Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Introductions

Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 10:25 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default First Post from my world

My first post. Will likely post both questions of my own here as well as responses to some of the questions of others.

Some notes about me:
. male aged 58, going through second divorce, university educated
. income 87,000
. two adult children from first marriage
Both university graduates, debt free, independant
Children resided with mother.
All my support obligations paid in full years ago
. two daughters aged 15 and 10 from second marriage
Both healthy, gifted, responsible, well adjusted

Some notes about my ex
. aged 45, born in Taiwan, college and university educated in Canada
. intentionally unemployed, except for multi-level marketing sales
. Likely hiding whatever income she makes
. I would argue income of $40,000+ should be imputed

Some notes about the marriage
. Married 1994
. Separated 2006
. NON traditional marriage
- ex worked in the business we both own (office manager)
- 1 year maternity leave for both kids

And the weirdest part.. we (all 4) continue to reside in Matrimonial home, together with adult sister of my ex, for reasons as follows:
- For me.. will not leave and prejudice joint custody. My kids need me.
- For the ex... She can't afford to leave. Refuses to work
- For her sister.. I wanted her out for years, but both ex and sister refuse
- High debt at date of separation means x and I could not have kept two residences even if we wanted to. I have (without help from ex) reduced this debt by more than 1/2 since separation.

Atmosphere at home is civil, without much animosity, but also without much "warmth".

I pay all housing costs, and buy/prepare 50% of kids meals, and pay all doctors, glasses, dentist, 50% school expenses, 50% clothing, kids allowances and $4000/year to RESP to save for university. Ex pays 50% of food, school expenses and clothing.

We are both self represented. Owned a small and heavily indebted software company at date of separation and legal costs if we slug it out would be more than either can afford.

We have separation agreement on all but the most major issues of CS, SS, custody, access, NFP. For example we agreed on value of most assets/liabilities at date of marriage and separation (only house and mortgage remain). We agreed kids will reside in Canada. Doesn't sound like much but the agreements we DO have simplify the remaining issues quite a bit.

Even without agreement I've been paying CS (on shared custody basis, with setoff, based on imputed income by ex, table levels).

That's enough for now.

Not expecting responses.. This was written is an introduction.
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 11:52 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 485
staysingle is on a distinguished road
Default

Hi,
Separated since 2006? What has been the daily routine for the last 5 years?
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 02:42 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default Response was attempted...

.. but got deleted somehow in the bits and bytes of my computer or this forum. It was a detailed response, which I hadn't saved. This response is to see if I can post without losing it. The full response will need to come this evening if I can.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 02:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default Ahh. Good...

My reply attampt didn't get deleted this time.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 02:59 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default Daily Routine - During School Term

During the school term the daily routine depends on who we are talking about, as follows:

ME - Up around 6am, working in home office. Early morning grocery shopping if needed for school lunches. If I'm not away for business, which varies, I ussually work through the day till about 5pm (or 3pm if I'm picking my 10 year old from school). Cook dinner 3+ school nights a week for myself and the kids. Evenings spent variously reading, TV, chores, online. Usually asleep by 11pm.

The EX - Up around 7.30am, takes 10 year old to school and drops 15 year old to TTC. Not sure what she does all day. Sometimes volunteers at the kids school. Seldom comes home in day. But also not working full time either.

10 year old - up at 7.30-ish.. off to school at 8 with mom.. school (GR5) till 3.30.. home by 5 (either mom or dad).. House rule is "homework before electronics" so she starts on homework.. She's pretty bright and doesn't have trouble doing it IF she's motivated that day. Motivation for homework goes up and down month by month and dad ussually stays on top of it (and established email contact with teacher for same reason). 10 year old likely has ADD.. and is gifted (though not yet tested). Dinner ussually around 6.30pm with either mom or dad (dad has sit down dinner around table - mom gives the kids a plate and they each retreat to own space). Ussually on computer after dinner. Asleep ussually by 10pm-ish. Seldom watches any TV at all. Good grades.

15 year old - up at 7.30-ish.. off to school (GR10) at 8 with mom (dropped to TTC). School will 3.30.. ussually hangs around after school for an hour after school.. sometimes after school club.. sometimes coffee at Timmies.. TTC home.. Seldom arriving after 6pm.. never late. 90% of time she advises arrival time by sms. 100% self motivated about homework. Only assistance needed is in the form of "intellectual debate" or "which course should I take" more than "I need help with this math question". Never watches TV. 50% helpful with chores such as dishes, clean room, vaccum floors. Good grades.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 04:54 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 485
staysingle is on a distinguished road
Default

Can you continue with the aforementioned schedule for another 2 to 4 years.

