.

"What's your history? Any police involvement .. ever with her or other women?"
No police history ever with anyone.

"Do you see your toddler? If so how often? Supervised?"
She finally relented after several mediation sessions. I see him 3 times per week -- supervised

"Have you requested to see your child where you can prove "access denials"?"
In these cases, either the mediator or the lawyers have gotten involved and forced her hand e.g., she did not want to let me see him on Father's Day. At the time, the mediator gave her some strong advice regarding 'special days' like Mother's/Father's Day.

"I wouldn't go too far on the depression card"
I am not playing the depression card. However, I found it ironic that she has falsely claimed that I have ADHD while she herself suffers from both an anxiety and depression disorder.

"Is she claiming any emotional harm (or any harm of any kind) from you towards the child?"
No.

"Do you have a copy of the police report?"
Yes

"Are you the Respondent ( I think you are right?)."
No, I started the process when she abrubtly quit mediation.

Let her go to town on the ADHD thing. Digging her own hole there.
-This was my lawyer's advice as well

"Also, if that's your real name Id suggest you contact the moderators and have that changed pronto"
Definitly NOT my real name... but thanks for your concern.

Thanks you for the advice too,

James
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Old 01-14-2015, 02:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
[I]"I'm still stunned at how people can get away with bogus claims of domestic violence."?
"And I'm still stunned at how people who do commit domestic violence get bogus sentences"

I have older sisters -- I have definitely seen that unfortunate side of the law.

"In your case she has no proof of anything, there is no established "pattern" of
violence, no police records that she can use against you - nothing."
Correct, no proof of anything, no patterns, no police record... nada...The couple's therapy records support this -- thank goodness for the 8 months of couples therapy sessions that directly preceded her disappearance!

In her response to my intiating the separation, her "strongest" accusations are the following
  • He has ADHD and cannot be a good father because of it
  • Sometimes I don't take our toddler for walks when she wants me too
  • That I was in foster care and a juvenile delinquent and that my difficult childhood precludes my ability to be a good father (not sure how long it took her to cook that one up)

"Do you have a lawyer and if yes what has he/she done so far to remedy this "status quo"?"
I have a lawyer. She has been able to ensure that I have proper access to my child. This case is being 'fast tracked' because of a situation where she put our child at substantial risk.

Financials, support, division of property have already been agreed upon by the lawyers.

Child-related issues are all that remain.

Case conference is next week.

Thanks,

James
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Old 01-14-2015, 02:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Buckle Up, its going to be one hell of a ride - prepare to see the underbelly of Canadian civility.....
Hi,

I am definitely NOT happy with what I've seen so far.

But, I'm patient.

Thanks,

James
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Old 01-14-2015, 06:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by James Grinsol View Post

In her response to my intiating the separation, her "strongest" accusations are the following
  • He has ADHD and cannot be a good father because of it (ridiculous)
  • Sometimes I don't take our toddler for walks when she wants me too (OMG! you are the devil!!!, the shame, the shame....again ridiculous)
  • That I was in foster care and a juvenile delinquent and that my difficult childhood precludes my ability to be a good father (not sure how long it took her to cook that one up) if she uses this kind of "evidence" in court, she's digging her own grave.
None of the above is going to amount to anything more than mud-slinging and will probably make her appear high-conflict - nothing for you to worry over.


"Do you have a lawyer and if yes what has he/she done so far to remedy this "status quo"?"
I have a lawyer. She has been able to ensure that I have proper access to my child. This case is being 'fast tracked' because of a situation where she put our child at substantial risk.

Financials, support, division of property have already been agreed upon by the lawyers.

Child-related issues are all that remain.

Case conference is next week.

Thanks,

James
I predict that you will do very well, good luck with your case!
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:19 PM
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OP, are you using your real name here? If so, you may wish to change it, because anyone who feeds your name into Google will come up with this thread. Send a PM to one of the moderators for info on how to do this.
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
OP, are you using your real name here? If so, you may wish to change it, because anyone who feeds your name into Google will come up with this thread. Send a PM to one of the moderators for info on how to do this.
Hi,

I am not using my real name. However, I will ask the OP to change it to something that doesn't look like a name.

Thanks for your concern.

Last edited by blinkandimgone; 01-14-2015 at 09:03 PM. Reason: the voices told me to..
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