It may very well be the best for your kids and you.

If she gets a lawyer involved, they will likely turn everyones world inside out within a one or two years.

Heading into family court at 58 will be brutal on you.

As one experienced family lawyer told me " if your married stay married, if your single, stay single"
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 08:35 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default You read my mind....

It's precisely my intention to try to keep things as stable as they are for another 2 years at least. Don't know if I can do it for another 4 years though. It's hard. As you can imagine.

One big issue that is looming is that of NFP Separation. It's not completed yet, though we have signed agreement on all assets and liabilities except the Matrimonial home. The problem is that there is a 6 year statute of limitations (Family Law Act) of getting the courts help to complete the NFP Separation. I had 250,000 more assets at marriage then my ex, but she had 50,000 more assets at separation (without house taken into account). So if I don't file motion for NFP separation before next July 31 (6 year anniversary) then I stand to lose 100,000+ equalization which would likely be in house equity. Plus I woould end up co-owning a house with the ex, which I don't want.

If I file for NFP Separation, it's possible the issues at court may remain limited to that.. but it's also possible ex may lawyer up. She has no incentive to do anything right now, as she and her sister have a free place to live and I pay most child expenses.

Another issue that eats at me is that if I don't make it through the next 10 years, or if my business (self employed) doesn't provide adequate income (and it's been shaky at best) then I'm not sure what happens to my girls. Ex is uninterested to earn an income. But if I'm not there to do it, or if my income dries up, it'll put an end to a lot of plans they have.

Sucks..
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 09:34 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 304
shellshocked22 is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm sorry you're going through all this crap for a 2nd time and I honestly don't mean to be insensitive, but after having gone through the nightmare of divorce the first time, why did you ever get remarried again ? I'm going through my first divorce, and it WILL be my last since I will NEVER trust another woman again not to screw me over so no way will I ever get married/live with a woman again. I'm almost afraid to even look at one these days; all I see are dollar signs in their greedy eyes !!

But honestly, I'm still stunned that guys would risk losing their shirts AGAIN by getting burned by a greedy woman ?

Comments ?
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 10:29 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default I've asked myself that same question a million times...

Wondered how I could be so stupid as to get married a second time.. and how I could have been so stupid as to have picked such a deadbeat.. and even worse.. when I look back now I can see that all the "deadbeat signs" were there. I didn't look for them, and didn't see them.

But when I raise these questions to myself the answer is always the same.

I look at my two girls.. both very special human beings.. and I do my best to fight back any feelings of bitterness or regret and put it out of my mind.

Many very intelligent people I know make very rational decisions about buying a house, or a car.. or about changing jobs. But when it comes to selecting a partner.. all that rational thinking just gets tossed out the window.

Then I look at my youngest brother.. and his wife.. and I see the passion they have for life, and for each other, after 20 years.. and DAMN I want me some of that in my life too.

Answer your question?
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 10-27-2011, 10:55 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 304
shellshocked22 is on a distinguished road
Default

It's too bad the government makes all this divorce crap so UNFAIR, especially to men ! I hear what you're saying. I really hope I'll always remember the fleecing I'm currently getting so I won't get conned a 2nd time.

I think even if females don't mean to be greedy at first, it's too hard not be seduced by the government encouraging them to screw over hard working husbands. Everyone has a price, right ?

Sounds cynical but it really is all about the money.

Shame really but this has been a very expensive lesson to me. Reality sucks, don't get burned by romantic fantasies, they are just that, fantasies......
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Editing a Post gvjt General Chat 18 10-30-2011 10:49 AM
Part I - I finished the post of lastnight - I just don't know ddol1 Financial Issues 1 10-11-2011 09:31 PM
Debts he racked up post separation, but pre-divorce, am I on the hook? brokenwing Financial Issues 4 09-10-2010 07:22 PM
Post Secondary Education GGG Divorce & Family Law 2 11-08-2006 12:41 PM
Need Legal advice about what I can post jonbon General Chat 5 10-18-2005 06:53 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:05 PM.